Info:
Alts: Omnipotent Squash
Guild Builder Boss
Guild Builder Brains
Guild Builder Muscle
Guild Builder Dog
Timezone: UK
Happy to talk and answer questions.
The Story of Stevaloid
It is very hard to accurately tell the story of Stevaloid. Or any hero at that. But by using Stevaloid's diary, scraps of other heroes' diaries and interviews with traders and innocent bystanders, we have gathered enough information that if we make up enough to fill in the gaps, people will believe it is factual. So without further ado, this is the story of Stevaloid:
Creation
Stevaloid was created on the 18th of October 2011. It was a warm, but cloudy day. The clouds parted, and a beam of holy light shone down. Nearby heroes backed away, except one, who was rather dim, even for a hero. He walked into the light, believing it would heal him as it did other heroes. Instantly, the sky turned dark and lightning bolt after lightning bolt struck the spot the beam had hit, charring the ground, terrifying the crowd and turning the unfortunate hero to ash.
Now, the holy beam came again. The ash rose up and formed into the shape of a man. The light intensified as the greys of the ash became colours. Slowly but surely the remains of a hero were turned into a new hero.
A few seconds passed. Someone coughed. Then, came a voice.
“Stevaloid!
I am Brinjal. Your father, your creator, your benevolent god! I will watch over you as you quest and fight. I will reward you when you succeed, and console you when you fail. I will aid you in times of danger, and guide you in this world. Now go forth, and bring honor to my name…”
Silence fell. There was a pause. And then Stevaloid spoke…
“Did someone just say something? Sorry, my ears were full of ash. What am I doing here? And where can I get some beer? I’m not sure what that is, but I know I want it.”
The crowd stood staring at him. Some looked down. Stevaloid turned to walk away, as he did, he looked downward to see what everyone was staring at. He stopped walking and turned back towards the crowd…
“Does anyone know where I can get some clothes?”
Communication
After Stevaloid missed his first attempt at communication, Brinjal was forced to try again and again to send a message of his existence to Stevaliod. These started off as simple things. A note appeared in Stevaloid’s diary reading,
“Brinjal loves you, love and worship him and you will be rewarded…”
Stevaloid assumed another hero had written it. It had only been a day since his creation, but it was clear to him that every hero worshipped a different god. It was clear to him that if he worshipped this “Brinjal” god that someone was advertising, the other gods would strike him down for worshipping false idols. In fact, it occured to him, that there would be little use in choosing any god to worship, because there would always be more gods to be angry at him for it. After thinking, (or at least doing the closest thing a hero can do to thinking) for a while, Stevaloid decided that if he was to avoid worshipping false idols, he should become an atheist.
Brinjal was not off to a good start.
Communication Part 2
Over the next few days, Stevaloid remained oblivious to the fact that Brinjal was his god, despite Brinjal’s best efforts. By his experience, healing beams were just something that happened round here, he still didn’t know much about the world, being newly created and all, but from what he had seen, you just get healed. The mysterious messages that came to him were clearly other heroes vain attempts to recruit more followers to their gods. When an aubergine, – a purple vegetable with a green stem also known as a brinjal – suddenly jumped off a trader’s stand, hovered in front of him, and began speaking in a booming, echoey voice, of how it was all seeing and all knowing, Stevaliod decided this vegetable must do this all the time and he had just never been there when it happened.
The only success Brinjal achieved was that Stevaloid began worshiping all gods instead of none.
Communication part 3
As Stevaloid approached the trader’s stand he was unaware that his right harm had swelled to an abnormally large size.
“Hello,” Said the trader as he looked at Stevaloid’s arm curiously. He paused.
“Have You been spying on that other merchant’s daughter?”
“No.” Replied Stevaloid.
“Do you know how I could?”
As he said this, his head shrunk to the size of a tomato, and his body, seemingly compensating, doubled in size. The trader’s jaw dropped. Over a few seconds, his head and body returned to their normal sizes, however, they didn’t stop changing size. His head grew and grew, swelling like an enormous balloon, while his body shrunk until it was smaller than that of a baby. The trader backed off. All at once, every one of Stevaloid’s limbs, changed size and shape at once. After a gap of half a second it happened again… and again… and again. Every part of Stevaloid’s body grew and shrank, stretched and squashed, bent and straightened independently to the rest of his body. The trader hid behind his desk. Suddenly, each of Stevaloid’s limbs shrunk to a point, stretched until infinitely thin, faded away or in some other manner disappeared from existence. When the trader dared to look, the only evidence anyone had been there was a diary lying on the ground.
When Stevaloid’s vision returned to normal, he found himself standing in front of a large purple vegetable with a green stalk. It had a face, as well as arms and legs, and was glaring at him.
“Stevaloid!
Over the past few days you have witnessed many acts of god, yet you ignored them all! I was the cause of them. And NO this is not a normal experience! This is a miracle which you have forced me to perform it to make you realise that I AM YOUR GOD! First you worshipped no god. Then you worshipped every god. You should worship me and me only! I am not the god of another! I am your personal god! I am Brinjal! Now return to your world and praise me!”
So saying, Brinjal pulled out a small rectangular black object. It fitted nicely in the palm of his hand. Brinjal pressed the object, and the front of it lit up. Brinjal tapped at it with his finger and the display changed to a grid of small square pictures. As he swiped his finger across it they zoomed off to the side, disappeared, and were replaced by a different set of square pictures.
“What’s that?” asked Stevaloid.
“It’s an android.” replied Brinjal.
“Is that a kind of monster?”
“No. It’s what I use to watch over you, and I’m going to use it to send you back” Brinjal tapped a square with “Godville” written under it in small letters. The android now had Stevaloid’s latest diary entries written on it. Stevaloid felt himself being pulled towards it.
“Don’t worry, this is the safest method I know of. The chances of failure are a million to one.” Stevaloid was getting pulled harder and harder, closer and closer…
“Or was that your chances of survival?” Said Brinjal, slightly worried. He picked up a book to look it up, but before he could tell Stevaloid what he had read, Stevaloid had been sucked into the android and disappeared. When he woke up, he was lying beside the trader’s stand, his diary beside him. He looked at it and found a note reading “It appears you’re one in a million.”
Forgiveness
For what felt like several hours Stevaloid prayed as hard as he could. As he desperately begged his god to forgive him for his ignorance, each second was full of dread that a lightning bolt would strike him down. As time drew on, Stevaliod more and more feared the next second and what it would bring. Finally, a light shone down on Stevaloid. He winced as it hit his skin, expecting it to burn him with the heat of one thousand suns, but instead he felt only gentle warmth. As he watched, the dirt and grime on his skin disappeared, until it looked like he had just taken a bath. Scratches on his skin sealed and vanished, and bruises faded away. An invisible needle sewed and mended the holes in Stevaloid’s clothes, and the colours of the world around him became more bright and vivid. Stevaloid raised his fist in the air and yelled,
“Brinjal, my lord! I shall do something great and stupid in your honour!”
He grabbed a book of quests, picked the first one he saw, and charged out of the gates of godville. He came back a few seconds later.
“On second thoughts, I’ll wait until that Omnomnomnivore has gone away.”
And with that, he headed for the tavern, dodging the resulting lightning bolts as best he could.
The Arena
It had been quite a while since Stevaloid’s visit to the land of the gods, and not much had happened since. Stevaloid had danced with the devil and become one with the force, among other things, but even quests such as these did not seem very interesting. He was skilled at dispatching monsters, and even more skilled at running away from large ones. Frequent healing beams had turned him into a slightly kinder person, but it did not have enough impact on him to be significant. Stevaloid was getting bored. As he sat down on a rock for a rest, he noticed the world fade, it turned bright white, so intense that even when he closed his eyes, the brightness shone through and dazzled him. When he recovered, he could hear loud cheering. He opened his eyes. He was sitting on sand, as he looked up he saw he was in the centre of a large circular amphitheatre, with a sand floor. The sand was stained red in places. The crowd was cheering, some of them yelled,
“Stevaloid! Stevaloid! Stevaloid”
Stevaloid smiled happily at this. But then he heard something else. Some of the crowd were yelling,
“Jesus Criste, Jesus Criste, Jesus Criste”
Stevaloid looked up to see another hero standin in front of him. He stood up to get a better look. The other hero spoke,
“You must be Stevaloid. Come on then, let’s dance!”
Stevaloid frowned.
“But I only have the confidence to dance when I’m dru-”
Jesus Christe kicked him in the face before he could finish. Stevaloid was a kind hero, but he did not like being attacked while trying to think of a dance routine. He grabbed his weapon and leaped savagely onto his rival. He rolled over and began strangling Jesus, who took advantage of the fact that Stevaloid’s hands were full and kicked Stevaloid as hard as he could in the crotch. Stevaloid took a few seconds to recover, and Jesus Christe showed him no mercy, punching, kicking and slashing with frightening violence. Stevaloid pretended to be knocked out, then took the opportunity to attack while his opponent’s guard was down. He was getting into his stride, using the same tactics that served him well in monster fights. But just as his rival weakened, to Stevaloid’s horror, a holy light shone from the heavens, onto Jesus, who rose up into the air laughing.
“Where’s your god now” he sneered. Moments later a lightning bolt answered his question. The battle continued, but eventually, Stevaloid found himself on the ground with his opponent ready to deal the final blow.
“Wait!” yelled Stevaloid. “Couldn’t we just settle our differences with a drinking contest?”
When Stevaloid awoke he had no money, an empty inventory… and the worst hangover he had experienced in a long time.
Templehood
It had been over a year and a half since Stevaloid’s creation, and the majority of his life had been uneventful. He had adopted a few monsters as pets, died a few times and been resurrected, but nothing compared to the first few weeks. Until recently. Suddenly in the space of a few weeks Stevaloid’s dreams had come true, first he met a heroine called Goutami7 who actually liked him. And he liked her. No more doing quests to get the attention of people who would never consider him! No more loneliness on long quests!
But that was only the first of two things that happened to him in a space of under a month. The second was templehood.
Stevaloid stood in Godville with Goutami7 behind him. He walked to the golden doorway of his gleaming temple. Scaled the walls to the roof, and carefully placed the last brick on the very top. He climbed down one of the pillars and stood back to admire his work.
He tried to keep smiling.
He had honestly expected the temple to look better than this. To be symetrical, and for all the bricks to be pointing in the same direction. He expected it to look good enough to impress Goutami7. And he expected it to have the painting he had painstakingly made actually on the roof, not on the floor, face down.
Stevaloid was on the edge of tears when suddenly he saw a bright light. His temple was glowing. It glowed brighter and brighter until it was impossible to look at. Eventually the light died down, and Stevaloid looked at the temple in amazement. It’s bricks were all perfectly placed. There were intricate carvings above every door. The mortar gluing the bricks together was barely visible. The architecture was stunningly exquisite, an amazing fusion of old and new. The painting had been refurbished and was placed so that it was the centrepiece of the main room, with a beautiful framing. But the most striking feature, the one that made Goutami7 and Stevaloid both stare in awe at the beautiful masterpiece before them, was that it was shiny. Without thinking Stevaloid and Goutami7 embraced each other in happiness. As they did so, both became even more ecstatic than before! They stayed like this for several minutes, staring at the temple, then went off arm in arm to celebrate.
This is where Stevaloid's story ends. After this point in Stevaloid's life there is only one more record that has been collected. And it has not been included, as it did not provide as good a point to end on. However, this is not really the end. Stevaloid lives on and his story continues to this day. He wanders the land of Godville to bring honour to his god, Brinjal. So while this story ends here, the real story has only just begun...
