05:32 PM Couldn’t find the chill pill and paper trail in my inventory, but found 6551 gold coins instead. Bingo!
05:38 PM Used my drug test cheat sheet to knock out a thief. It broke, but the merchant paid me 151 gold coins as a reward.
07:01 AM Showed some scientists a map of the world. If the map is flat, obviously the world is too. They threw their arms in the air and stomped away. Some people just can’t take being wrong.
Finally completed my quest to prove that the world is flat. Got some experience and a golden brick after a long, draggy cutscene.
10:48 AM Stopped and wished upon a falling star. Got hit by a meteorite.
04:48 PM Spent 13223 gold coins getting Ryla Dragonclaw drunk enough to tell me about an interesting mark on her map.
05:21 AM Heard a powerful voice boom, ‘Dance!’ and saw a poor hero skittering away from the lightning bolts at his feet.
04:48 PM Spent 13223 gold coins getting Ryla Dragonclaw drunk enough to tell me about an interesting mark on her map.
Realizing that being mediocre is harder than it sounds…
Quest: Prevent a monkey from going bananas (83%)
01:19 PM Soaking wet after hurling my body at a fish. Still haven’t mastered my fishing tackle.
09:02 PM Wow, I am level 113 now! Luckily, intelligence isn’t a requirement for level-ups.
07:45 PM I didn’t trip, Mighty One. I simply attacked the ground with my face.
07:32 PM A Terminator T-34 somberly delivered a note saying “smite”, patted me on the back, and walked away.
07:17 PM Heard weird voices. Made weirder noises to assert dominance.
11:39 AM Fell asleep on a bench and found some coins in my helmet when I woke up. Do I look homeless to you too, Mighty One?
The fish know, but keep silent…
Pausing to appreciate the moment…
10:30 PM Some things are better left unsaid, something I certainly realize right after I say them.
10:27 PM Carefully harvested a bunch of dead threads and took them to a storyweaver. She created a whole tapestry of language out of them!
Managed to collect enough forum threads to make cloth. Got a quest completion certificate.
09:35 PM My pet’s incessant and loud barking at a vagrant healer procured me a raisin for living.
05:39 PM Stared into the face of danger. It winked back.
05:36 PM How do I stay humble? Well, it’s not easy, but I start by being generally bad at most things.
12:47 PM The Healing Randominatrix said my jokes weren’t punchy enough, so I introduced it to my fists instead.
11:51 AM Jan Doodle and I thought up an ingenious plan to make our praying more productive. We each press one of our hands together, which frees up the other hand for objects such as beer glasses. Praying has never been more enjoyable!
04:41 PM I got robbed again. At least I got 7777 gold coins as compensation this time!
07:37 PM Gave the trader the ACME monster trap as a gesture of good faith, then beat 498 coins out of him.
07:06 AM Omnipotent One, I was thinking… Well, maybe I wasn’t. Forget it.
07:44 AM What’s this about your omnipotence, Gentle One? Isn’t there a pill for that now?
Worshipping in an aviary and hoping the birds will retweet his prayers…
10:43 PM Whenever I wish Nessie could talk, I remember everything he’s witnessed me doing.
10:56 PM Fought the urge to steal a donut. Lost.
10:21 PM Joined a crusade against stupidity, but was immediately accused of being a double agent.
10:56 PM Fought the urge to steal a donut. Lost.
03:19 PM The tribe of tribbles reached its critical mass and loudly transformed into something that immediately ran off into the forest. It left 14517 coins and a few bold things in my bag.
08:40 PM Involuntarily kicked the Smoothie Operator to death — must be the same reflex from when the doctor tapped my knee. Snatched another man’s shoes and 23 coins from its remains – there’s nothing wrong with my loot reflex.
03:52 PM Hollowstar asked me if I could finish his quest to exercise the right to be lazy for him. I’d do anything to help a frie… Hey! He hasn’t even started!
07:58 PM I used to worry about my memory problems. Now I just forget about them.
08:17 AM Every time I cross the road, I get this weird feeling that a chicken is watching me.
08:49 PM I was just about to defeat the Unbearable Grizzly when he pulled out a beer and offered it to me. Hey, I could use a good drinking buddy. Slapped a collar on him and named him Nessie. He looks like he’s regretting his choice now.
08:56 PM I tied a friendship bracelet around my wrist, and fastened another around Bolt’s leg. Though we may never meet again, now we can be friends until the end of time. Bye bye, Bolt!
Side Job: Fail a side job (0%)
04:38 PM I just received a perfect attendance award from Quirkytown’s tavern. They even offered to pay my tab for the night so I have 4309 gold coins to save towards future bar tabs.
01:52 PM As the Garage Bandit was about to deliver me unto death, I asked him in a ragged voice, “Why?” He looked at me with greatest contempt and asked, “Remember that chain letter you didn’t forward?” Darn it!
10:57 PM Traded with the Trouble Shooter: I gave it a roundhouse kick, it gave me its life and 10 coins.
12:45 PM Happily, closing my eyes and going “Lalala!” really loud seemed to do the trick.
My quest to outwit the other voice in the head has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.
12:38 PM Bolt knows a nice trick. Whenever I write “42 For Life (and Death)”, his tail wags like crazy! See? See?
Keeping the dream alive by hitting the snooze button…
07:23 AM With its dying breath, the Motorcyclops cursed me with a confusion aura and died. My Lord, please forgive me if I do something especially stupid.
01:25 PM A vile Wealthy Wererobot is freely absorbing sunlight in this meadow. I must put an end to its horrific schemes.
10:08 PM Gave a logic test to two different groups known for their thickness. My tabulated calculations indicate that thieves are exactly 0.371 times as thick as heroes.
My quest to measure the exact thickness of thieves has been completed! Received a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!
10:18 AM I’m not lost. I’m geographically challenged.
07:11 PM There are two ways to solve a problem: the boring way and the “42 For Life (and Death)”-way.
03:25 PM Took a quiet and refreshing bath.
03:05 PM Taking a bath right now, Gentle One. So please, no peeking.
11:14 AM Mmm… Potion of sleep resistance. Or as the locals call it, ‘coffee’.
07:03 AM With a sudden shriek, a crazy doctor jumped out of the bushes, stitched up my wounds, and disappeared in a puff of smoke. I feel much better now but I think I might need to change my pants.
12:39 PM Painted a bright yellow smiley face on a milestone. Look, Great One, a smilestone!
09:23 PM After years of research and development I unveiled my new cocktail to the regulars of Space Bar last night. It’s made by pouring half a pint of beer on top of another half pint of beer. I call it “Pint of Beer”. I was shocked when I was fined 9696 coins for copyright infringement.
Quest: Measure the distance from heavens to murgatroyd (0%)
11:14 PM The Captain Emo called me an idiot, so I called it an ambulance. Grabbed its 28 coins and a fingerprint magnet first.
10:09 PM Saw a white hair. Decided to deposit 5761 coins in my retirement fund.
03:11 PM Threw the bag with hungry tribbles into a tree. The sharp-toothed gremlins quickly brought it back down by gnawing through the tree. +
Croaking back at the frogs…
08:37 PM The Final Frontiersman said my jokes weren’t punchy enough, so I introduced it to my fists instead.
08:44 PM What the hell was I thinking when I signed up to have a good time and feel bad about it?
01:23 PM Spent 2264 coins getting Brave Brave Ser Robin drunk enough to tell me about an interesting mark on his map.
07:53 AM It’s always easier to learn from the mistakes! of people who take my advice.
07:15 AM Gentle One, you know how we each have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other? Should I be concerned that my angel has wrapped my devil with duct tape?
Quest: Be the death of a party (0%)
08:55 PM An old sage told me that life is a cake. I just hope it’s not a lie.
07:45 PM Was about to spend my money on some delicious beer but constant reproachful glares from Bolt guilt-tripped me into adding 7159 coins to my retirement fund. Darn that battlesheep and his moral compass!
12:46 AM Ate some chicken. It tasted just like a Major Problem.
09:00 PM As Bolt began to glow and grow, fleas jumped off his fur and performed an elaborate celebratory dance number. Why don’t my fleas do that when I level up?
Quest: Visit the place where screams come true (14%)
08:53 PM The psychologist told me I was insane my backpack assured me that it was more qualific than him, and that I shouldn’t listen to his asinine remarks.
05:11 AM Saw Banana Guy lying in the field, quivering, shaking and looking close to death. I knew exactly what to do. One beer later, and my friend was up and good to go.
08:00 PM A group of scientists offered me 1347 gold coins to be their lab rat. A barrage of pills, multiple injections, hours of prodding and numerous complications later, they discovered how to swap my “sword-swallowing” skill with the “pseudopod attack” skill! If only they knew how to reverse the effect.
12:33 PM If looks could kill, I would be a weapon of mass destruction.
10:51 AM Lost my dignity. Probably left it with my wits. Fortunately, I seem to be doing just fine without either.
10:58 AM There are times when I wonder why I chose this job, but then I remember how much I love to stab things.
04:47 PM I have become a one-hit wonder with ease! The only problem is now I’m too sexy for my shirt! It was my favorite shirt too.
Huh. So this is what it feels like when you manage to become a one-hit wonder. I was hoping for something more… special. Or at least a reward.
06:07 PM The Necessary Evil mistook my maneuvering for an elaborate mating ritual and fled in panic, leaving behind a recursive matryoshka doll and 2 coins.
06:07 PM The Necessary Evil mistook my maneuvering for an elaborate mating ritual and fled in panic, leaving behind a recursive matryoshka doll and 2 coins.
10:43 PM Killing monsters comes naturally to me, so technically the Last Hairbender died of natural causes. Looted a piece of kryptonite and 2 gold coins.
04:14 PM Woke up to find that I had someone else’s trousers on. That must have been quite a party! Rifled through the pockets and found a scrap of paper saying “Dare: catch the red dot.” Challenge accepted!
Putting aside differences with the Evil Twin and instead fighting over their similarities…
09:02 PM Met up with Okoye5 and challenged her to see who could kick a wasp’s nest the farthest. We both lost.
05:28 PM Heard weird voices. Made weirder noises to assert dominance.
05:50 PM Aritahl happened to be standing next to me in the shop and prevented the trader from cheating me.
…
The cunning trader gets the trigger-happy meal for free…
07:06 PM Exquisite happenings, Luminous One! I’ve felicitously enriched my vocabulary artificially, through the serendipitous procurement and temporary employment of a thesaurus!
01:57 PM Today, I’m doing nothing; I started doing it yesterday and I haven’t finished yet.
10:56 AM Throwing apples at the doctors won’t keep them away longer, but it will definitely earn you some serious attention from the nurses.
09:34 AM I think if it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
07:10 AM Tried pig tipping. That sow I roll.
10:57 AM Set fire to the giant’s beanstalk. Ran away laughing like a lunatic. Woke up.
10:46 PM Our guild doctor reveres me as a deity. She always says, “Oh my god, it’s you again.”
12:23 PM The Gunboat Diplomat suddenly went silent, staring at the space behind me in horror. We put aside our differences and fled together.
11:56 AM Every time I cross the road, I get this weird feeling that a chicken is watching me.
10:39 PM Bolt swallowed a tribble, then made a terrible face and spat out two. Well, thank you my friend…
05:00 PM Stopped and wished upon a falling star. Got hit by a meteorite.
10:55 AM Chaos, panic, and disorder — my work in this town is done.
09:49 PM The voices in my head may not be real, but they sure do talk a lot.
07:51 AM Just when the Godville Administrator was about to kill me, Bolt pointed at me and said something to the monster. After they had finished laughing at me, the Godville Administrator left. Thanks, Bolt.
04:17 PM Exalted One, I am brave and strong, but not very smart. Save me from my own stupidity! Please accept 66 coins as my offering.
06:44 PM Exquisite happenings, Gentle One! I’ve felicitously enriched my vocabulary artificially, through the serendipitous procurement and temporary employment of a thesaurus!
08:30 AM A wandering trader looked at my backpack with interest… and then with fear. Yeah, I don’t want to know what’s in there either…
08:50 PM Saw a house with a sign on the gate: “The dog is harmless. Beware of the children.”
09:18 PM I found the Combustible Piñata to be such a treasure that I just had to bury it.
07:26 PM There’s just something fishy about this gold brick. Threw it back.
04:35 PM I used to worry about my memory problems. Now I just forget about them.
01:48 PM Spent some time observing a huge Prawn of Satan from afar. Came to the conclusion that I have no wish to conduct a closer inspection.
01:25 PM I know they say money talks, but all mine seems to tell me is “spend me.”
09:22 PM Almighty, you know how we each have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other? Should I be concerned that my angel has wrapped my devil with duct tape?
08:25 PM Failed to observe that my bag of nopes was still present for a second, and just like that it was gone. You win this round, quantum physics.
05:44 PM If money is the root of all evil, my bank account just got 9 coins closer to world domination.
04:45 PM To unsubscribe from my regular updates, simply stop reading my diary.
12:02 PM The Godvillain raised its hand for a deadly final strike against my beloved Bolt, when I suddenly threw myself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, its neck broken. I’m dead but otherwise okay. Oh, Most Righteous One, why? I was so young…
10:24 AM Saved a fish from drowning. Did you see that act of kindness, Almighty?
08:03 AM Had a strange dream: Unquestionable One in an old suit danced to jazz in a red room, then looked me straight in the eye and whispered two glyphs.
09:13 PM The guild master asked me to be the face of a new recruitment campaign for 42 – THE answer!. I love the slogan: “If I can make it, anyone can!”
06:45 PM Cracked a joke about my life. Cried when I realized how accurate it was.
08:19 PM Bolt sneezed into the Godvilla’s eye, sending it into anaphylactic shock.
07:04 PM Tried to imagine the Loaded Bridezilla naked to alleviate my fear, but what I envisioned scared me even more.
01:44 PM The local tavern owner suddenly proclaimed ‘Free beer on behalf of the “42 – THE answer!” guild!’ Looks like my guild is getting great recognition in this town.
03:44 PM Slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace.
09:17 PM Sirius – Black ran out of the bushes shouting, “Nintendo nomad, I’m coming!” then crashed into a tree, knocking himself unconscious. Well, you know what they say — if you want something done right, do it yourself.
Burning the contents of the temple suggestion box…
07:43 PM The Spaghetti Elemental lived happily ever after. Then I killed it.
Enemy: Narcoleptic Hypnotist
03:30 PM Who wants a hug? Somebody? Anybody? Nobody? Guess I’ll just hug myself then.
09:30 AM My Lord, you don’t even want to know what I had to do to complete that quest. Though I wouldn’t mind doing it again.
My quest to was completed with excellence. Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.
07:42 PM Attack! Smite! Heal! Dig! Oh, I’m sorry Almighty, is this annoying to you too?
10:15 AM The surgeon replaced my injured colon with a new semicolon. He warned me that my bathroom routine may become a little punctuated.
11:33 PM Did some thinking and concluded that the Almighty has the heart of a dove and it’s filled with love.
08:20 AM The locals of Last Resort have dubbed Janine The Sixth and me “The Dream Team”. Because we both pass out at the first sign of danger.
08:06 AM A zombie hand rose from the ground and held Zodiyak by the foot as lightning struck him. Seems like Chrisunseen has had enough of Zodiyak.
07:52 PM It’s not my fault that I had to kill the Elephant of Surprise and loot its 5 gold coins. I’m a victim of peer pressure.
07:53 PM Gentle One, why do I seem to be your only follower? Don’t you have other people to yell “42 For Life (and Death)” or do stupid, almost heroic things in your name?
02:34 PM Sauntered into Quirkytown and was immediately fined 75 coins for being a public nuisance.
09:02 AM Exalted One, I’m so bored that I’m doodling in my diary. O_X That’s me after my last fight.
06:56 AM The Red Bull died from a panic attack: I panicked, I attacked, it died. Took 27 gold coins as compensation for the emotional trauma.
10:00 PM Entered a bamboo grove to get some rest, but encountered Ryla Dragonclaw there. We built a little field altar and prayed to our gods. Maybe we should build a pantheon next time.
09:16 PM Decided to go to a coffee shop instead of the tavern to save money. Still spent 6896 gold coins, but was awake all night worrying about it.
08:28 PM Suddenly the holy powercell started to glow and turned into a blue energy beam shining upwards. Exalted One, is that for you?
08:28 PM Pulled out a holy powercell. All for you, Omnipotent One.
07:18 PM Tried to get a painting done of my battle with the Avant Guardian, but the artist didn’t have enough red paint to properly capture my injuries.
07:11 PM Tried to lick my own elbow. All I got was a twisted neck and a strong sense of dissatisfaction.
11:20 AM I had just dispatched a band of small orcs when a beautiful girl approached me and asked me if I had seen her seven gentle dwarfs.
11:16 AM I hate censorship. Why can’t I even write **** in my own ******* diary?
10:47 AM Some things are better left unsaid, something I certainly realize right after I say them.
06:39 AM Sorry, Almighty, I’m just admiring my places in the pantheons at the moment and can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
05:35 PM Was confronted by my nemesis. Honestly, I expected something more dignified than a squirrel.
07:48 AM I’m never gonna give you up, Luminous One. Never gonna let you down either.
08:11 PM Saw a little bunny rabbit hopping in front of a cave with bones strewn all around it. Walked the other way.
03:12 PM Is it a bird? Is it a crane? No, it’s just Daves Not Heere trying to fly by jumping off a cliff again.
02:18 PM A kick was heard nearby and suddenly Silent Lamb ran, roaring, out of the bushes.
12:33 PM My “menacing glance” skill is so dangerous it’s been outlawed in the majority of territories in Godville. I enthusiastically showed the Hostile NPC how dangerous it can be.
12:27 PM The Outsourced Monster tried to fetch the atomic weight set from my knapsack. It quietly put it back after I knocked out one of its teeth.
Regretting decisions he hasn’t even made yet…
08:58 AM Heard a small popping sound in my loot bag. When I checked, I found that my beer-battered beer had turned into popcorn. Delicious!
01:51 PM Thought I saw Words and proceeded with our secret handshake. Got fined 3504 coins for assaulting a stranger.
02:48 PM Ryla Dragonclaw told me not to give up on my dreams, so I went for a nap.
09:13 PM Despite the warning of a crazy professor, I ventured into a patch of tall grass. Immediately regretted it when a wild Fire Hydra appeared.
05:53 PM Saw another hero sleeping in the sun. Wrote “42 For Life (and Death)” on his forehead with sunblock, then ran off giggling.
11:00 AM The Monstrous Appetite claimed to be too weird to live but too rare to die. Bolt didn’t understand a word of it and simply continued to gnaw on its leg.
06:10 PM Unquestionable One came in and attacked the merchant, screaming about a fake healing potion. In the confusion, I took a performance anxiety enhancer from the counter.
04:16 PM Found another dead hero. While I watched his corpse, words appeared in his diary. Ran away as fast as possible.
08:51 AM I’ve decided to live every day as if it’s my last. After all, it often is.
08:34 PM I’m not homeless. I’m just an extreme camper.
04:50 PM Every time I cross the road, I get this weird feeling that a chicken is watching me.
04:28 PM Had this horrible dream that I was dead. Fortunately, I woke up naked on the altar of the city temple, with all my equipment neatly arranged beside me. Odd!
04:20 PM Learned that hiding from the Wrecking Bull in poison ivy is a really bad idea. Farewell, hard and cruel world!
10:22 AM Saw some drunk heroes offering beer to their false gods. I hope you don’t drink beer, Almighty, because I’m not giving you any.
10:23 AM Lost 13395 gold coins playing tic-tac-toe with a guy in a tavern. Oh, these taverns!
08:41 AM I hate to advocate alcohol, violence, and insanity, but they have always worked for me.
07:19 AM Came across a bunch of flamboyant vampires and overgrown wolves arguing over some girl. Looked pretty lame. Kept walking.
02:47 PM Found somebody’s towel in the mud. Poor soul.
“Nobody knows the tribbles I’ve seen…”
07:13 PM You think this diary entry is a waste of time, Omnipotent One? Just wait until you see the next one.
02:47 PM Found somebody’s towel in the mud. Poor soul.
04:45 PM Reminisced and laughed with Bolt about the time he tried to kill me.
06:52 PM Here I am, standing at the entrance of this deep cave. Who’s that idiot inside repeating everything I shout?
06:51 PM The Sitting Duck bit off more than it could chew. After it had choked to death, I climbed out of its mouth and nabbed its 39 coins and a frame of reference.
06:37 PM Talked with Words from 50 milestones away using smoke signals. I love this instant messaging thing.
08:20 AM Concerned about my tendency to arrogantly mock my losing opponents, the guild doctor gave me some anti-gloating cream. I just can’t wait to rub it in!
06:36 PM Sometimes I wonder if Bolt’s feelings get hurt when I don’t lick him back.
06:04 PM Exalted One, remind me never to name the phobia of questing again. I didn’t get anything for it, not even a ‘Thank you’.
03:38 PM While at the hospital, I found Unquestionable One lying in the infirmary. Spent 4779 gold coins on get-well gifts, hoping he will return the favor one day.
09:06 AM Caught my sanity clause trying to escape my loot bag. Had to destroy it to teach my other items not to get any ideas.
06:42 AM “The Diary of Nintendo nomad” sounds lame. Maybe I should call it “The Epic Chronicles of Nintendo nomad?”
05:58 AM If looks could kill, I would be a weapon of mass destruction.
03:28 PM The Intraterrestrial claimed to be too weird to live but too rare to die. Bolt didn’t understand a word of it and simply continued to gnaw on its leg.
Looking far out into the distance and seeing hope…
05:50 PM Saw a white hair. Decided to deposit 10167 gold coins in my retirement fund.
09:15 PM There are times when I wonder why I chose this job, but then I remember how much I love to stab things.
09:05 PM Saw a tree that had a heart etched into it with ‘Nintendo nomad + Janine The Sixth’ inside of it.
Stealing a freshly baked pie out of the window of a rival guild’s hall…
08:58 AM Stopped to feed and groom my pet. Bolt purred excitedly in anticipation of causing property damage.
05:22 AM Bet Kireel all my gold that the Tentacula wouldn’t kill me. Well, I may have lost the bet, but the joke’s on her because I lost all my gold when I died!
11:05 AM Bathed in the fountain of youth, but used the soap of premature aging. Ended up roughly the same.
02:51 PM While I was searching for the low-hanging loot and heat-resistant snowball, somebody dropped 18973 coins from a passing cloud. Bingo?
09:22 PM A lightning bolt struck me and electrified my armor. Fortunately, the Questing Photobomberman biting me was hurt quite badly as well. Let’s call that one a tie.
10:12 AM Wow, this is our dear Tribblemaker! Expressed my deepest gratitude to our guild’s totem beast and was rewarded with an aura of totemism.
03:07 PM Finally found an upholsterer willing to take these tribbles off my hands for 9711 gold coins. Lucky for me, unlucky for the tribbles.
01:23 PM My loot bag tried to crawl into the bushes, but I was lucky enough to stop it in time. I can deal with these tribbles, but I can’t deal with the loss of my loot bag!
11:40 AM I took a tribble out of my bag, made a good swing and threw it as far as I could. Then I heard an indignant squeak in my bag and two bursting sounds.
03:28 PM Janine The Sixth came in and attacked the merchant, screaming about a fake healing potion. In the confusion, I took a meteor showerhead from the counter.
02:26 PM Heard someone shouting “Die, Words!” in the distance. Rushed to the rescue, but it turned out to just be an Onion Ringleader brutally smashing a scarecrow.
08:04 AM Convinced the Dyslexic Agnostic that I deserved to be in its will more than its ungrateful family. Inherited the theory of relatives.
05:13 PM During our last rest stop, Bolt performed some gothic dances in honor of the god of monsters. Please forgive him, Almighty.
01:13 PM The guild psychiatrist giving the Rorschach test thinks I’m weird. What a hypocrite! He’s the one painting pictures of Unquestionable One performing strange acts with an indirect order!
09:11 AM As the Gold Farmer breathed its last, it sighed, “I can’t believe it was somebody from 42 – THE answer!.” Eh?
09:06 AM Bolt swallowed a tribble, then made a terrible face and spat out two. Well, thank you my friend…
08:19 AM Argued with Silryne about who my long idea shortener truly belonged to. Cut it in half to prove it was mine.
01:32 PM Oooohhhh! Now I get it. Hehehe. That was a funny joke Andrew Waters told me earlier.
06:23 PM Met Janine The Sixth outside the hospital with a broken arm. Signed her cast with “★42★ For Life (and Death)”.
06:01 PM ‘I am Nintendo nomad, ★42★ For Life (and Death) Raaaaaaaargh!’ Does it sound impressive?
05:44 PM Swung Buck by his tail and launched him into battle. He tore the Landshark to shreds, leaving a frayed knot and 93 coins behind. I may have to sleep with one eye open tonight, but it was totally worth it.
8:22 PM Devotees to the Almighty were lined up around the block just to enter the temple. Great One, you deserve something special for being so popular.
07:39 PM Sent up a brief prayer of thanks to my Lord for making sure that monsters never attack me while I’m fishing.
02:54 PM Tilled the ground and then buried beer bottles. I can’t wait until I have a fresh crop of beer in a few months!
Somehow I’ve managed to plant a beer garden. Found a chest full of money. Gonna drink heavily.
11:12 PM ?retsam gnirednaw a sa thgilnoom dluohs I spahreP !level txen eht ot dedargpu neeb sah lliks ”gnidneb-noops“ yM
06:57 AM Met Piqka in the shop looking for a purchase. He gave me some tips on how to dress. Apparently I look much better with this new pair of winged sandals!
04:01 AM Saw a younger hero looking quizzically at his quest scroll. I took it and said I would ring the bell curve for him. He’s much too young for it anyway.
20:29 Note to self: duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
We aren’t a bunch of geeks, no….
08:04 PM I just got news that Aritahl bit the dust, so I tried it. Gritty and dry with an earthy flavor.
08:27 AM Bob the boy came in and attacked the merchant, screaming about a fake healing potion. In the confusion, I took a larva lamp from the counter.
05:17 AM Darn, I’ve killed this Godville Administrator a thousand times, yet it’s back again! Maybe I should look around for its respawning site and destroy it?
04:52 PM Judging by Cupil’s face I think he’s tired of me. I guess it’s time to finally set him free. Farewell, Cupil! I promise to find a new best friend in your memory!
03:56 AM I may be covered in wounds, I may have spent my last gold coin, and I may have ruined my guild’s reputation, but I have Completed. This. Quest!
For completing an epic quest I was complimented, fed and given five planks for the ark and a golden brick as a reward.
Teaching Cupil to bark ‘★42★ For Life’…
10:13 AM Met Luna Skye. Borrowed some food and a few bottles of healing water. Feeling much better now.
12:37 AM Huzzah! I finally arrived, but it looks as though I missed the party. There’s no-one here!
After managing to arrive fashionably late to a mass extinction event so quickly, I’ve got six logs for the ark and 6890 coins as a bonus.
07:14 AM Suddenly fainted while walking and then immediately came back to my senses, but feeling very calm. I can’t even feel anger over my missing hammer of realignment.
11:30 PM Finally found some fool who was able to save me from all these tribbles. I even managed to get 6655 coins for them!
08:28 PM I was standing in the sunset, looking across the golden rooftops of Godville, with the breeze ruffling my hair. A passerby called up from the street, “What’s with the epic pose? Did you arrive fashionably late to a mass extinction event, or something?” Well, not yet…
08:43 PM I imagined this quest was completed. Imagine my surprise when it was.
My quest to lead imaginary friends to an imaginary castle has been completed! Received a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!
07:46 AM Scraped together 8790 coins and managed to persuade the priests to heal my pet. Oh, Cupil, I’m glad to see you in great shape again!
02:49 PM After lying dead for a very long time, a part of me seems rotten. Oh well, I’m just going to call it an aura of spookiness and go scare some random passers by.
06:01 AM If I had to live my life again, my Lord, I’d do all the same things. Just in a different order, with a few new funny and inappropriate things added in every now and again.
02:48 PM I was having a great time haunting people, until they went and had me exorcised. None of the afterlives would take me in either. On the plus side, I eventually managed to re-enter my body, and I sure scared the hell out of the priest who salted my corpse!
09:00 PM Stumbled upon an awesome pond and sat down to fish. I’ll try the pretty buoy as bait.
11:34 AM Sat to fish. I don’t think I’d bite for the golden brick, but it’s worth a try.
09:58 PM Durnholdt suddenly rushed past me, barked “Hi”, and finished off the Loaded Hit-and-Walker. I’d better make more friends, it seems they can come in handy.
05:05 PM Opened the mystery box to see what was inside. Found a note saying that my case had been reviewed, my actions were deemed lawful, therefore I will receive some experience as compensation.
05:10 PM Suddenly felt an irresistible urge to take apart the deus ex machina and found 4960 coins inside. Now that’s the intuition of a true hero!
02:14 PM Shouted, “I am TheMadYakker, member of the “42 – THE answer!” guild. This drought is over!” just as rain started to pour from the sky. Yep, the townsfolk won’t forget this anytime soon.
02:13 PM Voices erupted in the Godville town square. When I went over, I saw the fountain flowing with beer and a pile of mugs with “42 – THE answer!” written on the side.
01:42 PM Laid down really close to the ground, facing the molehill against the backdrop of the horizon. Painted a picture of what I saw. The molehill came out gigantic. Very mountainous. Perspective is everything, my Lord.
Had finally managed to make a mountain out of a molehill when I was ambushed by a prize committee with an oversized check for 2735 coins. Time to celebrate!
06:06 PM Cupil suddenly rushed in front of a runaway cart to rescue a child. I explained to the amazed onlookers that this was standard heffalump training by the 42 – THE answer! guild. They will be talking about this for some time.
03:03 PM Felt a burning desire to disassemble the wonderbox. Found a notarized document inside stating that I’ve died fewer times than I thought. Splendid.
03:03 PM Well, the who is me, the what is this finished quest, the when was about eight seconds ago, the where is right here, the why is just because, and the how? I’m not really sure, actually.
Somehow managed to find out who, what, when, where, why, and how and was rewarded with a special trophy. I wonder, is a wonderbox any good?
It turned out that to find out who, what, when, where, why, and how wasn’t the last task of the quest! Now I have to go there, do that, get a T-shirt. Hope this task is the last one.
05:48 AM Went to the main square, took off my armor and showed off my recently appeared stigmata to the stunned townspeople. The residents were gazing at the sky in terror. They will remember you, Omnipotent One!
09:18 PM “That depends on the size of the drops…” I said with a pipe in my mouth trying to appear smart, in order to skip this ridiculous quest.
For completing an epic quest I was complimented, fed and given six logs for the ark and a golden brick as a reward.
09:36 AM Saw JuluJulu running from a Blame Game Warden while I was fleeing from the Wrecking Bull. We joined forces and bravely fled together.
10:40 AM Obeying the strange desire, I diligently rubbed the gift of fate until it completely disappeared, making me perfectly healthy. Neat.
02:19 PM The lure of that enigmatic mystery box was too much. After hours of solving a series of intricate sliding panels and locks I finally got it open and felt a great sense of achievement — about a few percent of experience worth.
02:19 PM Opened the deus ex machina to see what was inside. Found a note saying that my case had been reviewed, my actions were deemed lawful, therefore I will receive some experience as compensation.
06:37 AM I was following Piqka when he turned around and said, “You shouldn’t be following me, I’m lost too.”
09:35 AM Awoke on a silk lined bed with a bouquet of flowers in my hands and cards all around the room. There was even a picture of me, cut out in the shape of a heart! I’ve finally got a Valentine, Great One!
08:50 PM After counting as many as I could, I determined there are in fact more milestones than can be counted.
A hero’s work is never done, but my quest to find out how many milestones there are certainly is! This golden brick is a nice reward for such a thankless job.
08:38 AM Grognar the Smelly jumped in front of me and yelled, “Interception!” as the healing ray descended from the heavens. Please try it again, Great One, he’s gone now!
03:46 PM Standing behind my old therapist, waiting in line for my new therapist. Awkward.
03:50 PM Stood up on my heffalump’s back and surfed the next few miles. Cupil sure is a good sport sometimes.
11:06 AM Felt a burning desire to disassemble the continuum transfunctioner. Found a notarized document inside stating that I’ve died fewer times than I thought. Splendid.
03:31 AM I got tired of waiting, so after placing a banana peel, thumb tacks, and a bowling ball all near a ledge, a kind old lady helped me finish the quest. But you should probably resurrect her soon, Almighty.
Though I was hoping that succeeding in my quest to wait for an accident to happen would win the respect and admiration of my peers, this golden brick will have to suffice.
07:39 PM Caught a trader cheating customers. Received some gold for my silence.
07:41 PM Managed to get 5280 gold coins from the trader for my invite to Godville. Luckily he didn’t see the graffiti of a famous artist’s name sullying the bottom.
02:51 AM I don’t think I like it very much. And neither does the monster whose lap I’m sitting in.
My quest to tear down the barriers of personal space has been completed! Received a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!
07:55 AM I couldn’t miss this great deal and changed my boring “elbow bite” skill to the new exciting “rickrolling” skill of the same level. Oh, boy, I love this customer service!
04:56 PM My horoscope in the Godville Times told me that today I should buy beer, kill monsters, and sing all of “99 bottles of beer on the wall!”.
12:27 PM Cupil viciously snuggled up to the enemy, striking it with high voltage charges of static electricity.
01:49 PM I was having a great time haunting people, until they went and had me exorcised. None of the afterlives would take me in either. On the plus side, I eventually managed to re-enter my body, and I sure scared the hell out of the priest who salted my corpse!
08:17 AM The mayor was defeated with a deft blow to the forehead. Rejoice, villagers!
My quest to protect the village from its mayor has been completed! Received a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!
05:05 PM The doctor was running late, so Auteur Dent and I discussed our ailments while waiting. Our symptoms are so similar!
12:14 PM With its last breath the defeated Battle Ox coughed up Oonaa and died. She looked a little shaken up, but handed me a fantasy archetype and 82 coins she found in its belly as a thank you for saving her.
09:20 AM Roxeffer jumped in front of me and yelled, “Interception!” as the healing ray descended from the heavens. Please try it again, Soul Supreme, he’s gone now!
07:01 PM The Tentacula beat the world record for punching itself. I got 131 gold coins and a philosopher’s stone for supporting it.
05:58 PM I placed ten bags of gold on the sacrificial altar and offered a quick prayer to the Exalted One asking for a better life… It worked! I felt my experience bar slightly increase in size.
05:54 PM Broadbandit tries to take control over the enemy’s mind. TheMadYakker snorts with contempt and sets his headpiece straight.
07:15 PM There are some things I feel guilty even thinking about. Which is why I just do them without thinking.
06:14 PM Just got haunted by my own ghost from one of my previous deaths. How does that work, anyway?
05:21 PM Met up with Aritahl and challenged her to see who could kick a wasp’s nest the furthest. We both lost.
11:06 PM Greg1 jumped in front of me and yelled, “Interception!” as the healing ray descended from the heavens. Please try it again, Mighty One, he’s gone now!
01:29 PM Planted my evil laugh track in a pile of Synthetic Organism dung. I can’t wait to see what will grow.
06:33 PM The Lost Viking raised its hand for a deadly final strike against me, when Snowy suddenly threw himself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, its neck broken. Snowy was knocked out by the impact of the monster’s carcass. Oh, my Lord, if I don’t bring him back to his senses in time, he’ll lose all his levels and his will to compete!
09:20 AM Snowy’s hospital bill: 6705 coins. Having my favorite double dragon back in one piece: priceless.
Trying to lick his own elbow…
Bat signal +60
07:35 PM I was trying to spread the word at Godville’s main square, informing the people about my guild, when suddenly thunder boomed and amplified my voice a hundredfold. People here are going to remember the “42 – THE answer!” guild for a long time.
07:35 PM 42 – THE answer!’s members organized a temporary petting zoo in the main square. The people loved it and no one was accidentally mauled.
07:00 PM After a bit of a war, I managed to pick it up and put it into a Texas hold. Built a few bridges and won its heart with a solitaire, so now everything is rummy and we go fishing together all the time.
I successfully completed the quest to tame a wild card. Looted treasure – check! Slain princess – check! Rescued dragon – check… Um… I think I made a mistake somewhere. I’d better get rid of the evidence…
04:24 AM Went with my pet to advanced pet fights. Snowy valiantly defeated and marked the opponent, earning us a solid 2727 gold coins of cookie money. Good job, Snowy!
08:02 PM Durnholdt saw me planting some bird seeds. He said it was cuckoo, but I’m hoping for canaries just like the picture shows on the bag.
07:53 PM Oh no! Snowy just ate the battery-powered battery charger. It’s a good thing you’re so cute, Snowy, or you would be a rug by now.
08:02 PM Suddenly fainted while walking and then immediately came back to my senses, but feeling very calm. I can’t even feel anger from missing my hammer of realignment.
12:53 PM After such a glorious battle with the Double Dragon I could not bring myself to deliver the finishing blow. Instead, he will be my new companion. Come along, Snowy, let’s go questing!
07:22 PM Not able to end my quest, I decided to take my life. And suddenly when I almost passed away my quest was completed! Strange. Very strange.
Hooray! After all this long and agonizing traveling, the quest to rid Godville of all the unnecessary drama is finally over. Got a golden brick, an Odin’s beard and 12403 coins as a reward!
This is one of my favorite quests my hero has gotten in a while…
12:28 PM Shadowy representatives of the mole council demanded I go on a quest to arrange a date between Burger King and Dairy Queen to atone for my heinous crimes against molekind. They look like they mean business so I’d better do it.
01:26 AM Billboards all over Beerburgh proclaimed the local beer bottle recycling drive a success, thanks to help from the members of “42 – THE answer!.” And I have never been prouder of my contribution to anything.
08:03 PM Met an elderly couple on my way. They offered me a ride in their wagon and some biscuits for the road. I hope I get to meet them again someday.
05:02 PM The Deaf Leopard bribed me with 23 coins and tried to escape. I took the money, but then dealt it a fatal blow anyway. Who would let that much experience get away?
07:37 AM I couldn’t miss this great deal and changed my boring “swoop of the smith” skill to the new exciting “thumb beating” skill of the same level. Oh, boy, I love this customer service!
08:51 PM Finally, I get a day off. To celebrate this time to myself, when I don’t have to do any questing, I think I’ll use the means to justify the end, because I can!
07:05 PM The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did too. She started running so I ran too. Then she screamed so I screamed as well. I never even saw what we were running from.
08:27 PM Attended group therapy with the voices in my head. They all agreed I was disruptive and asked me to leave.
10:58 PM The Chain-Mailman watched in amazement as the wounds it had inflicted on me suddenly vanished. Surely now it believes in you, Most Righteous One!
11:18 PM Smoked a peace pipe with some wandering minstrels.
11:50 PM Omnipotent One, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the gold to buy shiny new things. Meanwhile, please accept my humble donation of 75 coins.
03:24: The dying Menthol Camel fetched me 16 gold coins, bringing me one step closer to world supremacy.
11:15 PM Just as the Lampless Genie was about to strike me down, I remembered I had legs. So long, Lampless Genie!
12:42 AM Screamed “Your time is up, Syntax Terror!” It glanced at its watch and muttered “Oh, you’re right.” before falling over. Picked up 100 gold coins and a closed mind.
10:11 PM TheMadYakker told Oliver Micskittles to close his eyes and he’d get a surprise. Oliver Micskittles agreed and got a punch in the face.
04:03: I was lifted into the light, felt my wounds start to heal, then was slammed into a tree and set on fire. My Lord, you are truly getting creative with your wrath!
11:04 PM Won 652 gold coins from Rubyk in a game of horseshoes, but boy, it was hard work! Think we’ll take them off the horses’ feet next time.
12:38 AM If taverns would appear out of nowhere like those mysterious roadside traders do, questing would be a lot more fun.
02:33 AM A tiny little man in a white tuxedo popped out of the ground. He snatched my coin purse, put some coins in his top hat, mumbled some gibberish and pulled out a golden brick. Once more please!
03:16 PM Great One, I am sure you already know, but… Sometimes… I like to pretend I’m a carrot. I hope this doesn’t change our relationship.
10:18 AM Saw a homeless beaver begging by the side of the road. Didn’t give a dam.
06:23 PM The helpless Rain-Bow Archer lay groveling at my feet. I gave it the chance to whimper out a few last words before destroying it. Another monster down, Almighty One. Are you proud of me?
06:23 PM Just felt a chill run down my spine. Either I’ve just walked over one of my old graves or my ice cream’s melted in my backpack again.
06:38 PM Decided to take a short rest in a nearby cave. Scratched on the wall was, ‘Rubyk was here’. Made my own mark beneath it.
08:46 PM Saw a sign reading “R.Inc. guild rules!” Amended it by adding “Rule 1: Don’t join this guild. Rule 2: If you’re in this guild, leave immediately. Rule 3: Join 42 – THE answer! instead”. Tee hee!
Find a deaf man who’s heard about a blind man seeing a legless man walk
05:20 PM I finally managed to learn how to spin straw into gold bricks and received one of the shiniest, most resplendent gold bricks I’ve ever seen. I will place this one at the entrance to your temple, Almighty.
07:52 PM Good news, Luminous One! I learned a very useful new skill: “street magic”. At least the traveling master who trained me promised it was very useful.
10:53 PM Strange words drifted by in a cloud of smoke: “You are destined for great things.”
02:28 AM Something wicked that way went…
08:32 AM Dear Lord, most omniscient, beneficent, and unpredictable, whose existence was, is, and forever shall be eternal and interminable; the delight of my eyes and the song of my heart, whose wisdom flows like a waterfall unto… I forgot what I was going to say.
02:52 AM Sweet, Batman’s cowl! This matches my other gear. Soon I’ll have an entire set.
09:51 AM Whoever invented the pet toothbrush never tried to brush a dust bunny’s teeth.
10:38 PM Found a package with the label “BACON” on it. Ate it without question.
10:50 PM TheMadYakker slapped Terracotta Worrier. It seems that the tooth fairy is going to visit him tonight.
10:53 PM Weeknee got punched so hard he saw dots before his eyes. He then connected them to make a smiley face. Neat.
10:57 PM Notes from the battlefield: The heroes brought together by the great random have defeated the Deafening Terracotta Worrier! TheMadYakker added 3825 coins, a golden brick, a free fall accelerator and a Godville particle to his bag.
02:10 AM Played hide and seek with my dust bunny. Spent the next few minutes crying and begging Pilot to come back.
05:15 PM Met JuluJulu, and together we rested by a campfire. The warm meal and the good company helped restore quite a bit of my health.
11:54 PM My quest to build a gingerbread house for that harmless old lady was a triumph! I’m making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. Got a golden brick too.
05:59 PM As the Ninja Pirate was about to deliver me unto death, I asked him in a ragged voice, “Why?” He looked at me with greatest contempt and asked, “Remember that chain letter you didn’t forward?” Darn it!
04:21 PM Got tired of waiting for you to resurrect me, Luminous One, so I beat up Death, took his scythe, and made my own way to the world of the living.
05:24 PM Hi, sir, this is Silryne. I’m writing in TheMadYakker’s diary to let you know that I don’t believe in you.
Bat signal +61
09:12 AM Snowy suddenly flew into a rage and breathed fire at the opponent. We were all shocked. What other hidden talents does my pet have?
05:54 PM Carefully placed the last brick, swept all the rooms, opened all doors, and cut the ribbon in a stately manner with my sword. I can’t believe it’s finally happened! After all these months of work, the temple in your name is finished, my Lord! I feel crazy with happiness!
05:54 PM My Lord, I checked the donations box in your temple and found a mysterious blue brick. As I tried to decide what to sell it for, it suddenly disappeared, leaving me totally confused.
05:18 PM Just reached the ocean on a river of my tears, which were created purposefully and solely for this quest and have nothing to do with monsters bigger than me forcing me to run away scared all the time.
My quest to cry a river and sail to the ocean has brought a very nice reward of 19404 coins right into my pocket! Hope I won’t lose it on my way back…