Roll up, roll up! For one week only!
I’m baaaaack! I’ll be online for the next week or so. Drop me a message! Say hi! Make me jealous by reminding me of all the cool things I’ve missed!
Oh, and a massive thanks to my babysitters. I’ve lost count of you all, but you’re all awesome. Especially DANgerzone79.
Big News! I’ve added a massive paragraph on my Russian adventures. Around half way through-ish my chronicles. Hope you enjoy!
Retirement Speech (which now is a bit outdated as I’m not totally “retired” but still it’s a convenient word to use so let’s stick with it)
To all (yes, you included!) I am saddened to say that I am today (11th May, 2014) announcing my retirement from Godville. With SBFH’s retirement fresh in mind, I began to think about mine, and I soon realised a few things. Life is too busy for me, and although I have met so, so very many lovely people on here, it’s time to say goodbye. I thank you all for your kindness and the fun I’ve had with you; the dungeons, digs, Guild Council ravings and everything else inbetween. I wish you all the very best of luck both in and out of Godville :) lots (and lots) of love, Dykvg.
Due to my retirement they will not be updated any more, but I view them as close to completion anyway. They were really fun to write; I occasionally dabble (is that the right word?) into writing comedy, and this was another lovely outlet. I was shocked, yet proud, to reach so high in Storytelling, and I thank you all for your kindness. I have no idea how they’ll fare after this message, I guess we’ll see. Until some time in the distant future, goodbye! I sincerely hope that these chronicles give entertainment to everyone.- Who says they won’t? This is Rowena Ravenclaw. I’m one of the lucky ones who got to take over this account. I’m going to try and update his chronicles if I feel like they should be updated, but I’m not going to promise anything.
A message from DANgerzone79: And the ark is finished!!! Even though Gukvfivkk was left in the hands of fellow guildmates who could not venture into the dungeons as much as the original adored and missed Dykvg, the ark is complete at the 47th position on 10/26/2014! Many have helped over the course of this journey, but a big thanks go to Hammrsgl, Keleios, Silly-one4u, and M-k3 for the final run!
Too much “serious”, not enough “funny” so far. The rest of the chronicles will have no “serious” whatsoever, and no guarantees on the “funny”. Far ago, in a galaxy a long, long way away…
Conception
After a lovely night of drinking himself silly, Satan forged the body of Gukvfivkk, creating the almighty God Dykvg to watch over him. How did Satan decide what to name them? You guessed it! By mashing keys on a keyboard after having a little too much to drink. Ahh, so that explains why their names sound like gibberish. Coincidentally, (or maybe not), it reflects 90% of their dialogue.
Author’s Note: Yes, I’m (vaguely) serious. I did just mash the keyboard when it asked for a username and hero name. Kind of explains why their names sound rather Icelandic. Fortunately, I didn’t do the same for the password. And no, I’m not Satan. That’s figurative.
Author’s Note Part II: I realise that them being created by Satan kind of goes against the “pure good” (or at least good alignment; I like to pretend Gukfivkk is pure good, but…) personality. I would say that’s probably because they’re too drunk to follow Satan’s commands, but Satan doesn’t seem too bothered. Unless you count Gukfivkk’s numerous failures to pick up a date. Then again, not many village drunks tend to also be ladies’ men. Except for that one particularly handsome fellow I know… Wait, that’s me! Perhaps I should just be quiet and continue?
Gukfivkk’s Profile
Hmm, so maybe Satan’s excessive drinking rubbed off on poor Gukvfivkk. It would explain his tendency to visit the many bars of Godville at every opportunity possible, racking up tabs so huge that Gukfivkk can’t even count that high. Actually, he can’t count anything above 2 … As you will see, maths is not his forté. Neither is music – ask any tavern-goers who have had the delight of listening to Gukfivkk’s singing.
- Favourite town: Beerburgh (Oh the shock, the horror! I hope you’re not surprised.)
- Liver Transplant Tally: |||| (And counting)
- Girlfriend Tally: (And… Counting…)
- Hero’s Age: 2 (He can’t count any higher)
- Blood Type: Alcohol (Doctors are perplexed)
- Gold coins wasted: 0 (Wasted? Beer money is money well spent!)
Purpose In The Higher Echelons Of Life
It appears that Gukfivkk loves drinking himself into a stupor, fighting monsters when drunk, and racking up a massive number deaths, largely from drinking so much that even his God can’t help him.
So, join Gukfivkk on his foolish quest!
- Spread terror by drinking beer!
- Slay princesses and rescue dragons!
- Don’t do quests, ignore quest givers and drink more!
- Sing songs about your achievements and quests you haven’t done!
- Sing songs about the quests you probably should do!
- Sing songs about being told off for not doing those quests!
- Require countless liver and kidney transplants!
- Rack up hundreds of visits to Godville’s hospital!
Fail to pick up dates, just like Gukfivkk!- Imagine new colours!
- Visit Beerburgh for obvious reasons!
- Die countless times from a variety of ways: Liver, kidney and heart failures!
Pure Good?
It is important to note that Gukfivkk always gives back to the local communities. Naturally, Gukfivkk is happy to donate large sums of money to the local taverns – of course, a hefty amount of beer is given as a ‘thankyou’ gift, which Gukfivkk happily accepts. It may not help his slight drinking problem, but at least he can make the excuse of being charitable…
A Failed Mission
Dykvg (the great and almighty God) once tried to stop his hero from drinking, many years ago. It didn’t go so well, partly because he attempted to do so whilst drunk. And when he isn’t drunk, he’s sleeping. Or drinking some more. Oh, and Gukvfivkk was also drunk, to the point where he couldn’t even hear his Lord’s commands.
Guild Life
Dykvg founded the Legion of Doom some 19 months ago, and since then it has thrived. Probably because it hands out free beers to passers-by. In January 2013, Dykvg made the great leap from his old guild to Blue Feather, where he currently resides and is slowly climbing the ranks, and then sliding down them for fun, to please his partially intoxicated inner-child. Gukfivkk probably chose to change guilds because of the excess beer in Blue Feather’s strongholds, and he really couldnt say no to that untapped reserve of alcohol. Okay, maybe they don’t share Gukvfivkk’s boundless passion for drinking… But that just means more beer for Gukfivkk!
Don’t Read This Bit
And now for a brief interlude. I must catch my breath – chronicling Dykvg’s adventures is difficult when you try chugging pints of beer at the same time. Okay, enough with the beer jokes. Not because they’re starting to get repetitive, but because I genuinely have nothing else to say without sounding rather repetitive (oh, the irony!). Nevertheless, while reading this, I suggest you giggle quietly to yourself. Because that’s what you would be doing, had I been sober enough at this point in time to write something that actually makes sense (that, by the way, was a joke. I somewhat doubt my ability to write anything legible when even mildly intoxicated). In my opinion, this is the least important part of the chronicle. It’s that bit in a huge block of text near the end that most people tend to scroll straight past. Who cares about this section? Everyone wants to see something funny, and you won’t find that here. Want something funny? Laugh at Gukfivkk. That’s funny. On a semi-related note, I seriously doubt anybody will ever even read this. That’s the only reason I wrote this paragraph, it’s not even comical. It’s a test of determination in the face of great adversity, to battle through the wind, rain and dullness to read the witterings of this pitiful author, for which you will receive absolutely no meaningful reward. If you actually have persevered, through the sheer dullness and boredom of this entirely uninteresting mountain of text and pointless characters, well, kudos to you! You shall soon receive a statue in your honour in the post. While waiting for that, I suggest you continue to giggle quietly to yourself. The person sitting on your right is starting to think something is up, and you may as well keep going instead of stopping suddenly and drawing an even more awkward stare. He also realises that you won’t receive a statue in the post, and is now giggling at you instead. “Touché, random stranger. You have defeated me once again”, you say.
Pets, Pet History, Brutal Deaths and More
Gukfivkk’s first ever pet was Scratchy the Solar Bear. As the name suggests, he liked scratching things. Gukfivkk’s eyes were no exception. Put it this way: If Gukfivkk had been sober enough to revive his pet, he would have swiftly headed to the taverns.
Next came Behemoth. Nobody can remember what type of pet Behemoth was, so just imagine a massive Dust Bunny bounding around Godville and you’re on the right tracks. No amount of money could bribe a priest to slap Behemoth back alive, and he now sleeps alone in Godville’s biggest graveyard.
And then there was Felix. Felix is so special his name turns bold whenever written. In all honesty, Felix has done more to help the world than Dykvg and Gukfivkk put together. There’s no point writing more about Felix. Felix knows he’s better than his owner. (Note: This entry has a load of Heffalump dribble dotted all over, as well as clumps of fur stuck to the page. Best to refrain from jumping to conclusions… Heffalumps have sharp teeth.)
Gukfivkk Goes on an Epic Quest
After aimlessly wandering the streets of Godville, Gukfivkk began to wonder whether was more to life than drinking, fighting, and questing (and more drinking).
Huh, so Gukfivkk was wandering and wondering? That sounds a tad too complex for his little brain…
Anyway. So, after this minor existential crisis, Gukfivkk decided to embark on an epic quest. Some tavern-goers informed him that this was just more questing and that it would absolutely nothing to change his life,but Gukfivkk didn’t listen. He was stone drunk, and set on completing this quest.
And so he packed his equipment, supplies, and gourd full of alcohol. He battled through the wind, the rain, the unrelenting storms that seem to appear when any hero set out on a tough quest…
For a whole ten minutes.
He then decided to head back to the nearest tavern and refresh his mind. At this point, Gukfivkk realised he wouldn’t be able to remember what this quest was about, and so resolved that he would wait another twenty quests before attempting another epic one.
A truly epic adventure. I hope it didn’t dissapoint you. You really shouldn’t get your hopes up about Gukfivkk doing something impressive.
Skills
After travelling for some time, Gukfivkk realised he had acquired a number of combat skills. He wasn’t sure exactly what they did, but realised that whenever he used one, his hands turned white-hot and obliterated everything in his path. “Perhaps”, he thought, “there’s a link between the two?”.
Alas, Gukfivkk’s brain was strained trying to work out what these mysterious skills did. And so, he decided to swap half of them out for some fairly useless trade skills, spending thirty thousand coins to level up a skill that saves a few thousand coins at best. Dykvg facepalmed himself fairly hard at this point.
A True Miracle Occurs
Yes, that’s right, Gukfivkk actually used a trade skill. And not once, but twice! I even took a blood test before posting this, just in case I had inadvertantly swallowed some hallucinogenics. I hadn’t.
04:22: Put my “awkward silence” skill into practice and got a 54% discount.
04:22: I cunningly put my “awkward silence” skill to good use, and the bewildered trader involuntarily handed me an additional 234 coins for my piece of old equipment.
NEW: Dykvg’s Russian Adventure!
Boss Abilities
бойкий – Nimble (“Jaunty”)
взрывной – Explosive
глушащий – Deafening (“Silencing”)
драпающий – Sneaky (“Skedaddle”)
зовущий – Summoning (“Calling”)
золотоносный – Auriferous
лучезарный – Enlightened (“Effulgent”)
мощный – Hulking (“Powerful”)
неверующий – Faithless (“Unbeliever”)
паразитирующий – Leeching (“Parasite”)
пробивающий – Sweeping (“Piercing”)
спешащий – Scurrying (Attacks on same turn)
тащущий – Pickpocketing
творящий – Skilled (“Doeth”)
транжирящий – Squandering
Dykvg’s Russian Adventure
Writing some time around January, perhaps later, 2014
A while back I decided to try my hand at Russian Godville, despite not speaking a word of Russian. I met a Russian person last year though, that’s close enough for me.
Prepare yourself for a rollercoaster of poor translations, a desperate lack of puns, and a return to the Godville learning curve!
After button mashing my way through the “registering an account”, I somehow found my hero, again called Gukfivkk (I’m not very imaginative). Everything seems incredibly similar – they may have a few more pantheons, and some players who have already completed their savings, but on the whole it’s the same game. I’ll update this once I understand what I’m actually doing here!
Writing some time around early May, 2014
So apparently it’s taken me 4 months to “understand what I’m actually doing here”. Actually, I just forgot I made this account. Oops. This is when I decided to take a protracted break from regular Godville. However, in the short spaces of time I had, which were all too few… Here’s what happened. I decided to look back at my totally neglected hero from Russian Godville.
Literal translations from an Anglophone who doesn’t speak Russian very well
Checking up on my hero again, it looks like he’s joined a guild, “Совомедведи”. It translates, according to the wonderful Google Translate, as Guild “Sovomedvedi”. I hope that’s not rude.
In other news, I’ve found that Russian doesn’t translate well to English. Sometimes you can (just about) make out what it’s meant to mean, orther times I’ve just felt confused and annoyed at my inability to learn other languages. But, there’s always amusement to be found in Godville. Some entries seem totally confused, for example, “Шествует важно, в спокойствии чинном…” translates as “Marches important in tranquility staid …”, and “Переходит реку вброд…” translates as “Ford the river goes…”. Please tell me if you understand what they mean.
There’s plenty more too, it’s actually pretty fun trying to work out what the punchline is in some entries. For example: “Psychologists say that at any moment I can steal the air. Just do not want. I’ll show you how I do not want!”. Try working out what that’s about! (Actually, I figured out what it meant, I explain this later!)
Encouraging
All I’m going to say here is that I love it when a single encourage can heal my hero to full health. It’s great having a low level hero. And it also means loads of auras of rage.
Writing some time around late May, 2014
Still super busy. Decided to check up on Gukfivkk again (the Russian one). This time, I decided to hunt for bosses.
Digging
I started off by translating “dig” into Russian (допать). After spending all my godpower, I realised this probably wasn’t the correct word for digging. So, I asked around Russian Godville (you may have come across me saying, “what is ‘dig’ in Russian?!”). After a while, a few helpful players responded; “копай”. Thanks to Natallia, who helped with this. Let’s dig!
11:03: Выдернув лопату из земли, обнаружил на ней следы зубов. Судя по прикусу, никакие это не кроты…
My first boss. Eep. It looked just like a normal boss fight – AFK ally, useless hero… Typical. But I had absolutely no idea what abilities the boss had. I was on mobile, and couldn’t copy and paste the boss’ ability, and couldn’t find it anywhere in the Russian-English dictionary. Also, I had no idea how to use voice commands.
After punishing I quickly realised it was faithless. After using voice commands I realised the other ability was deafening. Easy!
11:19: Заметки о схватке с боссом: Сведённые судьбой герои одержали победу над исчадием зла! Глушащий Бузильник порван на лоскуты. Gukfivkk забирает 2828 золотых монет, кондиционер для доспехов, чёрный ящик и коктейль «Особый старательский».
Great! My first boss kill. But that part at the end of the entry above, «Особый старательский», translates as “special prospecting”. What does that mean?
Writing some time around June, 2014
Timing my hero over a one month timespan, he’s collected 29 gold bricks. That’s pretty slow progress, to say the least. Perhaps it is just TGR, but my equally neglected EnGv alt progressed quite a lot faster when he was a similar level. It’s not worth drawing any conclusions from, but I’ll keep an eye on his temple progression. Edit: I haven’t actually kept an eye on his temple progression. Oops.
In other news, I’ve appointed a babysitter for Russian Dykvg, as (once again) I’ll have no time to look after him. Don’t expect much – a few encourages here and there. If you’re hanging around for his Russian temple party (and the copious, perhaps dangerous, volumes of Godville’s finest vodka), then don’t get your hopes up… It’ll be quite some time. Edit: Keep waiting, he’s not even at 25% yet! (As of 05.01.2014)
Pets? Pets!
Russian Gukfivkk just got his first pet! His name is Buba (Буба), his ability is currently “Playful” (Игривый), and he’s a… Brain slug (Мозговой Слизень). Oh brilliant, my heroic pet is a slug. Watch out everyone, Gukfivkk’s running wild with his sidekick slug! That’s hardly going to inspire fear in his enemies, is it? sigh…
Although there’s always that popular ‘inversion of phrases’ when you’re in Russia, so… “In Russian Godville, slug steps on you.” Well, perhaps it is a little more scary then. Just a bit.
Late June, maybe the start of July, 2014
Another month, another 30-or-so days of neglect. What’s new? Gukfivkk (Russian) is now 10% of the way to finishing his temple, after just under two months (long story, basically I restarted two months ago). Which means it will take around 20 months, nearly two years, to finish that temple of his. Which is pretty similar to how long it took the original Gukfivkk. I neglected him as well for the first few years. Gold brick rate does seem to be picking up (for no reason whatsoever, as far as I can work out). Edit: No it isn’t. Now January 2015, and 23.8%. Probably because it has been months since I last checked up on him.
What else? Well, Gukfivkk’s found himself a new guild, Общество анонимных коней. What’s that, you say? The Society of Anonymous Horses? Not bad. Although, last time I checked, Gukfivkk wasn’t a horse.
Note: Общество анонимных коней may translate as The Anonymous Society of Horses. Anyone know which translates more accurately? I think the first translation is funnier, so I’ll stick with that in future.
Interesting Observations
Cost of charges
Purchasing charges in Russian Godville (OriGv) is a lot cheaper than in English Godville (EnGv).
I don’t really buy charges, and haven’t in OriGv. But, for those interested: OriGv, charges cost £0.69 for 5, and £18.99 for 200. EnGv, charges cost £0.69 for 4, and £34.99 for 250. That’s a pretty big difference if you’re bulk buying.
Voice Commands
As mentioned before, simply translating words like “heal”, “dig”, “smite”, “pray” don’t always work perfectly. I have not yet tried combining or examining, but I expect they may be a bit more difficult too. Anyway, here’s the successful VC’s I use.
Strike: “бить хит удара разбить уничтожить убить порази Бей сильнее”. “Бей” is the keyword that definitely works, translating as “beat” or “hit”.
Dig: “копай” or “Ищи клад”. Note that “допать” doesn’t work.
Heal: “заживают раны отдохнуть восстановить”. I’m not sure which one is the keyword, it could be more than one, but it works. Translates as “heal wounds rest restore”, my EnGv command.
Pray: “молиться хвала поклонение пожертвовать жертву”. Again, I’m not sure which one is the keyword, it could be more than one, but it works. Translates as “pray praise worship donate sacrifice”, my EnGv command.
Skirmishes
There are no out-of-arena skirmishes between heroes in OriGv. Talking to those who have played for longer than myself, this was removed some time ago in an update to the Game News. It’s possible that EnGv recieves an update like this in good time. I guess this explains why Gukfivkk (Russian) has a 0:0 Win:Loss record. Edit: It turns out I was right – EnGv no longer has skirmishes. Cool!
Edit 2: Gukfivkk now has a 1:0 Win:Loss record after I sent him to the arena by mistake, when activating an item. I didn’t record what the item was – it cost 0% gp to activate. The fight was totally AFK… Lucky me!
Edit 3: These 0% gp items have now been introduced to EnGv. It looks like updates come to OriGv first, so any dedicated player could probably predict future En updates by looking at the Russian version.
Boss Fights!
(19th June) Completely by chance, I logged in to Gukfivkk after a month or so to find him fighting 6 boss monsters… All at the same time. Perhaps EnGv has had an update to incorporate this into the game, or perhaps not. If not, expect an update soon I guess. Edit: As far as I know there’s been no update, maybe it’ll come soon?
Details of this boss fight: One main boss (Корована), with five “Guard” (Охранник) monsters. Main boss had 55 health, Guard monsters had between 42 and 58 health. It may be worth noting that one Guard monster had more health than the main boss. Turns were as usual, Gukfivkk hits, all monsters hit, dry, rinse, repeat. Looking below, the loot is pretty impressive for such an easy fight. Sadly I didn’t look at how much damage Gukfivkk recieved from the monsters, it’ll be worth recording that next time. Or not, if they have already been introduced to EnGv.
Loot: 22:37: Заметки о стычке с группой: Корован прекращает своё существование ввиду неожиданной кончины его членов. Gukfivkk кладёт в карман 2501 золотую монету, золотой кирпич, золотой кирпич, золотой кирпич, золотой кирпич, золотой кирпич, складной метр с кепкой, 13-листный клевер, список выкинутых из песен слов, русскую рулетку, данайский дар, инфиники, закрывающий тег, дневник одного орка, дубиновую резинку и две капли воды.
Loot Translation (From Google Translate, too tired to try myself): 22:37: Notes on a skirmish with a group: Korowai ceases to exist due to the sudden death of its members. Gukfivkk pockets the 2501 gold coin, gold brick, gold brick, gold brick, gold brick, gold brick, folding ruler, with a cap 13-sheeted clover, thrown out of the list of songs the words Russian roulette danaysky gift infiniki closing tag diary of one orc dubinovuyu gum and two drops of water.
Updates on Progress
Day 31: 29 gold bricks Day 54: 91 gold bricks (A bit of a jump!) Day 157: 221 gold bricks (I totally didn’t forget about him for three months…)
Puns in Russian Godville
As one lovely player (Natallia) has pointed out, a large amount of entries in Russian Godville centre around double entendres (not rude ones, mind). The interesting part is that there are (apparently) a lot more than in English Godville. As Natallia explained, the quest “Спереть воздух” can have two meanings – “stale the air” and “steal the air”. That explains the confusion I had earlier about this quest making no sense.
I’m stating the obvious here: A lot of humour is difficult to appreciate unless you speak Russian well, as translators and dictionaries don’t give “similar” meanings that you’d be expected to work out yourself. Moral of the story? Learn Russian.
Likewise, as expected, there are many entries referring to Russian culture. Hardly surprising, but it makes me scratch my heard in confusion at a number of entries. It’s been useful to befriend players who can explain them.
Nonetheless, if you’re learning to speak Russian, it’s actually pretty helpful to play this. Russian Godville for schools, I say!
Last updated early January, 2014. This marks the last entry to my Russian Godville chronicles for some time. До свидания!
The Part We’ve All Been Waiting For
The boring incredibly interesting bit now follows. Personally, I am quite surprised that Gukfivkk hasn’t made the news more often with his ridiculously expensive drunken nights out, but I guess they’re all too common in Godville. Or maybe everyone’s just used to it by now, and it’s no longer newsworthy. Either way, as this section is more a place for me to store my hero’s (somewhat minor) achievements so I don’t forget, I urge you to disregard it (and all you have just read also).
Gukvfivkk – 72nd-level adventurer, member of the “Blue Feather” guild, with the motto “¿Dungeons?”, stands at the 150th position in the pantheon of gratitude under the vigilant supervision of the god Dykvg. We’ve had many reports that a Tower Defender has been afraid to make eye contact with him since their last encounter. Day 1234 g.e, edition #987.
Eyewitnesses say that Dykvg was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo! Day 1244 g.e, edition #997
• It’s reported that Dykvg can improve ideas even with his eyes closed. Day 1247 g.e, edition #1001
Dykvg finds improving ideas an incredibly painful chore, but, as a masochist, he promises to continue to do it. Day 1255 g.e, edition #1008
Dykvg finds improving ideas an incredibly painful chore, but, as a masochist, he promises to continue to do it. Day 1259 g.e, edition #1012
• It’s reported that Dykvg can improve ideas even with his eyes closed. Day 1453 g.e, edition #1206
Gukfivkk’s Personal Pantheon of Good Nights Out
I sincerely hope that this pantheon can console people, as no hero can possibly be quite this useless. Or at least, I really, really, really hope they can’t. If yours is… Erm, be glad your hero enjoys him(her)self. Every cloud has a silver lining, some more expensive than others.
Since you are too drunk to understand what I’m about to tell you now, I’ll be taking 24831 gold coins from your bag for the cost of all your ruckus tonight. -Tavern Owner
A con artist told me he needed 18061 gold coins to go straight. It was the least I could do to help someone in need.
I’m as drunk as I can possibly be, Luminous One. I shall invest these 27565 gold coins for the future instead of spending them on beer, so that I can be this drunk all the time when I retire.
Threw 13267 coins in a wishing well and wished for more gold. Nice investment, I think.
Had some fun at “Progress Bar.” Spent 17845 coins.
Everyone was excited when “The Drunken Clam” announced free beer in honor of Blue Feather. By the time I got there, all they had left was the bill for 18253 gold coins.
Had some fun at “The Battle Toad.” Spent 33278 coins.
Lost 18149 gold coins playing tic-tac-toe with a guy in a tavern. Oh, these taverns!
Bravely slew some brain cells in the local tavern, costing me only 19054 gold coins.
Lost 27912 coins gambling in the local tavern. At least I kept my pants this time!
Tried to impress some townsfolk by demonstrating my “bloody itch” skill in “Progress Bar”. Had to pay 19699 coins to make up for all the damage.
Lost 14624 coins playing strip poker. It would have been more, but the other players paid me to keep my clothes on.
My mouth tastes like I made bad decisions last night, and I’m missing 33526 gold coins. Where’s my toothbrush? and immediately after… Uh-oh. Fell asleep during my prayers. Wiped the drool from my face and hastily donated 11739 coins in the hopes that the Almighty was busy plaguing some distant land.
Thought about building an extension to your temple, Great One. Thought it would be easier to spend 19196 coins on beer, and build an extension to my gut instead.
Had to pay a fine of 24743 coins for parking Felix. Darn, a heffalump is too expensive…
I can’t find 14194 gold coins. Really hope I didn’t leave them in my pockets when I sent my clothes to the laundry.
Asked “What’s a hero gotta do to get a beer around here?” Apparently spending 12154 gold coins was the answer.
Saw Canti in town. Paid him 16829 gold coins to watch Felix while I hung out at the tavern for a bit.
Stopped at the tavern on my way to the bank. Forgot about the bank and deposited 20617 coins into the tavern instead. and immediately after… Had a meal at the temple. Tipped 4719 gold coins to the waiter, who promised me that he would convey the money to the Exalted One.
Decided to go to a coffee shop instead of the tavern to save money. Still spent 14476 coins, but was awake all night worrying about it. and immediately after… Soul Supreme, I am very smart, but I end up doing stupid stuff. Here’s 9392 coins for putting up with it.
Took a shot in the dark. Then a couple in the light. Spent 10325 gold coins at “Molotov’s Cocktail Bar.”
Went cow tipping. Tipped them 26963 gold coins for their excellent service and high quality dairy products.
Felix needed some dental work, so I laid out the necessary 48817 gold coins. It was a painful chunk of my budget, but he has a fearsome smile now. Even I am a bit scared. My record! Los Adminos with 52478 coins to begin with.
Tried to be omnipresent. The captain of the guard threw me in jail and fined me 26787 gold coins for voyeurism.
Invested 11093 gold coins into a Ligerian time-share apartment. The expected profits have yet to materialize, so I may have to continue questing for the foreseeable future. (My favourite gold wasting entry!)
The World’s Best Hero
After spending 32,000 on a skill, then wasting 120 gold coins, in Los Adminos..:
Great One, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the gold to buy shiny new things. Meanwhile, please accept my humble donation of 1 gold coin.
Personal Favourite Earthly News
“Eschewing Obfuscation…” To the person who wrote that: You are amazing.
Personal Favourite Diary Entry “Apparently, the reason I keep getting ripped off is that anyone with Verdana can forge my signature.” To the person who wrote that: You are also amazing.
The Grand Finale
And the chronicles appear to end here. All that is left of Dykvg’s diary is a drunken scrawl of jumbled letters… He must have been drinking again. Hmm.
New stuff added: A massive section on my experiences in Russian Godville! If you’ve tired of the endless jokes about Gukfivkk’s drunkeness and stupidity, it’s the place to go. If you’re on OriGv, feel free to drop on there. Don’t expect a quick reply though – I look at it every few months. Same username, “Dykvg”. A huge thanks to anyone who’s read these chronicles. Any feedback, good, bad, constructive or not, is always hugely appreciated!
Last edited 05.01.15. I’m not too sure why anybody would want to know that.