Today, I raise a tankard of bloody mess to my dearest BlueMane as we celebrate her 12th birthday. When we began this journey, who would ever have believed she and I would still daily protect the roads of Godville while we terrorize its taverns? No one, and yet, here we are, serving Godville and Armok. Power to the Slaves!! and happy Birthday, BlueMane. If anyone else would like to join in as a rain a little fire down upon her all are welcome. We need to keep our little pawns in their places, after all.
The Origin of the Goddess Elfen and her minion Bluemane
Elfen is pure Dwarf, bred and born in the Halls of Armok. Her grandfather was among the founders of the Great Hall, and his immense stash of BloodyMess, brought from beyond the borders of GodVille, is still hidden in Elfen’s tunnels and storerooms beneath the Hall. She shares this bounty liberally with her fellow Slaves to Armok when grand celebrations are called for.
As a child, Elfen caught her head in a mechanical rice picker, and so the deformity of her ears.
Elfen blushes at the obscure cultural reference to original Star Trek. Kirk’s explanation to the police in “City on the Edge of Forever” for Spock’s ears.
As a child, she was teased unmercifully because of her elfish looking ears, hence the rude nickname that she now bears as a badge of honor.
And then a strange child was born among the dwarves. She was a child of great beauty, but for the color of her hair. She bore the stigma of the dark dwarves who had fled Godville because they began to worship the moon. Armok ordered that they be sent beyond the far reaches or die, and for hundreds of years it was thought that all that was dark among the dwarves was vanquished.
Then this child was born with hair so black that in the light of the tunnels beneath Armok Hall that it shone the deepest blue. With her birth, many of the the dwarves who followed the ways of Armok found that the seed of evil once again began to arise within their spirits.
The child was teased and called Bluemane in reference to her locks. As the mystery of her origins grew and the followers of the old ways increase, fear gripped Armok, and Bluemane was sentenced to death.
Elfen, understanding the hurt caused by being different, stepped in and swore oath that she would protect the little one for as long as Bluemane honored her as her Goddess. When she became of age, and had enough brains to stop kissing Grey Dragons, Bluemane petitioned to become a heroine of GodVille.
By this are Elfen and Bluemane joined: Neither the taunts nor the questions of others will dishearten their spirit. The names of Elfen and Bluemane will be honored and feared! We are a Slaves to Armok!
The BloodStone Delivery
Bluemane arrives at San Satanos in the early hour of the evening.
She wipes the blood from her chain letter mail, bows deeply, and addresses the cardinals of Harvest Moon Hall:
My Lords, six markers outside of San Satanos, the company of dwarfs, accompanied by our guide, Argoet, was ambushed by a marauding group of glowing grue. The ensuing battle was fierce and bloody.
DenisKoh’s exploding buns proved their value as weapons of battle, but three of the company that set out to deliver the BloodStone to Harvest Moon died protecting the shipment. If not for the bravery of the Slaves to Armok and Argoet, the losses would have been greater, and the BloodStone would be in the hands, I mean the razor-sharp claws, of the glowing grue.
We mourn our losses, but deliver the BloodStone, as promised, to Harvest Moon.
Bluemane bows once again and turns the chests, heavy with the precious BloodStone, over to the care of Harvest Moon.
We do not wish to burden you, but we are in need of a healer and a drink. If you would be so kind, we shall rest briefly and return home to our halls to resurrect our dead. We shall see you again in a month’s time.
Power to the Slaves!!
The Goddess Elfen frowns from afar, slightly amazed that her minion has picked up some manners from somewhere. She will spend a few hours meditating upon this turn of events. Is it proper for a warrior dwarf maiden to be polite? Hhhhhmmmm…….
Bluemane’s Rise to Cardinal
Greetings Slaves to Armok!
The doors to Armok Hall are flung open wide! Tonight we celebrate the rise of Elfen’s minion, BlueMane to the Order of Cardinal.
With a grin, Elfen dons the elegant red robes which indicate that she guides a Cardinal of Armok, but then hurls the the red miter through the window when she realizes that the traditional dwarf Hat of the Cardinal doesn’t take into account her cursed pointy ears.
Dearest Wishie has provided cinnamon buns with chocolate chip cookies. From the dungeon halls of the far reaches, fine dwarf ale has arrived, and Harvest Moon’s best BloodyMess fills the kegs and will soon fill the revelers.
Delicacies and congratulations from the great halls of Godville have continued to arrive all day.
Signs have been appropriately placed warning that guests should avoid all buns not made made in the halls of Ni, and ThunderBeard has agreed to keep an eye on Menace Denis, making sure that as he drinks he does not begin serving the exploding Buns of Armok to our visitors. Cthulius, official Greeter to Armok, stands ready at the doors to welcome one and all.
The Goddess Elfen would be honored if Panspermia, Goddess of the Pure Good! and McGodimus Prime, God of the Pure Evil! will join us as our most honored guests. Never before has a guild ranked number one in both Creation and Destruction.
Elfen bows low and welcomes her guests! Let the party begin!
Bluemane’s Amazing Day
The Lady Elfen reports to the Slaves of Armok on Bluemane’s amazing day in Tradeburg:
Bluemane, after a particularly heroic day, stopped in Tradeburg for a healing and a drink. After her trades, she had a little over 6600 Gold Coins. That sounded like a moment to make a brick, not drink herself into a stupor, so The Goddess Elfen began to encourage.
During the next two minutes:
17:48 I was trying to spread the word at Tradeburg’s main square, informing the people about my guild, when suddenly thunder struck and amplified my voice a hundredfold. People here are going to remember the “Slaves to Armok” guild for a long time.
17:48 Suddenly, there was news about a golden calf grazing in field near Tradeburg. My Goddess, is that your handiwork? I took this opportunity and declared him a sacred symbol of the “Slaves to Armok” guild.
17:48 Suddenly found a halo above my head. Seized the opportunity and ran to the city square to do some preaching. My guild is going to get more influence here.
17:49 Felt some strange movement in my pockets. Looks like I’ve got yet another golden brick!
17:49 I had to grovel at the merchant’s feet to buy this golden brick. That was a bit humiliating.
HHHmmmm…….. three influences for Armok and two bricks for my Lady’s temple.
*The Godess Elfen: I believe that I shall allow the minion some time at the tavern, and perhaps one of Wishie’s chocolate chip cookies I have been saving for a special occasion.
Pondering the cookies, The Goddess Elfen reconsiders and enjoys the cookies herself with her favorite draft of Harvest Moon BloodyMess.*
Two bricks to go:
Carefully examining construction materials…
Writing her name in wet cement…
Mixing cement with her feet…
Thinking about how much these bricks cost and crying…
Mixing mortar from gold dust…
Exhausted, finishing construction…
Giggling madly…
06:02: Gold coins in my sack suddenly melted into something else. Hey, that’s a golden brick! I can use it for the temple!
06:04: Mysterious forces created a golden brick in my purse. My Lady, was that your doing? Why don’t you build a temple by yourself?
07:14: Carefully placed the last brick, swept all the rooms, opened all doors and in a stately manner cut the ribbon with my sword. I can’t believe it finally happened! After these many months of work, the temple in your name is finished, my Lady! I feel crazy with happiness.
07:15: Wow, there are loads of people praying in my temple! My goddess ought to get something special for this.
It’s a Miracle!
08:17: Went to the main square, took off my armor and showed off my recently appeared stigmata to the stunned townspeople. Residents are gazing at the sky in terror. They will remember you, Omnipotent One!
08:28: A Grease Monkey suddenly appeared! It fell from the sky right onto my weapon, dropped a missing link into my pocket, and thanked me with its last breath. If only all villains were like this guy!
08:28: After a sudden roar from the heavens, a bold artifact wriggled out of the ground. Wow, I didn’t expect to get a nonmetal detector like this.
08:38: My equipment suddenly began to shine, loose parts of the armor hissed and moved back into place. I feel like I’m unstoppable and indestructible.
08:43: The sky crackled and manna suddenly poured from the heavens. Sure it improved my health a lot, but how do I get rid of all this goo?
08:59: An Indomitable Rain Deer suddenly appeared! It fell from the sky right onto my weapon, dropped a portable photon generator into my pocket, and thanked me with its last breath. If only all villains were like this guy!
Quest for the Pet Badge
Nessie at L28
20/01/12 03:09 AM: The Angel of Debt raised its hand for a deadly final strike against me, when Nessie suddenly threw himself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, its neck broken. Nessie quietly heaved his last breath under the weight of the monster’s carcass. Oh, my Lady, why? He was so young…
21/01/2012 12:52 AM: Scraped together 11487 coins and managed to persuade the priests to revive my pet. Oh, Nessie, I’ve missed you so much!
Nessie reaches L30
03/01/2012 06:41: Soaring up into the air in a beam of colorful light, Nessie started to look bigger and stronger. Hmm, there isn’t any reason to fear for my life, is there?
The Passing of the Mighty Nessie
In single a shocking event, all of GodVille was rocked to discover that the all powerful Great Random did not rule the universe. The evil Lord Great Crash proved more powerful. during his brief reign, all pets in need of resurrection died a terrible and painful death.
BlueMane prayed, cried, and shred her dignity before her Goddess, and Elfen whined before any who would listen.
But, it was to no avail. Great Random confessed that Great Crash had won the battle. many of the pets of GodVille were lost forever.
So with heavy heart, Elfen asked her minion to move on. L34 Nessie, the Bi-Polar Bear was laid to rest, but never to be forgotten in their hearts.
Oh why? Oh why did GR let this happen, moaned poor Blumane? GR smiled from his perch, and allowed the pawns to wait for two months before sending a cute little multi-legged luggage, Baloo, to join the quest to free GodVille from the surrounding hoards of monsters.
Fairwell dear, Nessie. Welcome, Baloo.
Nice
WOW!!! 09:11: Felt a burning desire to examine the deus ex machina. Found inside something unbelievable — a scroll with instructions how to get a premature level up!
Crafting
04:27: It appears that if I grind an Enigma machine into thin gruel, smear it over the an exact approximator and temper it in the fire it will transform into an emergency exit
05:22: It appears that if I grind a portable tunnel into thin gruel, smear it over the a pre-paid indulgence card and temper it in the fire it will transform into a praystation.From the Times. 30 May 2013
Bluemane – 87th-level adventurer, member of the “Slaves to Armok” guild, with the motto “Power to the Slaves! StA!”, stands at the 61st position in the pantheon of templehood under the vigilant supervision of the goddess Elfen. Distinctive features: a reckless disregard for danger, and an incredibly high pain threshold caused by repeated exposure to blunt objects.
Bluemane – 89th-level adventurer, member of the “Slaves to Armok” guild, with the motto “Power to the Slaves! StA!”, stands at the 4th position in the pantheon of might under the vigilant supervision of the goddess Elfen. Her worst enemy – an Ideabox Rejector. Favorite trophy – something that looks like a déjà vuvuzela. She is also a huge fan of Lostway’s pubs. Nice.
Bluemane – 97th-level adventurer, member of the “Slaves to Armok” guild, with the motto “Power to the Slaves! StA!”, stands at the 38th position in the pantheon of taming under the vigilant supervision of the goddess Elfen. All she ever wanted was a little love and affection.
04:47: Baloo was staring wide-eyed just above my head, so I looked up to see the words “LEVEL UP” in neon yellow floating above me. Looks like I’m level 98 now! wow!
1April 2014. 08:05: An epic but short burst of music played mysteriously, and the words “Level Up!” appeared above my head in glorious 3D. Seems I’m level 100 now!
A valentines gift for 2014:
Famous Heroes of Godville
Bluemane – 105th-level adventurer, member of the “Slaves to Armok” guild, with the motto “Power to the Slaves! StA!”, stands at the 61st position in the pantheon of templehood under the vigilant supervision of the goddess Elfen. She was known to distribute counterfeit Godville invites during her youth.