My God knew you would be here today, and has left a note for you:
ℑ'𝔪 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔊𝔬𝔡𝔳𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔢 𝔤𝔲𝔦𝔩𝔡 𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔦𝔱𝔬𝔯. ℑ 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔦𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔤𝔲𝔦𝔩𝔡, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔪𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔬𝔫. ℑ 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔴𝔯𝔦𝔱𝔢 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔦𝔱 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔦𝔫 𝔪𝔶 𝔴𝔦𝔨𝔦.
I guess if you’re reading this then you’re a false god. Welcome to my humble chronicles.
Since you are also some kind of deity, I will share with you this piece of apocrypha I received through ancient texts, believed to have been written by my God himself:
Sending you voice commands is like telling my toddler what to do.
"pick up your toys!"
"don't throw your food!"
"don't put things in the toilet!"
"dig!"
"don't go afk in a dungeon!"
——
If instead you wish to know more about me, let tell you a sample of my heroic deeds, which I always do, because I am a hero. Today I will tell you the tale of myself, my bag of smithereens, and a terrible, horrible Satyrant I met one fateful day:
Satyrant prepared for a strike, but Miaowman promptly offered him his bag of smithereens instead and the turn was quickly hushed up.
Satyrant tried to swallow a bag of smithereens, but choked on it and missed his turn.
Miaowman got 5055 gold coins, an ear of the Satyrant and a bag of smithereens.
Had to get my smithereens back! and i got an ear!
how wonderful!
Later, I put them on a fishing line and caught nothing because the fish didn’t want smithereens that day, but that’s not important. If you were a hero like me, you would understand.
——
I share some things with my God too, especially the pain of losing a duel… he is taking several days to recover both power and will. I’m so glad I have him to feel miserable with.
Maybe there is something I can share with you, too.
The other day, I sold a 3* boss part (a heart) the other day for about 2500 gold. Presumably the trader sells them back to the monsters or something?
It seems to me that the demand for 3* boss parts should be quite high. I talked to some of the high level heros (the ones who would even talk to me, that is) and they said they would happily pay up to 20 thousand for fresh, high quality 3* boss parts.
A great potential for profit has clearly been overlooked here.
I wonder if I can give up being a hero and just trade boss parts for a living?
——
Oh, I almost forgot. Here’s a letter from my God to you (he knew you’d be here, in his divine wisdom):
Dear false god, I like you. you're strong and smart and although your destruction is my gain I can't help feeling some kind of connection, an empathy, or maybe it's sympathy, as we've got a lot in common.
So I shall give you a reprieve from your destruction and the annihilation of your so-called champion.
Well that’s nice, isn’t it? He’s a gracious God. That’s why he keeps resurrecting me, even though I persist in doing foolish things heroic deeds.
——
I made a temple for my god: 14:03 My face must be glowing like this golden temple I just now finished for you, my Lord. I have to say, it does look great!
It was pretty hard work but I finished my temple. It took me about 5 months to build that temple. that’s about 6.5 bricks per day.
——
No sooner than I could wander back out of his glorious temple, I heard the following mysterious string of mysterious syllables from a mysterious somewhere:
how much gopherwood would a gopher go for, if a gopher could go for gopherwood?
and then, while i was puzzling away at that, I received a divine clarification… sounded like a command from my pet…
go'fer gopher wood would'ya?
What’s that you say, ninja tortoise? Someone’s stuck in a well? That’s terrible! I’d better be careful around wells. And water in general. Maybe I should buy a boat. But… now I’ve spent so much on this temple I’ll never be able to pay back these loans. Maybe I could build a boat! I’ll start collecting logs now. 1000 logs ought to cover it… no sense thinking small, right?
Maybe I should try to pay back these loans, too. 1000 bricks at 3000 gold pieces each, … 30 million gold pieces!?
——
So, since I’m still bankrupt after the temple, I built an ark:
A log! A thousandth log! I’m even ready for a flood now. Not that I’m asking for it, Luminous One.
Building an ark was hard work. It took me 316 days to complete. My average rate was 3.16 logs per day.
my fastest sustained rates of log collection:
50 logs 11 days (4.54 per day)
100 logs 23 days (4.35 per day)
200 logs 50 days (4.00 per day)
slowest sustained rates:
50 logs 22 days (2.27 per day)
100 logs 36 days (2.78 per day)
200 logs 71 days (2.82 per day)
I’ve got my boat ready but I guess it could do with some more space. I’ve been collecting logs at about 2.5 per day since ark completion, obviously due to the reduced urgency…
When I reached 2000 logs, I thought I’d be on my way to starting a little fleet, but instead my ark got a bit bigger. Looks like it can withstand about 20% more damage, and carry another pet!
——
Now I reduce my stress level due to the gold brick loans by sailing every day.
I’m still committed to paying off my loans though.
Here’s how I save money in “days per half million gold coins”:
0.5m +31 days
1.0m +31 days
1.5m +30 days
2.0m +23 days
2.5m +23 days
3.0m +26 days
3.5m +28 days
4.0m +23 days
4.5m +25 days
5.0m +22 days
5.5m +24 days
6.0m +26 days
6.5m +23 days
7.0m +27 days
7.5m +24 days
8.0m +22 days
8.5m +23 days
my average was 19.7k/day
then, the unthinkable happened. I couldn’t sense my God’s presence for many days.
So I became a renegade! Yeah, a renegade, doin’ renegade stuff, I was such a renegade, hangin’ out with my renegade friends, we were total renegades. No sailing 3 times a day, no dungeons 3 or 4 times a day. No resurrections, nothing. It was the real renegade life.
But then God came back which was totally unexpected. Some of the other renegades had been renegades for years, and here was my god coming back after about a month or two. I was missing out! I felt so …unbetrayed!
So now I’m back on track, sailing, dungeoning, saving money, you know how it is, if I may be so bold as to say.
And now my boat is getting full of these critters. About half male and half female. No idea what to do with them but they’re filling up the place fast, at about 3.68 per day on average:
050 of each +29 days
100 of each +26 days
150 of each +28 days
200 of each +29 days
renegade time!
Almighty, I just re-counted the pairs and I think the ark now has a thousand of them. We’re not going to cram another thousand in there, are we?
——
And last but not least, here are my thanks and gratitude to the drivers of my first 100 dungeons:
1 [we made it! thanks for driving HeleX]
2 [my god drove]
3 [thanks for driving Hairplug4men]
4 [thanks for driving Standup Jumper]
5 [thanks for driving The Sock]
6 [my god drove]
7 [thanks for driving Jpainousm]
8 [thanks for driving Chiisana Koto]
9 [thanks again Chiisana Koto]
10 [my god drove]
11 [thanks Jpainousm]
12 [my god drove]
13 [thanks Djeti]
14 [thanks Mabinogion]
15 [thanks Portico]
16 [thanks again Portico]
17 [no thanks here, they tried to kill me off, but i survived.]
18 [thanks Hershey Almighty]
19 [shared driving]
20 [my god drove (mostly)]
21 [thanks Standup Jumper]
22 [my god drove]
23 [my god drove (mostly)]
24 [thanks Portico]
25 [my god drove]
26 [shared, thanks Dremon]
27 [my god drove (poorly)]
28 [thanks Standup Jumper]
29 [my god drove]
30 [my god drove]
31 [my god drove]
32 [my god drove]
33 [my god drove]
34 [my god drove]
35 [my god drove]
36 [thanks Saturio]
37 [thanks Brihtnoth]
38 [my god took over partway]
39 [thanks Brihtnoth]
40 [my god drove]
41 [my god drove]
42 [thanks Tomobi]
43 [thanks again Tomobi]
44 [my god drove]
45 [thanks for saving me, Tomobi]
46 [thanks The Sock]
47 [thanks Helex]
48 [my god drove]
49 [my god drove]
50 [my god drove]
51 [my god drove]
52 [thanks Portico]
53 [my god drove]
54 [my god drove]
55 [thanks Standup Jumper]
56 [thanks Belteshazzar]
57 [my god drove]
58 [thanks Standup Jumper]
59 [thanks Mefelusia]
60 [thanks DiamondHard]
61 [my god drove]
62 [my god drove]
63 [thanks Fluffysab]
64 [my god drove]
65 [my god drove]
66 [thanks Crisismana]
67 [thanks Standup Jumper]
68 [thanks Portico]
69 [my god drove]
70 [my god drove]
71 [my god drove]
72 [my god drove]
73 [my god drove]
74 [thanks Byaepucm]
75 [my god drove]
76 [thanks Skoda]
77 [thanks Jows Pilla and Jeditega]
78 [thanks Stradivari]
79 [thanks Standup Jumper]
80 [my god drove]
81 [thanks Mabinogion]
82 [thanks Woody Pecker]
83 [thanks God Nischal]
84 [my god drove, partially]
85 [my god drove]
86 [my god drove]
87 [my god drove]
88 [thanks Dremon]
89 [thanks Eternal Curse]
90 [thanks Saturio]
91 [thanks Jows Pilla]
92 [my god drove]
93 [my god drove]
94 [my god drove]
95 [my god drove]
96 [my god drove]
97 [Portico saved me]
98 [my god drove]
99 [my god drove]
100 [Tsarczar saved me]
Thanks for reading my chronicles!
little blue text
(14 November 2020) 09:05 am
Wow, I’m in the newspaper. That’s news!
Miaowman — 101st-level adventurer, member of the “Blue Feather” guild, with the motto “𓀡𓆣𓅳𓁄𓅢𓃰𓃱𓁅𓀩𓃢𓆈𓆉”, stands at the 68th position in the pantheon of survival under the vigilant supervision of the god Hyt4yhu. His dream is to master the “self-propelled feet” skill and then offer lessons in exchange for gold bricks.
𝕮𝖍𝖔𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖊
🄲🄷🄾🄲🄾🄻🄰🅃🄴
ℂ𝕙𝕠𝕔𝕠𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖
Ċ̶̛͙̰͊̈͗̒h̸̢̡͎̮͕͇̰̻̋͑̆̓̆̐͌̿ò̶̱̝̣̀̀̈́̑̿̃̀̽ͅc̴̥̺̥̳̜̱͇͕͐̈́̆̓͆͝͝ǫ̸̹̺̲̩̺͕̩͔͓̟̘͗̍̇̈̋̀͆̓̓̀͑͠͠l̶̤̤̘͖̞̻̲̗̔̓̋͒̇͑̍͑̕͜ȧ̶̜͔̜͌̑́͆͐̑̿̍͘̕͝͝ţ̸̢̢̣̖̮̹̰̤̪̳̳͉͈̪̒̇̉͆͐̔̂̍̍͛͌̕͘e̶̛̲͎͙͈̠͉̣̜͋̌̈̾
…dig!
Right Miaow!