When the Cable Breaks
A chronicle of the days when a feral backhoe cut off the Godville server.
—
Through the showers of fish and frogs…
—
Finished off the Dork Knight. My Lady, why am I doing all the smiting here? You seem to be able to zap me well enough when you feel like it. Terrific aim, by the way.
—
Another vicious Were-Rabbit! Feels like I’ve got at least ten percent of my health! Why not? CHARGE!
—
A flock of mad warblers descended and chased me away from the enemy. My Lady, stop helping me.
—
Hiding in a muddy ditch. In the rain. Freezing and miserable. What was I thinking when I started this stupid quest?
—
Threw a gold brick into the river. That’ll show Mighty One.
—
A venomous Philosoraptor! My Lady—Oh, right, I’m not speaking to you. Send me another rainbow if you can be arsed.
—
The Philosoraptor spotted me. Mighty One, I hope you’ll realize how much you miss me after I’m dead.
—
Getting my throat ripped out is something I never really get used to.
—
Dead. Typical. Well, Mighty One, have fun reading my diary until you decide to bring me back as a zombie slave. Again.
—
Getting thirsty. Man, this greyness is boring. I miss the cockroach races.
—
My Lady? Look, I’m sorry I was harsh earlier, but it’s just so tedious. I do all the work and all the dying, and you sit back and wait for the next golden brick. I can’t even have a few pints to unwind without you shouting at me. And I know perfectly well that you’re laughing at my armor. All the heroes are wearing snorkel masks and bunny suits this season! You just don’t get it!
—
I really want a beer. Mighty One, I don’t think I ever told you what a brilliant invention that was. I promise I’ll appreciate it properly next life. There will be a next life… right?
—
Mighty One? You can hear me, can’t you?
—
My diary hasn’t been touched. No feathery crumbs in the pages, no print-less finger marks, no glimmering beer stains. My Lady, it’s really okay… You’re omniscient anyway. Here, I’ll just leave it out for you.
—
Nothing. Greyness starting to creep in.
—
Losing interest in consciousness.
—
Floating in a grey haze. Slipped into a half-waking dream…
I was suspended on a gleaming gold-and-diamond cord within a glowing cloud. Ethereal entities hummed around me in a clicking, pinging, tapping, twittering aura of unfathomable life and energy. I had odd, fleeting impressions of nude ladies and cats.
There was a violent crashing shock. The cord snapped, and I was falling away from life, the Universe, everything…
Woke to the endless dull void.
—
Man, that last entry was pretty good for me. I guess dying improves my writing. Weird dream… Did you send it? I have a kind of uneasy feeling that you didn’t.
—
I’m starting to think you really can’t hear me this time… I don’t know what to do with myself.
—
Collecting gold bricks to build you a nice place… Yeah, could be worse. I could be back at that tavern kitchen, frying up orders of popplers till midnight. Look, I’m really sorry I didn’t appreciate the new life.
—
Mighty One, I’m so sorry I ever complained about the rainbows. I’d give up beer to see you paint the sky one more time.
—
Nothing to say.
—
My Lady… Okay, I love you. Sorry I never wrote that down.
—
(illegible blurred entry)
—
(blank)
—
—
I was shocked back to consciousness with a hard tap on my head. Glowing sparks filled the void and lifted me gently, as the tapping and swishing and clicking rose to a furious rush… And then I was sprawled in a muddy ditch, soaked, robbed, and covered in ectoplasm. Mighty One! My Lady! Oh, it’s great to be alive!
—
Took a bath in a stream. Water rules!
—
Heading back to town. Singing. What a beautiful day! My Lady, was that impressive flock of warblers your idea?
—
Reading over the last few entries. God-dang, I really get emotional in limbo.
—
The Undying Meme was vanquished. I frisked it and found a beer troubleshooting guide and 420 gold coins.
—
All this walking is making me thirsty. No worries… I’m sure the Guild will lend me a few for a beer…
—