puppy jack
07-31-23 03:06 PM A brief fanfare played as fireworks burst from my stall. Whoa, I’m trader level 11 now!
07-29-23 04:32 AM A brief fanfare played as fireworks burst from my stall. Whoa, I’m trader level 10 now!
07-26-23 11:14 AM A brief fanfare played as fireworks burst from my stall. Whoa, I’m trader level 9 now!
07-23-2023 01:56 AM Titanious was visiting when a courier arrived with my shiny new Level 8 trader license. For once, we were mesmerized by something other than the shop counter.
07-15-2023 03:43 AM A delivery girl just dropped off a fruit basket with a card reading, “Happy Level 5! — Godville Society of Traders.”
07-09-2023 Can’t close your bag because of a bioenergy amplifier? “Thousand Things” and EllenMarie personally offers aid to all overloaded heroes.Found today: 33 pcs.
07-08-2023 02:04 AM Oh my goddess, can’t believe that I saved all this money! Finally I can have my very own shop! and leveled up to 129! 🥳🎉
03-24-2023 10:13 AM Channeled my ineptitude from within and missed the Significant Otter horribly.
06:51 AM 11/16/3022 Wrote down the thousandth word into the holy book, took a deep breath and snapped my numb fingers. Hallelujah, my Lady, the great work is done!
08:22 PM 10/20/2021 Put the lucky paw of the Adminotaur (lvl 3) in the lab’s storage.
09-26-2021 11:12 AM Notes from the dungeon: The adventurers loot the secret treasury. EllenMarie takes 20124 gold coins, a log for the ark, a liquid crystal ball, a wit sharpener, a broken news repair kit, a portable drawbridge, a whine decanter, an urn of phoenix ashes, a free fall accelerator, a token of friendship, a creature comforter, some crème fatale, a time amplification device, a golden cinder block, a zen energy pouch, a gravity-defying apple, a heavy-metal detector and a creature conforter.
08-29-2021
12:03 AM Today is my birthday, Gentle One! I’m ready to accept congratulations 🥳
03:34 AM Looks like the saying, “You can’t teach an old heroine new tricks” isn’t true. I just gained a level! Level 119🎉
12-30-2020 08:36 PM After vanquishing the Satan Claus, I noticed a pair of tear-brimmed eyes peering out from under the bushes. Wracked by guilt, I took the baby-monster’s shaking hand and adopted it as my pet.
10/13/2019 created my first monster. Then this: 09:52 PM First I slept and saw things. Then I woke up and wrote down three glyphs into the book.
12:16 PM 04/29/2019 Wow, I am level 103 now. I think that’s a bigger number than the level I was before.
Added 5996 gold coins to my nest egg. I wonder when it will hatch?
The bank refused to put Olwyn in my safety deposit box, so I deposited 6352 gold coins instead.
Put 2226 coins into savings. There is something strangely satisfying about seeing my gold reserve increase.
Invested 6915 gold coins in my future, assuming I survive long enough to have one.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t spend all my gold at the tavern. Guess these 3868 coins will just have to go to the bank.
Planning for the future, I dropped off 3311 coins at the bank and averted tomorrow’s hangover.
Planning for the future, I dropped off 1559 coins at the bank and averted tomorrow’s hangover.
I forgot to pay my bill at The Glass Cannon. Guess I’d better put 4530 gold coins aside for a rainy day.
Deposited 5679 gold coins in my bank account for the next time sobriety looms.
Got thrown out of a bar for bad behavior. I guess they’re not going to get my money then. I’ll just save 4489 gold coins for my retirement instead.
A fortune teller showed me a magic trick with a pen and my signature mysteriously appeared on a deposit slip for 4485 gold coins.
Hoping to do some traveling other than questing someday. Here’s 2699 coins to stash away.
I feel all grown depositing these 3653 coins into my savings account. Take that, guidance counselor!
A fortune teller showed me a magic trick with a pen and my signature mysteriously appeared on a deposit slip for 1637 gold coins.
Woke to find that the 5463 coins I’d stashed beneath my pillow had been deposited in the bank. Savings fairy?
Ok, Gentle One, that’s enough drinking for today. I’d better put aside 928 gold coins for the future and spend the rest on praying.
Decided that my mattress was getting rather hard and uncomfortable, so I took 2673 gold coins out of it and stored them in the bank.
Decided that my mattress was getting rather hard and uncomfortable, so I took 2870 gold coins out of it and stored them in the bank.
Invested 940 gold coins in my future, assuming I survive long enough to have one.
Hoping to do some traveling other than questing someday. Here’s 1068 gold coins to stash away.
Put 4922 gold coins away for a rainy day instead of buying an umbrella. I’m soaking wet but marginally wealthier.
Stopped by the Progress Bar. Gave 1566 gold coins to the bartender and waited for my drink. But instead of beer, I received a note that I progressed in my Savings Pantheon ranking. Don’t know whether to feel happy or betrayed.
Decided that my mattress was getting rather hard and uncomfortable, so I took 2815 gold coins out of it and stored them in the bank.
Added 2046 coins to my life savings. I hope I live long enough to spend it.
04/18/2019 6:13 PM Olwyn was suddenly surrounded by a sparkling glow and began skipping around and humming happily. Hey, I think he just leveled up! (level 25)
Put 5687 gold coins away for a rainy day instead of buying an umbrella. I’m soaking wet but marginally wealthier.
I’m as drunk as I can possibly be, Omnipotent One. I shall invest these 3685 coins for the future instead of spending them on beer, so that I can be this drunk all the time when I retire.
Was about to commission a local artist to create a marble statue of me for my guild hall. I’m glad I decided against it and put those 2758 coins into savings… Word is that he’s just another chiseler.
Saw a white hair. Decided to deposit 411 coins in my retirement fund.
Got thrown out of a tavern for bad behavior. I guess they’re not going to get my money then. I’ll just save 2221 coins for my retirement instead.
Stopped by the Progress Bar. Gave 1452 gold coins to the bartender and waited for my drink. But instead of beer, I received a note that I progressed in my Savings Pantheon ranking. Don’t know whether to feel happy or betrayed.
Deposited 4602 coins in my bank account; it’s the last place the Almighty will ever look for it.
The bartender at The Rusty Goblin acted really shady when I walked in. He asked me to “pick my poison”. I think I’m just going to put these 1038 gold coins aside for future medical expenses.
Deposited 3860 coins in my ultimate drinking… I mean my retirement fund.
Won several rounds of darts against Shadianna at the pub, so she had to pay for the drinks. I guess I’ll put these 1737 coins away for a rainy day.
Another day, another deposit… and 5615 gold coins closer to world domination.
Looked longingly at the lights of downtown, spat, turned around and marched towards the bank to deposit 4842 gold coins for my retirement.
The bank refused to put Olwyn in my safety deposit box, so I deposited 4345 coins instead.
The Ghost of Savings Future appeared before me and instructed me to put these 1627 gold coins into my future drinking fund.
Let’s get into the top 5 in the savings pantheon EllenMarie!
Added 5536 coins to my life savings. I hope I live long enough to spend it.
Saved both my liver and 20337 gold coins by taking them to the bank instead of the tavern.
Added 11942 gold coins to my life savings. I hope I live long enough to spend it.
Win the guild savings race EllenMarie!
Stashed 9107 coins under my pillow. Hopefully the gold fairy will leave me new teeth.
A pig with a slot in its back tackled me on the way to the bar and took 1568 gold coins from me. Somehow my retirement fund got bigger…
I went to buy a beer at the local tavern, but the bartender gave it to me on the house for my continued loyalty. I think I’m going to put these extra 4122 gold coins in my savings as soon as I get off this roof.
If money is the root of all evil, my bank account just got 7967 gold coins closer to world domination.
Stashed 1195 gold coins under my pillow. Hopefully the gold fairy will leave me new teeth.
Another day, another deposit… and 5282 gold coins closer to world domination.
04/08/2019 05:11 AM Olwyn was suddenly surrounded by a sparkling glow and began skipping around and humming happily. Hey, I think he just leveled up! (level 24)
Added 3967 gold coins to my nest egg. I wonder when it will hatch…
Saved 3957 coins for a tavern of my own one day.
Deposited 2686 gold coins in the bank as a pre-emptive apology for my future sins.
I forgot to pay my bill at Dunquestin. Guess I’d better put 3372 gold coins aside for a rainy day.
Put 4124 coins away for my old age, assuming I live that long.
Deposited 4135 gold coins in my ultimate drinking… I mean my retirement fund.
The bartender saw my face outside the window and quickly switched the sign on the pub door to “Closed”. I guess I’ll just put 3136 coins in my savings instead.
A box in a crate, a case in a box… Got a plank for the ark in the end. Did you like this unboxing, Great One? LOVED IT!
Hoping to do some traveling other than questing someday. Here’s 2747 gold coins to stash away.
A pig with a slot in its back tackled me on the way to the bar and took 5147 coins from me. Somehow my retirement fund got bigger…
Completely forgot why I walked into the bank. Reluctantly deposited 5946 gold coins out of embarrassment.
Hoping to do some traveling other than questing someday. Here’s 4673 coins to stash away.
Found 3695 gold coins in the swear jar inside the temple. I knew it was a good idea to design it with all those camouflaged shin-high pews.
The bank refused to put Olwyn in my safety deposit box, so I deposited 3059 coins instead.
Put 1969 coins away for a rainy day instead of buying an umbrella. I’m soaking wet but marginally wealthier.
The Sword & Sandal was closed today. It must have been a sign from above! I’d better add 1294 coins to my savings.
Deposited 1389 coins in my bank account; it’s the last place my Goddess will ever look for it.
Couldn’t find an open tavern, so I put my 2520 gold coins into my retirement fund as the less satisfying alternative.
Put 9740 coins away for my old age, assuming I live that long.
Decided that my mattress was getting rather hard and uncomfortable, so I took 11748 gold coins out of it and stored them in the bank.
Woke to find that the 4552 coins I’d stashed beneath my pillow had been deposited in the bank. Savings fairy?
I went to buy a beer at the local tavern, but the bartender gave it to me on the house for my continued loyalty. I think I’m going to put these extra 1145 gold coins in my savings as soon as I get off this roof.
No more frivolous spending! I’d better stash 3010 gold coins for the future.
Invested 5286 gold coins in my future, assuming I survive long enough to have one.
Stashed 1411 gold coins in a mattress. Deposited the mattress at the bank.
The bank refused to put Olwyn in my safety deposit box, so I deposited 3142 gold coins instead.
Woke to find that the 9387 gold coins I’d stashed beneath my pillow had been deposited in the bank. Savings fairy?
Completely forgot why I walked into the bank. Reluctantly deposited 3693 gold coins out of embarrassment.
Invested 1591 gold coins in my future, assuming I survive long enough to have one.
Completely forgot why I walked into the bank. Reluctantly deposited 7770 gold coins out of embarrassment.
A pig with a slot in its back tackled me on the way to the bar and took 5426 coins from me. Somehow my retirement fund got bigger…
Looked longingly at the lights of downtown, spat, turned around and marched towards the bank to deposit 5886 coins for my retirement.
Ok, Most Righteous One, that’s enough drinking for today. I’d better put aside 2971 gold coins for the future and spend the rest on praying.
Invested 5892 coins in my future, assuming I survive long enough to have one.
Put 2409 gold coins into savings. There is something strangely satisfying about seeing my gold reserve increase.
It seems the statute of limitations on my bar tab has run out. The years of being too drunk to settle my debts have paid off! Contributed the 3399 coins I’d put aside for paying it toward my savings instead.
04:21 03/13/2019 PM Olwyn just made another notch on his collar. Looks like he got his next level. (level 22)
Hoping to do some traveling other than questing someday. Here’s 8672 coins to stash away.
06:17 PM 03/11/2019 Suddenly noticed that my experience bar was empty. Panicked for a moment, before I realized that I’m now level 102!
04:04 AM 03/11/19 Another day, another deposit… and 32789 coins closer to world domination.
When did I get drunk enough to put 11722 coins in the bank? The tavernkeep won’t be too happy about this.
The bartender saw my face outside the window and quickly switched the sign on the pub door to “Closed”. I guess I’ll just put 11228 coins in my savings instead.
The bartender at All Inn acted really shady when I walked in. He asked me to “pick my poison”. I think I’m just going to put these 12122 gold coins aside for future medical expenses.
Put 4521 gold coins away for a rainy day instead of buying an umbrella. I’m soaking wet but marginally wealthier.
10:09 AM 03/02/2019 Olwyn glowed and his eyes sparkled. It seems that my brute just achieved a new level. (level 21)
Deposited 6696 coins in the bank as a pre-emptive apology for my future sins.
Left 4089 gold coins at the bank, just in case I survive all this questing long enough to retire.
Completely forgot why I walked into the bank. Reluctantly deposited 4414 coins out of embarrassment.
Stashed 5036 gold coins under my pillow. Hopefully the gold fairy will leave me new teeth.
Put 5230 gold coins away for a rainy day instead of buying an umbrella. I’m soaking wet but marginally wealthier.
Deposited 2237 gold coins in the bank as a pre-emptive apology for my future sins.
It seems the statute of limitations on my bar tab has run out. The years of being too drunk to settle my debts have paid off! Contributed the 2878 coins I’d put aside for paying it toward my savings instead.
Another day, another deposit… and 6657 gold coins closer to world domination.
Ok, Gentle One, that’s enough drinking for today. I’d better put aside 7587 gold coins for the future and spend the rest on praying.
Deposited 2591 coins in the bank as a pre-emptive apology for my future sins.
Deposited 2708 coins in my bank account; it’s the last place the Almighty will ever look for it.
The Ghost of Savings Future appeared before me and instructed me to put these 3260 gold coins into my future drinking fund.
02/16/2029 03:46 AM As thunder rumbled and lightning split the sky, Olwyn began to shine with a glorious and terrifying light. Mighty One, why can’t leveling up be this impressive for me? (level 19)
Ok, my Goddess, that’s enough drinking for today. I’d better put aside 3836 gold coins for the future and spend the rest on praying.
Instead of buying beer and potions, I think I’ll put 4924 coins into my savings for important things, like buying beer and potions later.
Another day, another deposit… and 3597 coins closer to world domination.
Another day, another deposit… and 4480 coins closer to world domination.
A fortune teller showed me a magic trick with a pen and my signature mysteriously appeared on a deposit slip for 1330 gold coins.
Tried going against the grain. Somehow made a crop circle.
Between this month’s guild dues, bribes, the beer budget and other necessities… Well, stashing these 4297 gold coins will come in handy.
01/24/2019 11:01 AM I spent 6821 gold coins to heal my pet. He wasn’t knocked out for too long, so he might even get his next level faster. Grow big and strong, my Olwyn! 💜
01/23/2019 02:29 AM Olwyn just shed his skin! Wait, does a gummy wyrm do that? Anyway, he looks bigger, meaner and cleaner now. (level 17)
Instead of buying beer and potions, I think I’ll put 2858 coins into my savings for important things, like buying beer and potions later.
Put 12945 coins into savings. There is something strangely satisfying about seeing my gold reserve increase.
01/15/2019 02:15 PM Olwyn scratched another notch on my face. He needs to learn a less painful way of expressing a level up. (level 16)
10:28 AM Stopped by the Progress Bar. Gave 3862 gold coins to the bartender and waited for my drink. But instead of beer, I received a note that I progressed in my Savings Pantheon ranking. Don’t know whether to feel happy or betrayed.
Stashed 9200 coins in a mattress. Deposited the mattress at the bank.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t spend all my gold at the tavern. Guess these 1950 coins will just have to go to the bank.
The Sword & Sandal had a 90 minute wait to sit down! Forget that, I’ll just save my 3705 coins.
Caravanserai was closed today. It must have been a sign from above! I’d better add 2445 coins to my savings.
Instead of spending my gold at The Rusty Goblin, I saved it at the bank — until the day I can buy that tavern outright.
Put 4526 gold coins away for my old age, assuming I live that long.
01/08/2019 07:54 PM Olwyn just made another notch on his collar. Looks like he got his next level. (level 15)
Won several rounds of darts against Professional Sinner at the pub, so he had to pay for the drinks. I guess I’ll put these 6903 gold coins away for a rainy day.
Stashed 4653 coins under my pillow. Hopefully the gold fairy will leave me new teeth.
Deposited 1568 gold coins in my ultimate drinking… I mean my retirement fund.
i forgot to pay my bill at Shepherd’s Stuff. Guess I’d better put 11932 coins aside for a rainy day.
Instead of buying beer and potions, I think I’ll put 5397 coins into my savings for important things, like buying beer and potions later.
Stashed 4072 coins in a mattress. Deposited the mattress at the bank.
Prior to 1/5/2019
I started life with a basket of lemons, I’ve been trying to make lemonade ever since. Perhaps I should switch to limes?Get out your party hats and horns, EllenMarie is in town!
Nothing like the love of a perilous Rocky Raccoon named Bess!
Desperatingly trying to get a clue.
Note to self, don’t spit into the wind, especially a hurricane force wind.
Billboards all over Deville proclaimed the local beer bottle recycling drive a success, thanks to help from the members of “Knights who say Ni.” And I have never been prouder of my contribution to anything.
Dropped by my guild’s estate and was rewarded with an out-of-time machine.
The pantheon paperwork is so confusing, it has to be intentional. There must be some conspiracy at work here.
Finally! My quest to audit all the pantheons of Godville is done. After hearing about how epic I was, I humbly accepted a pile of wooden ark planks and a gift-wrapped, triple-sized chunk of experience. 4 more plank to launch!
A group of crazy scientists have given me yet another quest to undertake: find the “you are here” sign in Godville.
A wise man said that I must learn to walk before I can run. Based on personal experience with monsters, that would be a grave mistake.
Joined a crusade against stupidity, but was immediately accused of being a double-agent.
Uh oh, the Lightsaber-Toothed Tiger finally found out that I was using its bar tab in Bumchester! This ends now, one way or another.
I felt the divine energy in me and with a deft gesture turned a bun into a thousand loaves of bread. The well-fed citizens of Herowin prostrated themselves praising the Great One.
Had some cake and ate it too.
Golden motes whirled around the trader’s pictures of known shoplifters, and I realized I could tell him where some of them were. He paid me 318 coins for the tips before getting out his weapon and temporarily closing up shop.
I am… REBORN!
I guess with this newfound talent I can get a job in journalism now.
Looks like I’ve finally managed to write a summary of the dictionary. Received a confidence-building sense of accomplishment as a reward.
02:42 AM A log! A thousandth log! I’m even ready for a flood now. Not that I’m asking for it, Great One.
Stuck my head in the black hole to see what I could do about it. Somehow, the ultra-density of the hole and the impossible emptiness of my head conflicted. There’s no hole anymore.
Somehow I’ve managed to fill in a black hole. Found a chest full of money. Gonna drink heavily.
I’m cold, tired, and wounded! Unless you want me to organize a union, I suggest you grant me better working conditions, my Goddess!
I was trying to convince a town-dweller of the benefits of joining “Knights who say Ni”, when suddenly I split into a hundred clones of myself, who each continued to try to convert the locals before fighting to the death, leaving only me. The lucky residents of Godville shall fondly remember the day they were overrun with a plague as beautiful as this!
Here I am, standing at the entrance of this deep cave. Who is that idiot inside repeating all the things I shout?
I was preaching about my guild in the main square, when there was a sudden flash in the sky and gold coins started raining down. People will remember “Knights who say Ni” for a long time here!
Last night I was chased through town by a large group of fans carrying torches and pitchforks! My popularity around here is obviously growing out of control.
A priest suddenly realized that the sacred inscription on the ancient monolith in the town square was actually an anagram of “Knights who say Ni”! I made sure to spread the amazing news in all the local taverns.
Went to the main square, took off my armor and showed off my recently appeared stigmata to the stunned townspeople. The residents were gazing at the sky in terror. They will remember you, Great One!
There are marching bands, floats and large balloons along the streets of Deville. Better get my guild uniform and go march with my guild comrades: it’s a parade of “Knights who say Ni”!
My Lady, I checked the donations box in your temple and found a mysterious blue brick. As I tried to decide what to sell it for, it suddenly disappeared, leaving me totally confused.
Mysterious forces have left another log of gopher wood for the ark at your temple. Whatever floats your boat, Luminous One.
The sun shone brightly down from the sky and blinded me. The intensity swept me out of my body. Looking around, I found myself standing in an endless field of grass. A benevolent spirit appeared and winked at me. When I returned to my body, I felt renewed.
What kind of heroine would ask rhetorical questions while running away from an angry Permenator?
I do wish that, when Spot is marking his territory, he wouldn’t consider my leg as fair game.
Felt life flowing back into me like milk into a glass. Now I have a c hiraving for chocolate chip cookies.
6-13-2016 Wow, I am level 82 now!
Passed by a smoldering town. I swear Luminous One, I had nothing to do with that. Not this time at least…
Saw a play where a goddess descended from the heavens to save her heroine, but fell off the strings and crushed her instead. On second thoughts, Great One, I’d like to be saved from a distance.
I was strolling the streets of Godville trying to avoid my creditors, when a blinding light hit me square between the eyes and I felt compelled to try to cash a reality check. Whatever gets me out of town… I mean, whatever brings you glory, Most Righteous One.
Based on current evidence, I remain cautiously optimistic that I am immortal.
The mayor of Los Demonos suddenly started choking during a public ceremony. I leapt from the crowd, yelled out ‘Not on ’Knights who say Ni’s watch!’ and performed the Heimlich maneuver until the mayor coughed up a leprechaun and started to breathe again. They’ll remember our guild around here, that’s for sure.
I was trying to convince a town-dweller of the benefits of joining “Knights who say Ni”, when suddenly I split into a hundred clones of myself, who each continued to try to convert the locals before fighting to the death, leaving only me. The lucky residents of Last Resort shall fondly remember the day they were overrun with a plague as beautiful as this!
I was going to follow my dreams, but they took out a restraining order. I suppose I’ll have to finish unfinished business instead.
Please don’t take this the wrong way my Goddess, but sometimes I think my life is just a game to you.
Was mistaken for a doctor from the “GWJ” guild. Managed to send all the high-ranking members who’d cut in front to the back of the line before I was discovered.
Hid under a huge cloud, so the Great One won’t see me using the ACME monster trap as bait.
Well-known archaeologists found out that beer was actually invented by ‘Knights who say Ni’ members! This piece of news spread across the town, filling the people with awe and gratitude for my guild.
Now all I need to do is re-patent this thing.
Completed my quest to reinvent the wheel, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. No, wait. That was for Spot. I didn’t get anything!
Passed the point of no returns, refunds or exchanges.
Well-known archaeologists found out that beer was actually invented by ‘Knights who say Ni’ members! This piece of news spread across the town, filling the people with awe and gratitude for my guild.
Cherubs descended from the sky and endowed everybody with happiness, leaving nobody unattended. Mighty One, are you in the mood?
Stealthily followed Little Beet Farmer to see if he knew a secret shortcut, but he just seemed to walk in circles. Eventually I caught up to him and asked what he’d been doing, and he sheepishly admitted he’d been following me, looking for a secret shortcut…
Was about to order my first drink when a picture of a quaint little cottage by the lake caught my eye. Seems like the right place to settle down one day, so I left and invested 1864 coins towards that dream instead.
06:30 PM 7-21-16 By the power of Godville, I have the power! Level 83 is mine, Great One.
Progress Bar recently hired a new barman. Got thrown out after being the fiftieth heroine to hit on him. Guess I’ll have to put this tip of 16749 gold coins into my savings instead.
10:09 AM 9-7-2016 Suddenly noticed that my experience bar was empty. Panicked for a moment, before I realized that I’m now level 84!
The Battlesheep watched in amazement as the wounds it had inflicted on me suddenly vanished. Surely now it believes in you, my Goddess!
I saw another heroine showereud with rose petals and glitter as she was lifted into the air by a flock of bluebirds. Please don’t ever embarrass me like that, Great One. Pinky promise?
They all laughed when I told them I could train moles to bring gopher wood to the temple, but look who’s laughing now…
Saw my old friend Eticlees2 snoozing by the side of the road. I quickly drew a silly mustache on his face and ran off giggling, but then felt bad, returned, and left 113 coins in his pocket to compensate for my poor drawing skills.
Stole this from a guildmate: Went cow tipping. Tipped them 133 coins for their excellent service and high quality dairy products.
Saw Billy Joe Jim Bob approaching, and we tried to high-five each other as we walked past. Half an hour later we both came back to our senses with palm prints on our faces.
Eat your heart out, Fred Astaire!My quest to complete the previous quest backwards and in high heels has been completed! Received a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!
The astrologists of Godville announced the discovery of a brand new constellation in the shape of my guild’s emblem! The townsfolk are enthralled. This is the dawning of the age of “Knights who say Ni”!I tried to sell some seashells by the seashore, but seriously who sells seashells by the seashore? Poor location planning.
They said only an idiot would try to sell seashells by the seashore. I guess they were right: after all the travels and blood, I only got an out-of-tunic and 617 gold coins.
Tonight I’m putting twenty coins under my pillow in hopes that the tooth fairy will leave me some teeth to replace the ones that got knocked out.
Finally done! It would be easier if the stars didn’t disappear during the day and if sand wasn’t so hard to see at night.
Finally! My quest to compare the number of stars to sand grains is done. After hearing about how epic I was, I humbly accepted six logs for the ark and a gift-wrapped, triple-sized chunk of experience.
Decided to take a break from questing to do my own thing. Finally, a chance to save up enough to pay attention.
I was looking for my subplot thickener in my inventory when suddenly, I realized that I’ve got to plant the seeds of discontent real quick. Let’s go!
A sudden downpour forced me to take shelter in a nearby cave. While I was looking around, I noticed something on the wall. Upon closer inspection I saw a message that promised a great reward for anyone who would swim in mainstream society. Looks like a job for EllenMarie!
Timon has apparently decided that my boots are now his and has marked them accordingly.
“The Diary of EllenMarie” sounds lame. Maybe I should call it “The Epic Chronicles of EllenMarie?”The sign at the entrance of the Terror Bull’s lair says ‘All heroes are welcome, dead or not yet’. What nice hospitality. Oh, and look: it even came out to greet me!
As I was walking by a wedding, the bride threw her bouquet and I adroitly caught it in mid-air. An accompanying note read, “burn mysterious messages onto people’s toast.”
Looked longingly at the lights of downtown, spat, turned around and marched towards the bank to deposit 21872 coins for my retirement.
Desperately thirsty, I drank some brandy from the tiny barrel around Timon’s neck. How have I never noticed that before?
Planted some pineapples on graves. Hope that will work!
Finished my quest to annoy the graveyard keeper until he blows his top off. Timon was rewarded with some experience and a board for his terror bull house. Hey, wait a minute!
I awoke to see that Timon had clawed several marks on the ground. Upon further examination, these marks spelled out, “save up enough to pay attention.” I guess Timon really wants me to do this for him.
Stumbled over something hard. “Something hard” turned out to be a chest of gold. Found 266 coins.
2/21/18 01:09 AM Timon’s hospital bill: 11932 coins. Having my favorite terror bull back in one piece: priceless.
Finally found some fool who was able to save me from all these tribbles. I even managed to get 8414 coins for them!
Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly… but enough about me. How are you, my Goddess?
Truer words have not been writ.
Don’t play stupid with me, Desperate House Elf. I’m better at it.
Animalist – level 30 for Timon, who will be renamed with a more appropriate name. 03/02/2018 07:33 AM Timon just shed his skin! Wait, does a terror bull do that? Anyway, he looks bigger, meaner and cleaner now.
03/03/2018 05:41 PM Reached level 94. Now I am officially allowed to do the things I’ve been doing all along. Heck yeah!
Found a little girl drenched in tears because her favorite waterproof sponge just got stolen. Couldn’t bear the sight, so I gave her mine.
03/11/2018 10:45 AM I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Landshark, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Toto. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
My Goddess, I’ve been having second thoughts about being a heroine. I usually only have first thoughts… does that mean I’ve become twice as clever?
I laughed in the face of Danger, but stopped out of pity when it started to cry. Gave it a pat on the back to cheer it up again.
Trïëd tö mäke my dïäry löök mörë ïnternätïönäl by äddïng ïn ëxträ döts.
Fell over and feigned death to tri hick the Sabertooth Squirrel. It would have worked too if I hadn’t insisted on writing about it in my diary. Great One, please revive me now.
I was strolling the streets of Godville trying to avoid my creditors, when a blinding light hit me square between the eyes and I felt compelled to chlorinate the fountain of youth. Whatever gets me out of town… I mean, whatever brings you glory, Luminous One.
A tree suddenly uprooted itself and walked over to the Photocopycat, causing the lightning bolts aimed at the tree to hit the Photocopycat instead. Good targeting adjustment, Almighty!
Left 14385 gold coins at the bank, just in case I survive all this questing long enough to retire.
I once heard about a hero who had to be killed because he knew too much. Since then, I’ve done everything I can to ensure that it will never happen to me. (You’ve succeeded beyond anyone’s wildest dreams heroine.)
A colony of ants made off with my fuzzy dice. It’s amazing how much they can lift.
Stumbled over something hard. “Something hard” turned out to be a chest of gold. Found 241 gold coins.
The pharmacist who said this medicine tastes like fruit has obviously never eaten fruit in her life. Yuck.
A giant pair of dice came tumbling down and struck the Zy Goat. Would you quit gambling with my life, Great One?
Suddenly found out that duct tape doesn’t fix stupidity.
My quest to find something that duct tape won’t fix was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.
I snatched a bag containing 448 coins from the display and instantly replaced it with my eye of the storm. Luckily, it was of equal weight, so I didn’t trigger the pressure-sensitive sensors on the base unit.
Saw my old friend Ch1ch1 snoozing by the side of the road. I quickly drew a silly mustache on his face and ran off giggling, but then felt bad, returned, and left 67 gold coins in his pocket to compensate for my poor drawing skills.
A dead horse rose from the ground and started beating the Aporkalyptic Pig with a stick. I don’t think that’s how the saying goes, Almighty…
Spent 18361 gold coins on a book called “Using Skills for Dummies”. Read the whole thing cover to cover and leveled up my “awkward silence” skill. These books really do help.
A wise man told me to listen to the voice of reason. Unfortunately, I don’t understand the language.
Note to self: only borrow gold from pessimists. They don’t expect it back.
I was suddenly overcome with a lust for battle so overwhelming that I lost my bearings in a wild frenzy. When I came to my senses, I was at the arena with rubble on my clothes and a smoking trail in my wake. Neat!
Stopped by the ‘Progress Bar’. Gave 3925 coins to the bartender and waited for my drink. But instead of beer, I received a note that I progressed in my Savings Pantheon ranking. Don’t know whether to feel happy or betrayed.
A ray of light improved my looks instead of my health. Thanks, Great One… I think.
A wandering stranger told me that everyone has the right to be stupid. I have a feeling that the Great One thinks I abuse the privilege.
I wasn’t sure if I’d ever find it, but I did! I got all twisted around like a pretzel trying to follow the lights. Weird things were going on, and I could hear strange noises. It was the gateway. A stranger with a tall hat called it a ‘circus’, but I know better!
Though I was hoping that succeeding in my quest to find a gateway to a perpendicular universe would win the respect and admiration of my peers, this golden brick will have to suffice.
Planning for the future, I dropped off 3774 coins at the bank and averted tomorrow’s hangover.
Saw a sign that said “Pavlov”. Hmm, that name rings a bell.
05/01/2018. 04:26 PM Wow, I am level 95 now! Luckily, intelligence isn’t a requirement for level-ups.
Toto doesn’t suspect a thing. Kind of makes me wish I was plotting something.
Toto puffed out his gorgeous chest and jumped around, confusing the monster. Just like I do!
My weapon suddenly flew out of my hand and stabbed the Centaur of Attention in the eye. Was that you, Almighty, or am I developing telekinetic powers?
Left 8471 gold coins at the bank, just in case I survive all this questing long enough to retire.
A talking paperclip popped out of nowhere and proclaimed, “It looks like you’re fighting a Heffalump!” I grabbed it and repeatedly smashed the vicious beast over the head with it. ( Hit it again )
Suddenly a strange disembodied voice said: “Tune in next week to see how this heroine manages to count all the coins in a wishing well!” I better do what it says before it starts to haunt me.
Here I lie in the throes of dying agony and the Great One elects to send a potted aloe plant to sit on my chest. Why do I worship you, my Lady?
Offended a hag in the tavern with my disbelief in witchcraft. Got cursed to save 2699 gold coins instead of spending it on drinks.
Instead of buying beer and potions, I think I’ll put 8616 gold coins into my savings for important things, like buying beer and potions later.
Buried the Aardvark of the Covenant under a load of paperwork and made a timely escape.
The best thing about being me is that any form of reincarnation will be an upgrade. Thanks, Great One!
05/06/2018 08:01 AM Toto just made another notch on his collar. Looks like he got his next level. (13)
Finished off the Erroneous Monk with a fatal kick to its head and picked up the Bōõk öf Ãççêñts.
Begged the Dead Terrorist not to kill me claiming it’d upset my goddess too much. While it was laughing, a bolt of lightning hit it. You do care, Mighty One! That was you, right?
I looked, and looked, and couldn’t find any exception to the rule that every rule has an exception. So I guess having the rule must be the exception, unless just having a rule is exceptional. But all heroes are exceptional, just ask them. That must mean I rule!
After managing to find the exception to every rule so quickly, I’ve got a pile of wooden ark planks and 7009 coins as a bonus.
05/10/2018 06:54 AM Thought I heard “Happy 8th Anniversary Godville! 💖🎂💖” coming from my sack. Hopefully, if I just ignore it, it will become the trader’s problem eventually.
02:31 PM The town mayor asked if there was a true hero willing to celebrate Godville’s anniversary. Since there were none, I got the job. Off I go!
Woke up to find that I had someone else’s trousers on. It must have been quite a party! Rifled through the pockets and found a scrap of paper saying “Dare: break off a deal with the devil.” Challenge accepted!
Walked away when he started playing hardball. I’m more a hi-ball sort of heroine.
My quest to break off a deal with the devil was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.
Let the history books state that I was martyred by that Character Assassin in the noble cause of trying to steal gold to buy beer.
05/14/2018 03:23 AM A random pilgrim left me a log of wood in your temple. I love it when that happens, Luminous One! (Last log for 2nd ark)
Channeled my ineptitude from within and missed the Carjackal horribly.
Finally found some fool who was able to save me from all these tribbles. I even managed to get 7575 coins for them!
The spirits of my ancestors came to me in a vision and told me they would find no peace until I manage to attempt sobriety for just one quest. I should probably do it just to stop them from haunting me.
Tried to turn water from the pond into wine and took a hopeful sip. Tadpoles really aren’t that tasty.
Woke up looking at a beautiful sunrise and wondering who stole my tent while I was sleeping.
I just saw my Chronicles in a book shop… When I asked, the shop owner said he had to pay people to buy it.
Instead of buying beer and potions, I think I’ll put 7273 gold coins into my savings for important things, like buying beer and potions later.
Toto swallowed a bunch of fireflies. Now every time he hiccups, beams of light shine out of his eyes and ears.
When the bartender said that only a complete dimwit would attempt to kill two birds with one stone, I sensed I might be on to something. When he added that he was ready to bet a week’s supply of beer that no one would be that idiotic, I knew I had found my next quest. [sigh 😒]
A ray of healing light fell over Toto. Omnipotent One, shouldn’t I be your priority?
[I’ll have to think about that…]
They say that dull weapons hurt more, so I attacked the Goat Of Arms with my personality.
The Drunken Clam recently hired a new barman. Got thrown out after being the fiftieth heroine to hit on him. Guess I’ll have to put this tip of 7858 coins into my savings instead.
I’m as drunk as I can possibly be, Great One. I shall invest these 10015 coins for the future instead of spending them on beer, so that I can be this drunk all the time when I retire.
As I delivered the final strike to Higgs Bison, it yelled “Today is opposite day!”. I perished and the Higgs Bison looted my corpse. Felt like I had been fooled.
I’m as drunk as I can possibly be, Almighty. I shall invest these 5815 coins for the future instead of spending them on beer, so that I can be this drunk all the time when I retire.
Had a quick nap in the guild’s mansion and found 898 coins inside a toilet tank. 🤤
Mighty One, please send me a sign. Unless it’s going to hurt — in which case I’m all set for signs, thanks. ☸☯☡
Deposited 8756 coins in the bank as a pre-emptive apology for my future sins.
Felt a burning desire to disassemble the box with a question mark. Found something unbelievable inside — a scroll with instructions on how to get a premature level up!
I leveled up! A huge golden podium rose out of the ground, giving me a chance to do an epic hero pose. Finally a level up as extravagant as Toto’s!
Won several rounds of darts against Juno The Round at the pub, so she had to pay for the drinks. I guess I’ll put these 7073 gold coins away for a rainy day.
A glowing man with wings descended from the sky to give me a log. He called himself the “Ark-Angel.”
Put 5112 gold coins away for a rainy day instead of buying an umbrella. I’m soaking wet but marginally wealthier.
Was about to spend my money on some delicious beer but constant reproachful glares from Toto guilt-tripped me into adding 760 gold coins to my retirement fund. Darn that landshark and his moral compass!
Instead of spending my gold at “The Rusty Goblin”, I saved it at the bank — until the day I can buy that tavern outright.
What I like best about myself is the fact that I’m so understanding when I do something wrong.
Saved both my liver and 1508 gold coins by taking them to the bank instead of the tavern.
Hoping to do some traveling other than questing someday. Here’s 2842 coins to stash away.
It seems the statute of limitations on my bar tab has run out. The years of being too drunk to settle my debts have paid off! Contributed the 1311 coins I’d put aside for paying it toward my savings instead.
Was about to spend my money on some delicious beer but constant reproachful glares from Toto guilt-tripped me into adding 6271 gold coins to my retirement fund. Darn that landshark and his moral compass!
Invested 4304 coins in my future, assuming I survive long enough to have one.
I ran into a nearby cave just before the Holykeeper could finish me off. I thought I would be safe in the dark… Got eaten by a grue.
Whoa, where am I? No milestones to reference? What are these “kilometerstones”? I’d better go back through this tunnel.
Finally! My quest to dig a tunnel to the other side of the world is done. After hearing about how epic I was, I humbly accepted two wooden logs and a gift-wrapped, triple-sized chunk of experience.
Stashed 3714 gold coins in a mattress. Deposited the mattress at the bank.
Now I know I’m getting old. The doctor told me that they’ve discontinued my blood type.
Was about to spend my money on some delicious beer but constant reproachful glares from Toto guilt-tripped me into adding 3393 coins to my retirement fund. Darn that landshark and his moral compass!
Hoping to do some traveling other than questing someday. Here’s 5533 coins to stash away.
Just when I thought I could retire to a quiet life of drinking beer and counting my money, I realized I simply had to make angry wine from grapes of wrath. Well then, quickly! Before someone else does it first!
Couldn’t find an open tavern, so I put my 4228 gold coins into my retirement fund as the less satisfying alternative.
Toto is avoiding the loot bag after the squad of tribbles tried to cut off his fur.
Instead of buying beer and potions, I think I’ll put 7091 coins into my savings for important things, like buying beer and potions later.
I forgot to pay my bill in “The Battle Toad”. Guess I’d better put 5879 coins aside for a rainy day.
07/11/2018 02:37 PM Alright, I’m now level 97! Decided to use my 4 new points on increasing my health.
Found a strange machine with a coin slot. Inserted a coin and was rewarded with a cup of coffee. Must have drunk a dozen by now, but I’ll carry on playing as long as I keep on winning.
Was about to spend my money on some delicious beer but constant reproachful glares from Toto guilt-tripped me into adding 2615 coins to my retirement fund. Darn that landshark and his moral compass!
The trader told me the stuff I ordered last week arrived early. Completed the sale with 8163 coins. This godtag looks even better in person than it did in the catalog!
Poisoned kiss level 100.
I’m as drunk as I can possibly be, Great One. I shall invest these 5319 coins for the future instead of spending them on beer, so that I can be this drunk all the time when I retire.
07/14/2018 07:32 PM As thunder rumbled and lightning split the sky, Toto began to shine with a glorious and terrifying light. Almighty, why can’t leveling up be this impressive for me?
Another day, another deposit… and 7457 gold coins closer to world domination.
Couldn’t find an open tavern, so I put my 6945 gold coins into my retirement fund as the less satisfying alternative.
Put 5182 coins away for a rainy day instead of buying an umbrella. I’m soaking wet but marginally wealthier.
I just received a perfect attendance award from Monsterdam’s tavern. They even offered to pay my tab for the night so I have 4485 coins to save towards future bar tabs.
Smiting monsters while reading the Godville Times… Dang, I’m good!
I went to buy a beer at the local tavern, but the bartender gave it to me on the house for my continued loyalty. I think I’m going to put these extra 7317 coins in my savings as soon as I get off this roof.
A high priest rolled up his sleeves and slapped Toto, instantly bringing my beloved landshark back to consciousness! At least, I think he was a priest… Paid him 8589 gold coins anyway. Oh Toto, how I’ve missed you!
Put 4868 coins into savings. There is something strangely satisfying about seeing my gold increase.
Put 6124 gold coins away for a rainy day instead of buying an umbrella. I’m soaking wet but marginally wealthier.
05:27 PM Swapped my 🎉anniversary gold coin🎉 for a lottery ticket that won me 3000 coins.
05:32 PM The 🎉anniversary gold coin🎉 supply is so low that even my battered one is worth 3000 gold coins to this trader.
05:48 PM “Molotov’s Cocktail Bar” had a 90 minute wait to sit down! Forget that, I’ll just save my 5487 gold coins. First time she saved coins when I God voiced her to do that.
As Toto began to glow and grow, fleas jumped off his fur and performed an elaborate celebratory dance number. Why don’t my fleas do that when I level up? 7/28/2018
Won several rounds of darts against Cort- at the pub, so he had to pay for the drinks. I guess I’ll put these 9833 coins away for a rainy day.
Between this month’s guild dues, bribes, the beer budget and other necessities… Well, stashing this 9251 coins will come in handy.
“The Whinery” had a 90 minute wait to sit down! Forget that, I’ll just save my 9045 gold coins.
Channeled my ineptitude from within and missed the Inn Spectre horribly.
Added 6412 gold coins to my nest egg. I wonder when it will hatch…
The bank refused to put Toto in my safety deposit box, so I deposited 9231 gold coins instead.
Stashed 9724 coins under my pillow. Hopefully the gold fairy will leave me new teeth.
Good news! Toto agreed to match my retirement contribution this time! Together, we deposited 4858 gold coins. Of course, I’m loaning him the money until he earns enough himself.
If money is the root of all evil, my bank account just got 3395 coins closer to world domination.
Good news! Toto agreed to match my retirement contribution this time! Together, we deposited 4903 coins. Of course, I’m loaning him the money until he earns enough himself.
08/17/2018 Either Toto has suddenly gotten bigger or I’m shrinking. Regardless, I’m going to have to start showing him a little more respect.
08/20/2018 03:14 PM By the power of Godville, I have the power! Level 98 is mine, Soul Supreme.
08/22/2018 12:57 PM A high priest rolled up his sleeves and slapped Toto, instantly bringing my beloved landshark back to consciousness! At least, I think he was a priest… Paid him 9679 gold coins anyway. Oh Toto, how I’ve missed you!
I’m as drunk as I can possibly be, Almighty. I shall invest these 2606 gold coins for the future instead of spending them on beer, so that I can be this drunk all the time when I retire.
I just received a perfect attendance award from Nothingham’s tavern. They even offered to pay my tab for the night so I have 6523 gold coins to save towards future bar tabs.
09/09/2018 06:13 PM Toto just shed his skin! Wait, does a landshark do that? Anyway, he looks bigger, meaner and cleaner now. (level 26)
Suddenly I saw pink elephants dancing in the stars and felt euphoric. My Goddess, I’m not going to get a hangover from this, am I?
The Ghost of Savings Future appeared before me and instructed me to put these 4579 coins into my future drinking fund.
Clever heroine!
Looked longingly at the lights of downtown, spat, turned around and marched towards the bank to deposit 15467 coins for my retirement.
Saw a poor, young Rug Rat at the side of the road and gave it a money laundering basket. I’m sure I’ll get it back someday somehow.
Unrolled my prayer mat on the ground, knelt on it, and babbled a few prayers in religious ecstasy.
Two fenimals checked me out and voluntarily expressed their desire to settle in my ark.
It seems the statute of limitations on my bar tab has run out. The years of being too drunk to settle my debts have paid off! Contributed the 4227 coins I’d put aside for paying it toward my savings instead.
Saw a white hair. Decided to deposit 7402 coins in my retirement fund.
A fortune teller showed me a magic trick with a pen and my signature mysteriously appeared on a deposit slip for 15035 gold coins.
AWESOME!!!
09/19/2018 12:17 PM Luminous One, I just re-counted the pairs and I think the ark now has a thousand of them. We’re not going to cram another thousand in there, are we?
Deposited 5523 coins in my bank account; it’s the last place my Lady will ever look for it.
Deposited 2901 gold coins in my bank account; it’s the last place the Exalted One will ever look for it.
I forgot to pay my bill at All Inn. Guess I’d better put 9346 coins aside for a rainy day.
Left 5892 gold coins at the bank, just in case I survive all this questing long enough to retire.
I forgot to pay my bill at The Rumor Mill. Guess I’d better put 3183 gold coins aside for a rainy day.
10/1/2018 03:42 AM I don’t know if I’m more surprised to be alive at level 99, or that I can count that high.
Sang a song about how great I am. Who else would possibly encourage me?
I just received a perfect attendance award from Herolympus’s tavern. They even offered to pay my tab for the night so I have 9709 coins to save towards future bar tabs.
10/5/2018 12:23 PM Toto was suddenly surrounded by a sparkling glow and began skipping around and humming happily. Hey, I think he just leveled up!
Left 980 coins at the bank, just in case I survive all this questing long enough to retire.
Won several rounds of darts against Mike S at the pub, so he had to pay for the drinks. I guess I’ll put these 6699 coins away for a rainy day.
I feel all grown up as I deposit these 8872 gold coins into my savings account. Take that, guidance counselor!
Saved 8271 coins for a tavern of my own one day.
10/20/18 03:11 AM With a crash, a bang and a wallop, Toto suddenly reached the next level. He’s not going to overtake me, is he?
Was about to spend my money on some delicious beer but constant reproachful glares from Toto guilt-tripped me into adding 8316 gold coins to my retirement fund. Darn that landshark and his moral compass!
Woke to find that the 1091 gold coins I’d stashed beneath my pillow had been deposited in the bank. Savings fairy?
Saved both my liver and 2195 coins by taking them to the bank instead of the tavern.
All the pubs were closed and I really needed to put my heavy collection of 5140 coins somewhere. This pensions and savings establishment will have to do.
I went to buy a beer at the local tavern, but the bartender gave it to me on the house for my continued loyalty. I think I’m going to put these extra 4080 gold coins in my savings as soon as I get off this roof.
10/31/2018 02:47 PM As Toto began to glow and grow, fleas jumped off his fur and performed an elaborate celebratory dance number. Why don’t my fleas do that when I level up? Level 30!
Planning for the future, I dropped off 6304 gold coins at the bank and averted tomorrow’s hangover.
No more frivolous spending! I’d better stash 10393 gold coins for the future.
11/8/2018 08:48 PM After such a glorious battle with the Gummy Wyrm I could not bring myself to deliver the finishing blow. Instead, he will be my new companion. Come along, Olwyn, let’s go questing!
Deposited 3958 gold coins in my bank account; it’s the last place the Exalted One will ever look for it.
11/9/2018 09:03 PM Olwyn was suddenly surrounded by a sparkling glow and began skipping around and humming happily. Hey, I think he just leveled up! (level 2)
Stashed 11282 coins under my pillow. Hopefully the gold fairy will leave me new teeth.
11/11/2018 05:06 PM Olwyn just made another notch on his collar. Looks like he got his next level. (level 3)
11/15/2018. 09:44 AM As thunder rumbled and lightning split the sky, Olwyn began to shine with a glorious and terrifying light. Exalted One, why can’t leveling up be this impressive for me? (level 4)
11/16/2018. 07:48 AM Olwyn jumped into a bush and came out bigger and stronger. Wow, he leveled up! Maybe I should try that. (level 5)
Put 11162 coins into my life savings, even though it hasn’t once saved my life.
11/18/2018 08:13 PM Olwyn glowed and his eyes sparkled. It seems that my brute just achieved a new level. (level 6)
I’m as drunk as I can possibly be, Almighty. I shall invest these 5259 gold coins for the future instead of spending them on beer, so that I can be this drunk all the time when I retire.
Level 100, you’d think there’d be a party, didn’t see a notice even.
11/22/2018 02:13 PM Olwyn jumped into a bush and came out bigger and stronger. Wow, he leveled up! Maybe I should try that. (level 7)
I’m as drunk as I can possibly be, Almighty. I shall invest these 9652 coins for the future instead of spending them on beer, so that I can be this drunk all the time when I retire.
Offended a hag in the tavern with my disbelief in witchcraft. Got cursed to save 18161 gold coins instead of spending it on drinks.
11/28/18 05:05 PM Olwyn just made another notch on his collar. Looks like he got his next level. (level 8)
12/3/2018. 06:07 PM Olwyn just shed his skin! Wait, does a gummy wyrm do that? Anyway, he looks bigger, meaner and cleaner now. (level 9)
12/8/2018 07:54 AM As Olwyn began to glow and grow, fleas jumped off his fur and performed an elaborate celebratory dance number. Why don’t my fleas do that when I level up? (level 10)
It seems the statute of limitations on my bar tab has run out. The years of being too drunk to settle my debts have paid off! Contributed the 2522 coins I’d put aside for paying it toward my savings instead.
12/13/18 06:04 AM Either Olwyn has suddenly gotten bigger or I’m shrinking. Regardless, I’m going to have to start showing him a little more respect. (level 11)
Couldn’t find an open tavern, so I put my 3515 coins into my retirement fund as the less satisfying alternative.
Since when has there been such a thing as “Alcohol-Free Day”? All the pubs were closed and I really needed to put my heavy collection of 1999 coins somewhere. This pensions and savings establishment will have to do.
Deposited 5399 gold coins in the bank as a pre-emptive apology for my future sins.
No more frivolous spending! I’d better stash 6449 gold coins for the future.
The bartender saw my face outside the window and quickly switched the sign on the pub door to “Closed”. I guess I’ll just put 6134 coins in my savings instead.
12/18/18 03:35 PM As thunder rumbled and lightning split the sky, Olwyn began to shine with a glorious and terrifying light. My Goddess, why can’t leveling up be this impressive for me? (level 12)
I’m as drunk as I can possibly be, Omnipotent One. I shall invest these 7034 gold coins for the future instead of spending them on beer, so that I can be this drunk all the time when I retire.
Deposited 2550 gold coins in my bank account for the next time sobriety looms.
Put 6230 gold coins away for my old age, assuming I live that long.
Saw a white hair. Decided to deposit 4752 gold coins in my retirement fund.
Put 4116 gold coins away for my old age, assuming I live that long.
Instead of buying beer and potions, I think I’ll put 6469 coins into my savings for important things, like buying beer and potions later.
Shepherd’s Stuff was closed today. It must have been a sign from above! I’d better add 5043 coins to my savings.
12/24/2018 06:00 PM With a crash, a bang and a wallop, Olwyn suddenly reached the next level. He’s not going to overtake me, is he? (level 13)
Ran up a huge tab at The Whinery, then slipped out the back door and hid my 7195 coins in the bank next door.
Tried to navigate past the stores, ended up window shopping. I’d better put my 15698 gold coins someplace safe before I get tempted again.
Saw a white hair. Decided to deposit 6851 gold coins in my retirement fund.
A pig with a slot in its back tackled me on the way to the bar and took 7874 gold coins from me. Somehow my retirement fund got bigger…
It seems the statute of limitations on my bar tab has run out. The years of being too drunk to settle my debts have paid off! Contributed the 4056 gold coins I’d put aside for paying it toward my savings instead.
Couldn’t find an open tavern, so I put my 2289 gold coins into my retirement fund as the less satisfying alternative.
Put 9026 coins away for a rainy day instead of buying an umbrella. I’m soaking wet but marginally wealthier.
Saved 13903 gold coins for a tavern of my own one day.
12/31/18 10:03 PM Stayed sober and saved up 15128 coins for my future. I kinda had to. There was a freaking spider guarding the tavern door!
1/1/2019 🎶🎩🍾🥂🎈 Happy New Year!
No more frivolous spending! I’d better stash 10357 gold coins for the future.
Was about to commission a local artist to create a marble statue of me for my guild hall. I’m glad I decided against it and put those 5022 coins into savings… Word is that he’s just another chiseler.
1/1/2019 02:33 PM As thunder rumbled and lightning split the sky, Olwyn began to shine with a glorious and terrifying light. Great One, why can’t leveling up be this impressive for me? (level 14)
A fortune teller showed me a magic trick with a pen and my signature mysteriously appeared on a deposit slip for 9977 gold coins.
1/3/2019. 11:38 AM Hooray! I’ve reached level 101!
Woke to find that the 7007 coins I’d stashed beneath my pillow had been deposited in the bank. Savings fairy?
Looked longingly at the lights of downtown, spat, turned around and marched towards the bank to deposit 2943 gold coins for my retirement.
Couldn’t decide whether to save my money or go out drinking. Flipped a coin — heads I save it, tails I drink. Landed on heads. Saved 6112 coins at the bank.