https://godvillegame.com/duels/log/2c0h6316g
https://godvillegame.com/gods/Tsarczar#chronicle
12:30 PM Shadows jump at the heroes, scaring them south. A forgotten soul creeps in the shadows, searching for a discarded body. Several layers of paint hide doors going north and south.
12:29 PM In search of fresher air, the party follows their noses south. There is a gargoyle that looks just like Hosebert Finkbiner, only more attractive. Illusory walls block passages to the east, north and south.
01:14 AM Was just about to finish off the Unlimited Editor when I spotted Death lurking in the shadows, waiting to claim the beast. Looking back, it was probably a mistake to high-five him.
11:53 AM The tavern bouncer told me I couldn’t enter Dunquestin because of what happened last time. Guess who’s not earning these 2618 gold coins?
07:59 AM A Panzer Dragon jumped out of a bush with a wide, wicked smile and said ‘Well, well, well! We finally meet, Hosebert Finkbiner!’
09:49 AM I definitely will remember this nice pie I found. Devoured it completely; so nada, nothing, zero left!
My quest to memorize pie to the nearest whole number has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.
Hoping this dungeon isn’t the pits…
07:02 PM Met an honest salesman today and gave him a few coins so he could eat.
02:11 AM Discovered two beautifully carved wood logs lying before the temple’s steps.
02:15 PM I carefully examined my pet, trying to figure out how he heals so quickly. Pinky happily wagged his tail and yawned in my face.
Quest: Measure the circumference of the circle of life (67%)
08:40 PM The equipment merchant told me that animals were not allowed in the shop. I guess I’ll manage without new gear; I don’t want to leave Pinky alone out in the street.
02:20 PM I am very self-assured. I keep telling myself that every day.
The Department of Monster Conservation requests a sample for analysis from any OctoBear encountered today. Mileage paid.
Caught today: 365 pcs.
Chefs all over are quickly running out of Whambulance Driver meat due to the latest diet fad. They are offering heroes a worthy reward for any portions they come across.
Caught today: 400 pcs.
11:47 PM A wandering master insisted on training my “bad breath” skill to level 43 for free as I happened to be his 1000th customer. He only charged me 21864 coins for the motivational video and registration fee. Cool!
01:40 AM Two sturdy logs of gopher were mysteriously placed by the temple’s entrance.
06:36 PM Learned that hiding from the Hanna-Barbarian in poison ivy is a really bad idea. Farewell, hard and cruel world!
14:46 Hosebert Finkbiner wins a heroic staring contest. Abmahnanwalt Garry takes dry eye damage.
Abmahnanwalt Garry spun around and gave his enemy a good slap. Hosebert Finkbiner felt something inside him crack.
14:45 Abmahnanwalt Garry took a timeout to check whether the opponent’s last attack was in the rule books. Hosebert Finkbiner used this chance to tie Abmahnanwalt Garry’s shoelaces together.
11:58 AM Caught a bivalve and asked it for a pearl, but it clammed up. How shellfish.
08:45 PM ➥ I laid my sack of loot down for a quick rest and that mischievous ballpoint penguin of mine swallowed both the all-white chess set and the astral projector! Following an odd urge, I quickly reached around, performed the Heimlech maneuver and out popped a brand new, yet slightly soggy, “Act of God” insurance policy.
11:35 AM Fell over. Got up. Hope no one saw that.
05:28 PM ➥ Threw the sand from an hourglass and the strategy tictacs down a wishing well. Heard a Ctrl Freak yell, “We don’t accept bribes here!” followed by the gut-wrenching sound of artifacts breaking and then a slipping pill was thrown back at me. How rude.
10:00 PM Considered atheism, but there weren’t enough holidays.
06:44 PM Pinky looked at me quizzically when I shouted “Assemble Headache splitter and Hand insanitizer” at him instead of shouting “sit”.
07:58 AM Bah! The deodorant I just used is actually a can of Aura-be-gone! Not only have I lost my aura of saving, I smell a bit musty.
12:28 AM The defeated monster just drew a dot on my perfectly clean map. Now I’ll have to go there to get rid of it.
02:48 PM .stceffe edis yna era ereht fi erus ton ,rorrim lacigam a ekorb yllatnediccA
02:02 AM I just received a perfect attendance award from Witt’s End’s tavern. They even offered to pay my tab for the night so I have 1169 gold coins to save towards future bar tabs.
10:48 PM Hi, sir. This is The Forbidden One. I’m writing in Hosebert Finkbiner’s diary to let you know that I don’t believe in you.
02:29 AM Good thing I designated myself as recipient of my donated organs.
03:35 PM The Wrecking Bull raised its hand for a deadly final strike against me, when Pinky suddenly threw himself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, its neck broken. Pinky was knocked out by the impact of the monster’s carcass. Oh, my Lord, if I don’t bring him back to his senses in time, he’ll lose all his levels and his will to compete!
11:35 AM ➥ I grabbed the diary of a feral hero and the dub-stepladder and smooshed them together as hard as I could. Out popped a diary page 404.
08:26 PM Pinky, one day we’ll have a home to call our own. But for now, Bosswell will do.
10:23 PM Luminous One, what do you say we hit the lake and try our luck at fishing right now?
04:44 PM A voice from the skies shouted: “that motto isnt elegant nitwit! its Monty Python.” Funny.
04:43 PM I think “it’s the Flying Circus!” is a great motto — sounds proud and elegant.
02:17 PM I hate censorship. Why can’t I even write **** in my own ******* diary?
Persuading the trader to buy a liability report for the high price of 79 coins…
07:56 AM ➥ I grabbed the dating agency questionnaire and the dotcom bubble and smooshed them together as hard as I could. Out popped a deep space heater. Wow, I’m so good at smooshing, I think I have a possible career as a smooshologist!
09:59 PM A rivulet of meltwater is carving a new path through the forest. Should I try to follow it, my Lord?
08:32 PM Pinky followed me into the hospital ward and diligently rubbed against my leg with his healing fur.
06:59 PM Greedy priests took away 5 gold coins. The pile of gold quickly disappeared into the pockets of their robes. I hope they’ll sacrifice it to the Great One…
06:38 PM The shop had an incredible weapon on sale, but I decided to wait until I could find it from a merchant with a less complicated return policy.
06:35 PM Darn tribbles won’t leave my loot bag! I think they’ve already built a habitat.
12:52 PM It seems that Pinky has managed to train his fleas. Maybe I’m going mad, but I think I just saw them praying to him.
09:47 PM The guard house in Nothingham has my picture up on the wall. It’s nice to feel truly wanted.
08:29 PM Fled the Nondescript Villain at a speed that would have put light to shame.
08:54 PM My life seems repetitive. I have to change something.
01:16 PM Shouted pointers at another hero battling a monster. From a safe distance, naturally.
07:20 AM The Monster Hangover watched in amazement as the wounds it had inflicted on me suddenly vanished. Surely now it believes in you, Gentle One!
07:15 AM The Overbearing Waiter claimed to be a great fan of mine. It couldn’t quote any of my diary phrases though, so I killed the liar and obtained a flask of dragon’s tears.
07:05 AM Performed a triple-combo fatality attack. The Hired Painkiller applauded in awe before choreographically exploding into a shower of 32 gold coins.
09:28 PM Taught my student all about questing: how to dawdle between milestones, avoid as many monsters as possible, and ALWAYS go back to town for a drink. I think they’re ready now!
Had finally managed to mentor a young hero on their very first quest when I was ambushed by a prize committee with an oversized check for 2126 gold coins. Time to celebrate.
07:57 PM Concerned about Blamethrower’s well-being, Hosebert Finkbiner insisted on giving him a free open-heart massage.
The foxy trader is getting the ancestral hair loom for free…
The Unfinished Monst is stuffing and basting the hero for 5 hp…
11:46 AM Defeated the Gee Wizard and relieved it of an alchemy textbook and 9 coins.
01:34 AM The guild doctor removed my appendix. Again.
12:35 AM Strapped a stretcher to my back in anticipation of the outcome.
02:00 PM Hmm… Healiopolis. This place looks familiar. I hope they have a nice tavern here.
01:16 AM I’ve read that pets would rather die than let their masters come to harm. Taking a look at Pinky would suggest that there are exceptions…
01:11 AM Almighty, could you please turn down the render distance? I’m lagging down here.
11:48 PM Found Pinky enjoying a tea party with a dormouse and an odd-looking hare. I’m not even going to ask.
09:42 PM A rivulet of meltwater is carving a new path through the forest. Should I try to follow it, Omnipotent One?
08:11 AM Pinky yelped mournfully as trouble approached… Sheesh! A terrifying Glowing Orthodontisaur is coming straight at me!
06:07 PM Rubbed the pre-Godville relic, hoping to summon a genie. The only thing that appeared was my sad-looking reflection.
05:42 PM Asking for a better life, I placed ten bags of gold on the sacrificial altar and offered a quick prayer to the Omnipotent One. It worked! I felt my experience bar slightly increase in size.
05:42 PM One does not simply walk into Godville. You stagger into it, blending in with the populace.
Asking Pinky to find the right path…
05:49 PM I carefully examined my pet, trying to figure out how he heals so quickly. Pinky happily wagged his tail and yawned in my face.
10:20 PM Felt life flowing back into me like milk into a glass. Now I have a craving for chocolate chip cookies.
05:40 PM Took a break to count my blessings. Finished surprisingly quickly.
05:42 PM Donated 206 coins to priests in your name, Gentle One. I’ve always wondered: do your priests have to work as hard as I do? How can I get a cushy job like that?
12:36 AM Strapped a stretcher to my back in anticipation of the outcome.
10:12 PM The party patiently waits for the photos from the boss battle to be developed. The spelunkers can walk in any direction.
Preparing for death, but preferring to call it “Plan B”…
08:41 PM Stuck in crouch mode.
Quest: Turn raisins back into grapes (22%)
01:51 PM The flow of time carries the heroes south. The heroes suddenly cannot help but feel so empty inside; it’s probably the room. The heroes get the eerie feeling that they are not alone. Visible pathways lead west, east and north.
04:19 AM Every time I cross the road, I get this weird feeling that a chicken is watching me.
Engaging in a planktonic relationship…
01:02 AM Defeat is not an option. De-head and de-ribs are. Take that, Igneous Rocker!
12:06 AM Mighty One, every time I witness your power and glory, only one word comes to my mind. Keep it up and someday I might be able to construct a whole sentence!
Everybody jumps in an old minecart which takes them south. Here, a sawdust trail stretches from the south-east to the south-west. Or vice versa. Ug the smasher’s biometric scanner detects a non-humanoid lifeform nearby. Freedom of will here is confined to passages leading north and south.
07:02 PM Caught grasshoppers for bait with Pinky.
06:55 PM I’m walking around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock keeps slipping off.
07:52 PM A giant cable descended from the sky, wrapped itself around me, and re-energized my body. Thanks, Great One, but we need to talk about where to plug it in next time.
07:49 PM Pinky fetched a dead rat from somewhere and proudly laid it at my feet. What is this? A sacrifice?
08:58 AM I was lifted off the ground and a light shone down on my body. I turned around slowly in mid-air, then gently landed on my feet. In the process, my wounds were healed.
12:01 AM Now I know I’m getting old. The doctor told me that they’ve discontinued my blood type.
07:18 PM Almost drowned trying to save my reflection in the water.
01:23 PM A muse floating by sang:
Never gonna give you up
never gonna let you down
07:13 PM A wandering sage told me that while some are wise, I am otherwise.
Dungeon Journal (step 36 / 36) ▼
18:35
step 1
Shivering from dampness, Fuxia, Recia, Nza, Harem Member and Saat carefully step down into a dungeon.
Spiderwebs block all exits, other than to the west or south.
18:35
step 2
A sudden vacuum sucks the team westward. Graffiti on the walls reads, “Grammar-correctors was here.” The cavers can go wherever they wish.
18:35
step 3
Howling winds wrench the heroes west. The light beams cast by a luminous ruby on the ceiling are running over the walls, etching out deep furrows. Visible pathways lead west, east and south.
18:36
step 4
The scratchy voice of Sapienti crackles, “Go south (↓)” above the static. ☣
Obediently, the heroes march to the south. There is nothing in here and there never was. From here one can go east or north.
18:36
step 5
A delicate, cherry-scented breeze beckons the party east. A small portal here leads to a better parallel universe, but it’s currently out of order. Enticing interdimensional portholes lie to the west, east and north.
18:36
step 6
Forbidden songs in long-forgotten languages beckon the heroes east. The explorers carefully pick their way through the overgrown vegetation of these ruins. Traffic police direct the heroes west, east and north.
18:36
step 7
Wild horses drag the heroes east. This room has an elaborate, detailed description that no one bothers to read. The only way from here leads to the west.
18:37
step 8
Following an illegible treasure map, the heroes move west. The explorers carefully pick their way through the overgrown vegetation of these ruins. The heroes can go west, east and north, but that doesn’t mean they should.
18:37
step 9
Thinking they hear partying, the heroes conga-line to the west. A small portal here leads to a better parallel universe, but it’s currently out of order. Ties and scarves adorn door knobs, leaving the heroes only west, east and north to go.
18:37
step 10
“Go north (↑)” reverberated in Sapienti’s voice. ☣
The heroes feel inexplicably elated and gleefully skip north. Graffiti on the walls reads, “Grammar-correctors was here.” The heroes can go anywhere, as long as they don’t stay here.
18:38
step 11
Backtracking wildly, the heroes go north. A lost snowflake spins aimlessly in the center of this room. Recia says that they’re being watched. Construction signs block all doors except the north and south.
18:38
step 12
The heroes spin a bottle and decide to move north. A chill wind swirls out the heroes’ torches, as Nachomancer’s maniacal laughter fills the room.
United by chance, the heroes defeated the arrogant monster! Fuxia got 1494 coins and a rib of the Nachomancer. Recia became richer by 1383 gold coins. Nza became richer by 1453 gold coins. Harem Member became richer by 1370 gold coins. Saat added 1311 gold coins and fur of the Nachomancer to his bag.
The party patiently waits for the photos from the boss battle to be developed. Delicate chiffon drapery frames the exits to the east, north and south.
18:43
step 13
Sapienti thundered, “Go east (→)”. ☣
The heroes are going god knows where, which in this case is east. The adventurers can go down from here, but only if a boss-owning deity commands to do so. Rickety wooden bridges cross chasms to the west, east and north.
18:44
step 14
Sapienti uttered his will, “Go down” ☣
Following the master’s order, Thug-of-war opens up a giant hatch and the heroes safely descend into dungeon’s basement. It appears someone forgot to lock the doors leading east and north.
18:44
step 15
Tired of waiting for a command, the heroes march to the east. A stone thrown into the air hovers a few inches from the floor. Walking here is much easier than usual. All directions are available except up and down.
18:44
step 16
The heroes were chased east by a pack of rats. Harem Member disappeared through a trapdoor, then somehow reappeared falling from the ceiling. All directions are available except up and down.
18:44
step 17
Bored of waiting for instructions, the heroes drift off, then sleepwalk east. Graffiti on the walls reads, “Grammar-correctors was here.” Little do the daring adventurers know, imminent danger lurks around the corner. The heroes can go wherever they wish.
18:45
step 18
Sapienti’s voice suggests “Go west (←)” from around a corner. ☣
Hearing the voice, the heroes humbly drag themselves to the west. The heroes were about to step into a trap when Behemoth somehow blocked it and saved the day. Saat is proud of his pet. There are passages in all directions.
18:45
step 19
Sapienti shared his valuable thought, “Go north (↑)” ☣
Carefully looking both ways before crossing, the heroes go north. Recia’s rudimentary knowledge of this foreign language lets her guess the hint says either south-west or south-east. Siren calls echo from the west, east and south.
18:45
step 20
Realizing they understand nothing, the heroes move east. Bundles and bales of junk mail sit here in scattered piles, eternally awaiting delivery. Subterranean monsters have dug tunnels to the west, east and south.
18:46
step 21
The heroes move east without much thinking. The heroes snuck into a carnival of monsters disguised as heroes and won 1208 coins each, as a prize for the best costumes. Kind heroes can go west and south. Evil heroes can do the same but in a different, more evil way.
18:46
step 22
A delicate, cherry-scented breeze beckons the party south. Suddenly, the floor slabs begin to move, shaking some of the trophies out of the adventurers’ backpacks and down into the darkness. No one who enters here can ever leave, except by going west, north or south.
18:46
step 23
The heroes absentmindedly amble to the south. With teeth chattering from the cold, Fuxia says something about a draft and closes the window into the adjacent room. Ominous music leaks through the fourth wall, unnerving the heroes. Fresh flowers wreathe the openings leading west, north and south.
18:46
step 24
Sapienti buzzed, “Go south (↓)” from the sky. ☣
Circumstances dictate that the heroes go south. A skeleton lying on the floor pointed in the direction of a hidden stash and politely lent the key to the chest to the heroes. The west and north paths are paved with good intentions.
18:47
step 25
Backtracking wildly, the heroes go west. The heroes rush through this description to see which exits are available. Disturbing music starts to play. The emergency lights flicker on and show exits to the east, north and south.
18:47
step 26
“Go south (↓)” reverberated in Sapienti’s voice. ☣
The heroes hold hands and bravely shuffle south. Accompanied by a crescendoing thunder of timpani, the Flashmobster makes his appearance.
The party defeated the nasty boss! Fuxia added 3185 coins and a freeze flame to her bag. Recia added 3341 coins, fur of the Flashmobster and a trailer park tornado magnet to her bag. Nza got 3260 coins and an earwax candle. Harem Member got 1054 gold coins. Saat got 3183 coins and some bottled nostalgia. The enlightened boss turned out to be a good inspiration for a deep prayer.
The group spends the next couple of minutes rejoicing that they’re alive. Subterranean monsters have dug tunnels to the west, north and south.
18:54
step 27
The heroes absentmindedly amble to the south. This room houses a collection of organs, both musical and internal. The heroes can walk in any direction.
18:54
step 28
Guided by delicious aromas, the heroes waft southward. Nza notices a bag of 1723 gold coins in the corner and helps herself. The roads lead in all directions.
18:55
step 29
Sapienti poured out a stream of consciousness, “Go west (←)” ☣
Blindly believing, the heroes rush to the west. The heroes are not at a high enough level to experience the content of this room. Rusty iron gates towards the west, east and north slowly creak open.
18:55
step 30
The flow of time carries the heroes west. Knowledge is drained from the unfortunate souls who enter this room, but the party appears unaffected. Fresh flowers wreathe the openings leading west, east and south.
18:55
step 31
A swarm of ants carries the heroes west. This room is so tall the adventurers can’t even make out the ceiling. Dim light is visible through the west, east and north exits.
18:55
step 32
The heroes move west without much thinking. A half-hundred unblinking eyes stare at the heroes from the darkness. There are doors in all directions, but they only seem to lead west, east and north.
18:56
step 33
The heroes exercised the right to go north. The shadows in this room do not belong to the objects within it. There are passages in all directions.
18:56
step 34
Sapienti shouted, “Go west (←)” from the skies. ☣
Everyone in the party feels compelled to go west. After some investigations, the party concludes they are, indeed, inside a room. The heroes can hear loud footsteps echoing, even though they’re all standing still. Safe passages beckon to the east, north and south.
18:56
step 35
Sapienti broadcasts from the skies, “Go south (↓)” ☣
Grumbling that they were going this way regardless, the heroes head south. A sweet siren song beckons the adventurers towards a precipice with piles of white bones at the bottom. With glazed eyes they shuffle forward. All directions are available, but the door leading south has been brightly painted for better visibility.
18:56
step 36
The dungeon disappears due to a bad gateway, and when it comes back the party finds themselves west. Treasure room! The adventurers crack open the giant golden egg in this room, allowing riches to spill out from within.
The heroes plunder the treasure trove. Fuxia takes 13258 coins, a log for the ark, coupon for a side job ©, a window to the soul, an ark welder, a pillow pet, an astral projector, a golden cinder block and a perpetual entropy generator. Recia gets 13310 coins, a log for the ark, coupon for potions ©, a sensor of humor, a pearl of wisdom, a one-of-a-kind item, a social network adapter and a monster magnet. Nza gets 13248 gold coins, a log for the ark, coupon for a piece of destruction paper ©, a collide-o-scope, an easter egg detector, a prototypewriter, a déjà voodoo doll, a rare find and a data griddle. Saat obtains 13075 gold coins, a log for the ark, coupon for a POI ©, a mental capacitor, a diamond in the rough, an intergalactic postage stamp, a zen energy pouch and a logic gate. Harem Member left unconscious. Those who missed the plunder are given 4407 coins in total as a consolation prize.
Map
Crypt of Normalcy, B
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