RAWR
Y u no die by yourself?
My Lord, I’m so bored that I’m doodling in my diary. <>< Hey, it’s a fish!
Found a bucket of flammable substance labelled “Nitroglycerine”. I’d better kick it aside before some idiot does something stupid with it.
I grabbed the chicken magnet and the chick magnet and smooshed them together as hard as I could. Out popped a compost-it note. Wow, I’m so good at smooshing, I think I have a possible career as a smooshologist!
🐢 FANG 🔥
01/26/2014 I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Ninja Tortoise, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Fang. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
04/20/2017 I heard that if you love someone, you should set them free. I released Fang into the wild to pursue his hopes and dreams. Meanwhile, I’m off to pursue all my greatest ambitions, in the tavern.
📹 FANG
Caught Fang mocking me behind my back today by pretending to write in a diary and making a stupid face. Oh, Soul Supreme, must I be ridiculed by my own ninja tortoise too?!
Disarmed the Low-flying Ostrich. I wonder what I should do with this arm.. Hey Fang, fetch!
Soaring up into the air in a beam of colorful light, Fang started to look bigger and stronger. Hmm, there isn’t any reason to fear for my life, is there?
The Ne’er-do-whale claimed to be too weird to live, but too rare to die. Fang didn’t understand a word of it and simply continued to gnaw on the monster’s leg.
Laid down under a tree to die from severe wounds. Came back to my senses as Fang was performing CPR on me.
Fang viciously snuggled up to the enemy, striking it with high voltage charges of static electricity.
Fang spun around under the monster’s feet and chewed on its heels.
My brave Fang nimbly jumped on the monster’s head. The enemy became disoriented and flailed its arms wildly, trying to figure out what the heck was happening.
Fang flew into action and landed strike after strike on the Shadow Worrier.
When Fang runs up to attractive strangers and licks them they think it’s cute. How come when I try it all I get is screaming and a restraining order?
Fang just shed his skin! Wait, does a ninja tortoise do that? Anyway, he looks bigger, meaner and cleaner now.
Fang nibbled on the Terror Bull’s feet, causing massive tickling damage.
Fang rushed forward and slashed at the enemy’s face, giving me a chance to catch my breath.
My beloved Fang crept up behind the monster and meowed loudly. Judging by the shocked look on its face, the Holykeeper might need a new pair of pants now.
Fang refused to pull a cart that I found in a ravine. Bad ninja tortoise! Now I have to leave behind a perfectly good cart.
Ouch! Fang, stop that! I don’t want to go that w… Oh, you found the right path.
Fang spun around under the monster’s feet and tripped it. What a clever pet I have!
Threw a stick for Fang to fetch. He brought back a femur instead. I wonder whom it belongs to..
My wily ninja tortoise jumped on the monster from behind. The Revolving Dormouse begged for mercy, but my pet hasn’t got any. Get him, boy!
Played a game of fetch with Fang and somehow lost. I think I need to come up with a new strategy next time.
The Warrior Of Attrition tried to twist my pet’s tail into a pretzel, but received a vicious bite instead! Yes, Fang can stand up for himself.
Fang needed some dental work, so I laid out the necessary 1814 gold coins. It was a painful chunk of my budget, but he has a fearsome smile now. Even I am a bit scared.
That darned ninja tortoise! I turned away for just a second and he ripped my history eraser to pieces. Someone should train that pet to behave.
Told Fang that I wanted to stop for a bite. Now I need a bandage and I’m still hungry.
Got my finger stuck in a hole in the gum with a shoe on it and Fang broke the item trying to dislodge it. I guess I should be happy my finger’s still intact.
Fang was suddenly surrounded by a sparkling glow and began skipping around and humming happily. Hey, I think he just leveled up!
My wily ninja tortoise jumped on the monster from behind. The Bench Warmer is trying to understand who hit it and from where.
Hmm, how did Fang get a plate of curried favor? I tried to take it away, but he bit me. Bad ninja tortoise!
“Fang the ninja tortoise” sounds distinguished, doesn’t it? Great One, do you like my pet?
Don’t give me that look, Fang. There’s nothing wrong with eating pet food. A heroine’s gotta do what a heroine’s gotta do!
I carefully examined my pet, trying to figure out how he heals so quickly. Fang calmly wagged his tail and yawned in my face.
Was shocked to find that Fang had been towed while I was at the tavern. Had to pay 740 gold coins to get him out of impoundment.
Frantically rubbed my fingers in Fang’s fur, generating static electricity. Fear me and my shocking powers!
Just as the undertaker was about to take me away, Fang outwitted him, giving me time to flee. Clever ninja tortoise!
Having been bitten by Fang, the Tenacious Bee felt outnumbered and definitely lost its will to fight.
Fang suddenly perked up attentively and barked. Then he rushed into the bushes and pulled out a collide-o-scope. What a clever pet!
Fang just made another notch on his collar. Looks like he got his next level.
Fang knocked over some candles in the temple. What a clumsy oaf! We hid behind a curtain and watched as a priest doused the flames with some holy water from a basin.
Swung Fang by his tail and launched him into battle. He tore the Blade Runner to shreds, leaving some tears of a clown and 34 gold coins behind. I may have to sleep with one eye open tonight, but it was totally worth it.
Led Fang to water. Couldn’t make him drink.
Fang snorted disdainfully and laughed at my futile attempts to find a cause worth fighting for. Now he’s making snickering noises and silly faces. If you think it’s so easy, why don’t you try it yourself, you silly ninja tortoise?
Taught my pet to perform some simple tricks. It seems that Fang has already mastered the “Stare ahead blankly” command.
Practiced my haggling skills with Fang. Somehow ended up giving him my lunch.
Oh no! Fang just ate the king’s bounty. It’s a good thing you’re so cute, Fang, or you would be a rug by now.
Fang apparently decided that my boots are now his and has marked them accordingly.
I was lost so I decided to follow my pet. Ten minutes later I realized Fang was following me. I feel dizzy.
Fang glowed and his eyes sparkled. It seems that my brute just achieved a new level.
Trained Fang to strike a fierce and intimidating pose when I yell “Bite me!”. Now we’ll really look like a team!
Fang insistently clamored for attention. Used the last place trophy to make him a toy.
Hmm, Fang the ninja tortoise… Not the catchiest name I could’ve come up with. Maybe I should have called him Necropanzer?
Stopped to feed and groom my pet. Fang purred excitedly in anticipation of a delicious lunch.
I didn’t manage to heal up my pet’s wound in time. Well, Fang, your regenerating abilities will help you to recover, but I think level-ups and pantheons are not for you anymore. On the other hand, who needs those silly things anyway?