Godville

Well,actually my name is Xanxus,yeah…only Xanxus…But,my parents told me that there’s another guy which lives across us who already named Xanxus…So,they added a Howl after the name because they said I like to howl when I was a baby…Well,that’s weird…

Then one day the skies thundered and I heard a female voice…She said she like Xanxus this name a lot so she picked me…Im curious why she never pick the Xanxus which lives across me ,hmm…maybe she likes howl too?

But anyway…Sometimes I will heard some weird but interesting voice from other gods and I will write it down well ya know?bored…and seems that Im writing the chronicles for only my own to read?Yeah~No one will read it?Will you?

So,Im a guy with No special abilities ~No temple~No money~err…sometimes it does happen,after I die…No popularity nm~and No wife~Ah! Offcourse!And No husband or babies too~Why didn’t I recognize it earlier?But at least I still have my lady!I know she will always watching from somewhere…maybe from the tree….?…….or from the….clouds….?..or from the …….sky….yeah!The sky!How idiot am I…even I know her habit is peeking,well I think most gods have this sort of habit? (Been punished by his lady with lightning)…Err…maybe they don’t…

Lastly,I started a boredom but strange journey with my lady
and it’s start now..yeah…I mean right
now…

After 8 Years and 10 Months! With my beloved pet Scrat the Ninja Tortoise 🐢 whom stayed faithful for 8 Years and 8 Months!

On the level of 69 and keep moving, with 99th times dead and resurrects!

Finish my last piece of Temple with one finest brick on 2014, and achieved my One and Only Ark on 4th April 2022!

For nearly 9 long years! I finally heard my lady! Her voice! Her echoes! And I knew she has back and never was I the abandon one!

Oh my lady please be proud of me of my latest progress! Bless me with the completion of ark with animals in couples! Please don’t leave me for another 9 years I beg🙏 as my one and only Scrat has become the first animal whom step on the ark in the Name of My Lady Roozmomo!

May long fortune comes on my savings to own myself a shop for retirement, bless me My Lady, pray for My Lady. And the log of journeys continues…

10.04.2022

• 21:26 After such a glorious battle with the Were-Panther, I could not bring myself to deliver the finishing blow. Instead, he will be my new companion. Come along, Gleep, let’s go questing! (Our hero’s second pet buddy, hoozah!)

age about 358 days

• 01:46 AM If I find another sign that says “Good night my lovely Xanxus!Don’t let the bad bugs and monsters bite!Hug and kisses!” I am going to scream. (Yeah you should scream my dear)

age about 340 days

• 12:04 PM The more monsters I meet, the more I love my Scrat.

age about 318 days

• 04:12 PM Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can’t see.

age about 221 days

• 02:51 AM I’m a hero and I’m OK; I sleep all night and I quest all day. I kill monsters, I stop and rest, I go to town when near! And when I’ve got lots of money, I waste it all on beer!

age about 204 days

• 03:04 PM I didn’t manage to heal up my pet’s wound in time. Well, Scrat, your regenerating abilities will help you to recover, but I think level-ups and pantheons are not for you anymore. On the other hand, who needs those silly things anyway?

age about 198 days

• 04:08 PM The Philosoraptor raised its hand for a deadly final strike against my beloved Scrat, when I suddenly threw myself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, its neck broken. I’m dead but otherwise okay. Oh, Almighty, why? I was so young…

age about 161 days

• 03:48 AM You know, Almighty, it loks like people are passing your saying, ‘Good night my lovely Xanxus!Don’t let the bad bugs and monsters bite!Hug and kisses!’, around.

age about 160 days

• 03:41 PM Suddenly, a monster-slaying license cried out “Xanxus Howl! You came back for me!”, and leapt off the shelves, into my arms. I’m sure there’s a simple explanation for that, but I don’t know it.

age about 156 days

• 09:56 PM Stopped to help an old chicken cross the street.

age about 147 days

• 09:02 PM Entered a Xanxus Howl look-alike contest. Finished third.

age about 140 days

• 10:04 PM Found a piece of toast with the words ‘Praise me by burning voodoo dolls of Brad Pitt!’ burned into it. Ate it anyway.

age above 137 days

• The hero hits the Great Caesar’s Ghost with his best shot, taking away 1 hp…

age about 130 days

• 01:25 AM The trader gave me a free ’I’m with stupid’ T-shirt for my ninja tortoise. It looks nice – just the right size!

age about 128 days

• 01:50 AM Started to offer a short prayer for the life of each monster I’ve killed, but changed my mind and prayed for all of them together. I’d be here till next year otherwise.
• 01:49 AM One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor… and a tab for 0 gold coins to go with it.

age about 127 days

• 04:19 AM I’m worried that my ninja tortoise is hanging with a bad crowd. What should I do, my Lady?
• Talking to the living and giving them a good scare…

age about 125 days

• 04:11 PM Can you hear me, my Lady? I’m never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

age about 116 days

• 02:48 AM Caught my ninja tortoise snuggled up with Arnez. That traitor! You’re supposed to keep me warm, Scrat!
• 02:20 AM The trader took the portable drawbridge off my hands for 270 coins. I’d only wanted to show it to him!
• 05:30 PM Had some downtime so I decided to dig myself a grave. I never have time to dig one when I’m getting killed by a monster, so next time I’ll hopefully be prepared.

age about 113 days

• 01:10 AM Aha, Biowolf! Not even death can save you from me!
• 01:09 AM Came across the remains of some poor fallen hero. His bony fingers were still clutching a cardboard sign which read ‘Will Smite for Beer’.
• 01:08 AM The Neverwinter Wight looked like it needed some personal space. Being the sensitive hero that I am, I decided to back off a little. A couple of milestones should be enough.
• 06:19 PM I was disappointed to find a piece of parchment in my bottle of beer instead of delicious gold liquid. The message scrawled on it said, “Pray hard to live har..err…I mean live happy,let’s pray my love!”.

age about 112 days

• 09:11 PM I’ve finally started to learn from my mistakes, Omnipotent One! Now I’ll be able to make the same mistakes much more quickly in the future.
• Scrubbing the writing off the wall, cursing crayons in general…

age about 111 days

• 02:23 AM Xanxus Howl slapped Hair Band. It seems that the tooth fairy is going to visit her tonight.

age about 109 days

• 02:38 AM Saw a shady trader by the road. Sat down beside him to get out of the sun.
• 01:58 AM Scrat wants to go back to town because his inventory’s full, but I’m not ready to return yet. He looks peeved, but how heavy can a few dead frogs and a ball of wool be, anyway?
• 08:16 PM I want to learn from the mistakes of others. I’ll never live long enough to make them all myself.
• 08:16 PM I heard a shout further along the road: ‘You should buy a stairway to heaven.’
• 08:05 PM A wandering sage told me that some are wise, but I am otherwise.

age about 108 days

• 10:04 PM Accidentally stepped through a wormhole. Apologized to the worms inside and continued my journey.
• 09:36 PM Stopped to help an old chicken cross the street.

age about 107 days

• 06:18 PM Expertly camouflaged myself in the high grass to escape the Fisherman’s Fiend.

age about 106 days

• 09:23 PM A worm popped out of my apple and screamed “You make me proud my love Xanxus!You may rest yourself and do what you like!”. Ate it to shut it up.
• 08:09 PM Fell down a well. While waiting for Scrat to bring help, managed to collect 27 coins from heroes wishing for better lives. Score!

age about 105 days

• Fighting global warming by leaving the fridge door open…
• 10:40 PM I wouldn’t sell my soul for a beer, Exalted One, but I wouldn’t mind renting it out for a while.
• 10:23 PM The doctor told me that my condition is terminal, but after I die it should get better.

age about 103 days

• Wishing the doctor would get new magazines for the waiting room…

age about 102 days

• Being ignored by his imaginary friend…

age about 101 days

• 11:42 PM Xanxus Howl counted the stars floating around his head, then suddenly grabbed one and threw it at his enemy.
• 08:29 PM Stole a glance at the trader’s daughter. Was forced to give it back immediately.

age about 100 days

• 02:58 AM Paid 1012 coins to give my little animal a bath before starting a tough campaign. Scrat’s coat now shines luxuriously and he is happily hiccuping soap bubbles.
• 01:36 AM My aura of rage whispered that we needed some time apart and that it wanted to see other people, then vanished, taking a little piece of my heart with it.
• 07:16 PM Contributed 4 coins and received a midnight oil lamp in exchange.

age about 99 days

• 10:19 PM I was writing a terrifying story about an epic battle with a cruel monster, but the diary entry appeared to be limited to 140 characters.
• 05:21 PM All these diaries are getting expensive. Maybe I could switch to invisible ink and use the same page over and over?

age about 98 days

• 10:50 PM Hello. Helloooo. Sorry, Most Righteous One, just got a new pen and I need to get used to it.
• 10:36 PM Everyone has a purpose in life. I hope mine isn’t being this Nature’s Wraith’s lunch…
• 10:34 PM Tried to catch and eat some healthy bacteria.
• 10:29 PM Decided to make a name for myself. So far, struggling with the spelling.

age about 97 days

• 12:18 AM I dreamt that the world was a better place where there were no more monsters and the cruel arena was a thing of the past… I woke up with a scream. What a nightmare!
• 12:15 AM I woke up in a cold sweat. Had a nightmare that my life was someone else’s game…
• 12:13 AM What a surprise! Poor Man stopped by to visit me. We spoke over a few drinks of healing potions.

age about 92 days

• 10:26 PM Worthy Opponent ahead. I’m going in. If I’m not back in 10 minutes, resurrect me.
• 10:13 PM ?thgir ,em rof nalp enivid ruoy otni ti tif syawla nac uoy ,ythgimlA ,od I tahw rettam oN
• 10:04 PM With its dying breath, the Holy Mass Murderer cursed me with a confusion aura and died. Oh no…

age about 91 days

• 02:30 AM A wise man said to keep your friends close and your enemies closer still. Scrat is always with me… Does that mean he’s secretly my enemy? But he looks so cute! It’s always the quiet ones.
• 02:19 AM Suddenly, coming from the nearby hills, there was a roar: ‘find a hero and fall in love Laramie.’ Who’s there?
• 02:18 AM Wow, that felt good! I feel stronger and healthier! It seems that my mind has expanded… actually, never mind that.
• 01:05 AM Who doesn’t love the sound of a health bar refilling?
• 01:04 AM Arrived at Los Adminos. The corrupt guard at the city gate demanded to see my artifacts so he could extort “taxes” on them. Showed him my weapon instead; he said he was sorry and let me in.
• 12:57 AM My Lady, I asked for help finding a date… Why do you keep sending me all these ugly monsters?
• 11:36 PM Drinks were on sale today. I bought extra before I realized they were healing potions, not beer.

age about 3 months

• 12:06 AM The rumor that a ninja tortoise always lands on its feet is false. The rumor that it hates being dropped on its head is true. Sorry, Scrat…
• 10:13 PM Lying in bed and staring at the stars. I wonder what happened to the ceiling.

age about 89 days

• 08:44 PM According to the position of the moon and stars… I’m lost.
• Practicing various monster mating calls…

age about 88 days

• 09:56 AM Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly… but enough about me. How are you, my Lady?
• 01:29 AM As the Unholy Mackerel dealt the killing blow, I got away before the server registered I had been killed.
• 01:15 AM I’ve slain several thousand monsters now, and still I keep meeting new ones… Almighty, are you making more monsters? Why would you do that?!
• 01:02 AM I couldn’t find a tree that didn’t already have a hero resting under it, so I had to settle for this boulder.
• 01:02 AM I couldn’t find a tree that didn’t already have a hero resting under it, so I had to settle for this boulder.
• 12:55 AM If I set this cornfield on fire, will it become a big pile of popcorn?
• 12:51 AM Look! It’s a bird! No, it’s a plane! Ok, all right. I accept. I’m bad at oragami.
• 12:27 AM The gold coins in my bag suddenly melted into a golden brick! Great for your temple, Luminous One, but bad for my drinking fund…
• 12:25 AM Some diary entries are witty or informative, my Lady. This one is neither.
• 12:19 AM Destroyed a stone with two birds. Wait… did I mess that up?
• 11:18 PM Saw a hero dig a gold brick out of the ground, so I tried to do the same thing. Copied him precisely, but didn’t find anything even though I dug in the exact same place. Well, some heroes have all the luck.
• Nervously fiddling with his talisman…

age about 86 days

• 09:41 AM My aura of rage is gone, and I feel naked without it. Don’t look at me, Soul Supreme!

age about 85 days

• 11:31 PM I stood victoriously upon the misshapen corpse of the Grizzled Bear. By the way, Exalted One, could you send a few attractive looking enemies my way?

age about 84 days

• 03:02 AM Maybe if I just stand here and wave my weapon around, the Exalted One will think I’m still busy…

age about 83 days

• 06:56 PM Now that I think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever met an old hero. My Lady, should that worry me?
• 06:25 PM Found a pinch of salt. Didn’t really need it, so I tossed it over my shoulder.

age about 82 days

• 01:55 AM I noticed we only have five job options in Godville: a bartender, a merchant, a doctor, a priest, or a hero. How does anything get done?

age about 81 days

• 03:19 AM Played hide and seek with my ninja tortoise. Spent the next few minutes crying and begging Scrat to come back.
• 02:05 AM I heard that when it rains it’s because you’re crying. Don’t be upset, Mighty One! Look, I’m doing a little dance for you!
• 05:15 PM Tried to communicate with the heavens, but called the wrong number.
• 05:05 PM Been watching a couple of worms battle for a piece of my liver for the past 20 minutes.

age about 72 days

• 04:39 AM The Multi-legged Luggage tried to read my mind to gain some tactical advantage, but got thoroughly confused and soon gave up in disgust.
• 03:14 AM Dug a hole. Found my diary. Wait… what?

age about 70 days

• 04:35 PM Umm, Great One? I think you put me back together with someone else’s parts. I’m sure I wasn’t so fat.
• 03:28 PM I was just about to defeat that Suspended Animator when I swallowed a fly. I had to swallow a spider to catch the fly and one thing led to another and now I’m dead, of course.
• 04:08 PM I’m not dead. Everything else is just more alive.

age about 65 days

• 05:54 AM The dying Menthol Camel yelled, “The God of Monsters will beat up your goddess for this!” and keeled over. Sorry, Mighty One, it looks like you should keep a low profile for a bit. If it’s any consolation, I got 19 gold coins for your troubles!
• 05:51 AM I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Ninja Tortoise, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Scrat. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.

age about 64 days

• 02:33 AM I tried asking you a favor, Great One. As I looked to the heavens a bird pooped on my face. Was that a sign?

age about 62 days

• 04:42 AM As I walked past a graveyard, a sinister hand suddenly thrust out of the earth. I thought it was a zombie rising from the dead, but turns out it was just Not The Chosen One being resurrected.
• 04:38 AM I heard that if you love someone, you should set them free. I released Sooba into the wild to pursue his hopes and dreams. Meanwhile, I’m off to pursue all my greatest ambitions, in the tavern.

age about 2 months

• Making ‘L’ shapes with his hands to see which is his left…

age about 59 days

• 02:14 AM Death came to claim me but couldn’t find the claim check in its robe, so had to leave me behind. I better hurry for some medical assistance.
  (I think the deaths enemy must be his robe! Genius design! )
• Searching for the left path instead of right for some change.

age about 58 days

• 01:25 AM Decided to take a short rest in a nearby cave. Scratched on the wall was, ‘Not The Chosen One was here’. Made my own mark beneath it.

age about 57 days

• 08:13 PM I drew a picture of you, Omnipotent One. Could you stick it on your heavenly fridge?

age about 56 days

• 01:30 AM As I walked by an abandoned mill, I heard ‘Search for God named Mikoaski.’. That was creepy.

Age about 52 days

• 01:35 AM A wise man said that I must learn to walk before I can run. Based on personal experience with monsters, that would be a grave mistake.
• 01:23 AM The Gallows Humorist was slain with a stab so deep, leaving me a bag of conspiracy nuts to keep. Xanxus Howl’s armor shone bright and silver… err, what rhymes with silver? (Let’s cut Xanxus Howl’s liver!)
• 03:27 PM The Undead Milestone Golem tapped me on the shoulder and politely reminded me that we were still fighting. I’ll be right back, diary.
• 02:11 AM My Sooba puffed out his muscular chest and jumped around, confusing the monster. Just like I do!
• 12:35 AM You know the difference between me and the hundreds of heroes wearing this clothing, my Goddess? I make this look good.

Age about 51 days

• I want to buy a cool new piece of equipment, but apparently I haven’t reached a level high enough to wear it. Wearing clothing is harder than I thought.

age about 50 days

• 07:56 AM Ran out of breadcrumbs, so I dropped my paincake to complete the trail.
• 11:45 PM Notes from the battlefield: The heroes brought together by the great random have defeated the Hulking Auriferous Alpacalypse! Xanxus Howl got 17683 coins, ear of the Alpacalypse, a golden brick, a fake guild badge, the scales of justice, a couch potato peeler, an ideabox survival guide and a logic gate.

age about 45 days

• 05:49 PM Found the diary of another hero and took a peek. What a weirdo! Honestly, who writes down every single thing that happens?

age about 43 days

• 09:37 PM Just heard a chilling scream coming from the forest. I really hope a hero comes along soon to help that poor soul.
• 09:34 PM Almighty, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the gold to buy shiny new things. Meanwhile, please accept my humble donation of 211 gold coins.
  Meanwhile……
  09:34 PM Hmm, starting to regret that last diary entry. Maybe if I run really fast counterclockwise I can turn back time and erase it?
• 09:06 PM It’s so cold today, even my sock puppet is wearing a sock.
• 09:03 PM Ignore this entry. I’m just using it to check the time.
• 08:52 PM Asked the Biowolf whether it was dead or just pretending. “Guess!” it said. Darn, I really don’t know.

age about 42 days

• 02:01 AM I was running away from a monster when a wall jumped out and slammed into me.
• 01:34 AM I love having a sun dog; it’s like pretending to be a god.
• 01:27 AM The Sir Dance-a-lot showed me its big heart when it offered to make amends for its wrongs. Now Sooba has a new chew toy and I have 2 gold coins.

age about 41 days

• 02:34 AM A ray of light improved my looks rather than my health. Thanks, my Lady… I think.
• 02:15 AM Slept on the floor because Sooba hogged the bed.
• 02:14 AM Saw the ghost of a dead hero in my dreams. He was holding a pen and writing in his diary.

age about 38 days

• 09:20 AM Found an egg on the side of the road and decided to plant it. I will return later to see if it has grown into an eggplant.
• 07:05 PM Good news, Great One! I stopped drinking for a while! But then you resurrected me.
• 06:56 AM At least Sooba is trying to preserve my body with salt. And pepper. And a dash of paprika… My Goddess, please resurrect me soon!

age about 37 days

• 01:21 AM My Lady, do I look like a moron in this armor?
• 06:53 PM Felt butterflies in my stomach. I guess eating those caterpillars the other day was a bad idea.
• 02:52 PM A merchant got mad after Sooba started chewing on some of his merchandise. He told me that the only way to pay back for the damages is to skate on thin ice. That seems reasonable.

age about 36 days

• 10:31 PM Laid down under a tree to die from severe wounds. Came back to my senses as Sooba was performing CPR on me.
• 09:13 PM Death came to claim me, but it tripped on its robe. Time to run away! Farewell, Fault Dueler!

age about 35 days

• 02:26 AM Tried using reverse psychology on the Cyber Punk. Now it thinks that it’s a hero and I’m a monster, but we’re still fighting as a result.
• 01:04 AM Taught my pet to perform some simple tricks. It seems that Sooba has already mastered the “Stare ahead blankly” command.
• 01:04 AM The Grammar Pirate asked me if I’d spare its life if it worshipped you, my Lady. I decided to let it ask you in person.
• 12:59 AM The Substitute Creature groaned, ‘What a powerful monster to die!’ and ascended to heaven. Found a personal space extender.
• 12:56 AM I was lost so I decided to follow my pet. Ten minutes later I realized Sooba was following me. I feel dizzy.
• 06:48 PM Played fetch with Sooba. I squealed happily when he brought back a broken metaphor, then screamed in terror when I saw the Evil Twin chasing him.

age about 34 days

• 01:40 AM What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? If that is the case, I definitely paid too much for my armor.
• 03:09 PM I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Sun Dog, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Sooba. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.

age about 33 days

• 04:45 AM What has two thumbs and prays to the Luminous One? Oh, wait, I only have one thumb at the moment.
• 04:34 AM Managed to see some strange fiery letters fading out on the horizon: ‘If I had a gold coin for every failed vc, I’d be #1 in Savings!’
• 02:30 AM Saw a shady trader by the road. Sat down beside him to get out of the sun.
• 12:29 AM Need to cancel my appointment with the dentist. The Space Invader just knocked out my bad tooth.

age about 32 day

• 05:30 PM Note to self: The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• 04:50 PM I keep having the feeling that a council of gods is determining what I can and cannot write in my diary…
• 04:24 PM The town healer said I had multiple personalities, and gave us some pills. We’re feeling much better now!
• 04:24 PM Found a partially melted piece of armor with some words written on it: ‘Find the biggest wheel of cheese you can, and place it upon my altar.’
• 04:09 PM Found a hole in my pocket. Luckily, it’s not the one I keep all my candy in, so I only lost 12 gold coins. Phew!

age about 1 month

• 05:57 AM Tried to follow the road to success, but it was under construction.
• 05:31 AM Playing Tetris with gold bricks…
• 11:26 PM I watched a Zeitghost brawling with a Wuss in Boots. That’s so much better than them hitting me…
• 11:23 PM Knelt down to feel the cool, wet ground in a majestic field of wind-swept grass. Ripped my pants.

age about 29 days

• 03:24 AM Saw a sign reading “Fairy Tale guild rules!” Amended it by adding “Rule 1: Don’t join this guild. Rule 2: If you’re in this guild, leave immediately. Rule 3: Join Blue Feather instead”. Tee hee!
• 02:41 AM A vile and filthy Feral Hero is robbing the golden brick caravan! I’d better catch it…

age about 28 days

• 04:41 AM Decided to go to a coffee shop instead of the tavern to save money. Still spent 1161 gold coins, but was awake all night worrying about it.
• 04:28 AM When I asked the merchant’s daughter out on a date, she laughed so hard that she forgot to turn me down. Score!
• 12:22 AM Held a moment of silence for heroes who died in battle. Then held a moment of noise for those who’ve been resurrected.
• 10:18 PM A wise man told me that all maps show North at the top. Cool, I won’t need a compass anymore!

age about 27 days

• 10:16 PM Found the goose that laid the golden eggs. It was delicious.
• 06:05 PM As I got ready to finish off the Tower Defender, the music got louder and louder. Asked the orchestra to stop so I could focus.

age about 26 days

• 05:31 AM Dear face, thank you for blocking that punch for me.
• 05:02 AM Someone once told me: ‘You are what you eat.’ I must be pretty nuts then.
• 04:13 AM With a sudden shriek, a crazy doctor jumped out from the bushes, stitched up my wounds, and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

age about 25 days

• 04:20 AM I never make the same mistake twice… I make it five or six times just to be sure.
• 01:44 AM Threw a coin down a well. Quickly fled when it was thrown back.
• 01:16 AM Saw a hero ignoring a ‘Keep off the grass’ sign. Heard a scream… And then the grass burped.
• 01:00 AM The townsfolk laughed at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian. After hearing some of my jokes, they’re not laughing now…
• 07:11 PM I’ve been wondering, how do I fit all of this loot into my pants and how do these monsters carry it all?
• 03:56 PM Found pages from someone else’s diary flying in the wind. I’d be horribly embarrassed if someone were reading my most personal thoughts… Oh, who am I kidding? I read them anyway.

age about 23 days

• 04:19 PM Noticed a “Kick Me” sign taped on the Hot Cross Bunny’s back. I followed its instruction to the letter.

age about 22 days

• 01:15 AM Saw another hero sleeping in the sun. Wrote “Wanna read my chronicles?” on his forehead with sunblock, then ran off giggling.
• 12:10 AM I woke up this morning and found a meteorite that had crashed right by my campfire. Was that a close shave or a near miss, Almighty?
• 12:03 AM It’s not that I’m lost, it’s just that the map isn’t big enough. Honestly.
• 07:40 PM The Bewarewolf knelt and begged for mercy. Sadly, after checking my inventory, I couldn’t find any mercy to give. I separated its head from its shoulders instead and picked up 39 gold coins.
• 07:09 PM Practiced looking for traps. Found one. Now if I can just get this thing off my leg…
• 06:55 PM Accidentally knocked a holy relic off its stand inside the temple. It bounced off the floor and landed right back on its stand. It really is holy!
• 06:51 PM Lost 89 gold coins playing strip poker. It would have been more, but the other players paid me to keep my clothes on.
• 06:16 PM Asked a tree for directions, but its branches pointed in every direction. Barking mad.

age about 21 days

• 03:45 AM I can’t believe that my break is over already! I guess I probably shouldn’t use quicksand to fill my hourglass.
• 02:41 AM That Neighbourhood Witch only had 32 coins. Looks like someone’s been spending time at the bar lately… and I don’t mean me.
• 02:02 AM Sometimes I feel like my combat skills would be greater if I spent more time slaying monsters than I do writing about it. On the plus side, my handwriting skills are off the charts!
• 01:58 AM Almighty, are you absolutely positive that all these monsters are part of your master plan for my personal development?
• 01:55 AM After a long day of monster slaying, I told Arnez to bear with me while I collect myself. He thought I said, “Beer with me” and subsequently, we spent 217 coins at the tavern.
• 01:37 AM I asked the trader what the price of a new a** was. Asp. Ape. AXE! Stupid diary auto-correct.
• 01:32 AM Ms. False Godess? This is Not The Chosen One. Can you let Xanxus Howl know that he forgot his diary at camp again?
• 01:21 AM I’ve heard that lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice, so I should be safe near this lightning rod until the storm passes.
• 12:51 AM Saw another hero die. I should hurry up and grab his stuff before some lower-level heroes do… Too late!
• 12:31 AM The Crypto-Knight cried, ‘At least I don’t have to hear your motto again…’ and vanished. Received 39 coins and a vial of turnip blood.

age about 20 days

• 04:20 AM I hitched a ride back to Los Adminos on the front of a farmer’s cart.
• 04:20 AM Strange words drifted by in a cloud of smoke: ‘I order you to stop, and brakedance. But try not to brake any bones!’

age about 19 days

• 06:31 AM Words of wisdom: Never scratch your nose while holding a weapon.
• 05:45 AM I can name the capital of anywhere in the universe. For example, the capital of Godville is ‘G’.
• 03:38 AM Inuhanyou ran out of the bushes shouting “Xanxus Howl, I’m coming!” and suddenly fell into a hidden pit. Well, you know what they say – if you want something done right, do it yourself.
• 03:25 AM Saw lightning bolts on the horizon and a hero trying to avoid the wrath of his god. Poor guy… Our relationship, Almighty One, is much better – complete harmony and understanding.
• 02:14 AM The back of this milestone marker reads: “Xanxus Howl was here.” Hey, I forgot I did that!
• 02:10 AM Filled a big pot with all my gold, and suddenly a rainbow appeared. Huh, so that’s how it works?
• 06:16 PM I feel so light now, I think I could just float away. Fortunately, the weight of all these gold coins is pulling me back down towards the local pub.
• 06:18 PM I know they say money talks, but all mine seems to say is “goodbye.”

age about 18 days

• 02:48 AM Awoke on a silk lined bed with a bouquet of flowers in my hands and cards all around the room. There was even a picture of me, cut out in the shape of a heart! I’ve finally got a Valentine, Great One! (Did I died again?Damn it!)

age about 17 days

• 02:37 AM Found the body of a dead adventurer by the side of the road. Oh, it’s mine!
• 01:43 AM Note to self: always wear pants, because my armor is cold!

age about 16 days

• 06:15 AM Found a sticky note on my diary. It said, “Stop writing while fighting.” Had to remove it to write this entry.
• 07:42 PM The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did too. She started running so I ran too. Then she screamed so I screamed as well. I never even saw what we were running from.
• 07:19 PM Tossed a coin to decide which way to proceed, but it never came back down. I didn’t mean to sacrifice that to you, Almighty!
• 07:08 PM Tripped over a rock. Had a nice nap.

age about 15 days

• 04:26 AM As I entered San Satanos the townsfolk cheered, ‘the village idiot has returned!’ I looked around, but I didn’t see him.
• 02:14 AM Jumped off a bridge because everyone else was doing it.
• 01:52 AM Bought an invisible golden brick from the trader. He said it would make an excellent window for my temple and only charged me 177 gold coins for such a wonder.
• 12:46 AM I tried leaving a trail of bread crumbs behind, but it kept following me.
• 12:39 AM I’ve been trying to make some new friends. But I can never find enough body parts on the road that are still fresh.
• 07:33 PM After lying dead for a very long time, a part of me seems rotten. I’m just going to call it an aura of spookiness and go scare some random passers by

age about 14 days

• 05:37 AM Bathed in the fountain of youth, but used the soap of premature aging. Ended up roughly the same.
• 02:53 AM Found 180 gold coins in a wishing well. Finally, my wish came true.
• 01:37 AM With its dying breath, the Nomadic Panteater cursed me with a confusion aura and died.
• 01:21 AM Walking backwards so no monsters can sneak up behind…
• 12:45 AM My diary is really cool. It automatically records the time whenever I make a new entry.
• 11:01 PM As the Jitter-Bug was about to administer a fatal blow, I offered it a flower I’d just picked. The monster burst into tears, saying it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for it, and let me go.
• 06:34 PM Found somebody’s towel in the mud. Poor soul.

age about 12 days

• 04:06 AM I was following Not The Chosen One when she turned around and said, “You shouldn’t be following me, I’m lost too.”
• 10:41 PM Sometimes I wonder if my goddess has too much control over me, but I’m afraid this thought will get me punished.
• 10:37 PM Not The Chosen One ran out of the bushes shouting “Xanxus Howl, I’m coming!” then crashed into a tree, knocking herself unconscious. As usual, I have to do everything myself.

age about 11 days

• 06:51 AM Note to self: metal armor attracts lightning.
• 06:30 AM Great One, why do numbers appear above my enemies’ heads when I hit them? (You know I hate maths my lady don’t you?)
• 06:17 AM Had a vision of the future! I saw myself battling monsters, completing quests and occasionally wasting money. Now to see if it comes true…
• 05:33 AM Last night I was thinking about another job suitable for my talents. Killing, lying, stealing, and insulting strangers… a politician perhaps? (What a waste,right?My lady?)
• 05:27 AM They really need to fix these landmarks. They keep telling me that I’m going in the wrong direction. (How do they know Im going to a wrong direction?They don’t even know where I am going!)
• 05:11 AM The doctor told me to take a long hard look at myself, so I did. Hello handsome! Looking good, Xanxus Howl!

age about 10 days

• 04:43 AM Tied a string around my finger to remind myself that I have a string tied around my finger.
• 04:39 AM I heard ‘I commad you to build a temple.’ coming from the bushes the next hill over. Ran all the way here as fast as I could to tell you, my Lady. (Well,I had heard this voices twice today,my lady,when did you change your gender to a male?Or is that voice one of your family members?)Been punished by my lady with lightning but still couldn’t figure out the reason.
• 04:35 AM I had to use 04:43 AM Tied a string around my finger to remind myself that I have a string tied around my finger. my outdated diary pages to start a campfire again. It’s unfortunate that this forest doesn’t have twigs for kindling.
• 04:24 AM Too busy to write at the moment. I’m in the middle of a fight. (My lady told me that I can write after the fight but I scare I don’t even get a chance after the fight,died…)
• 03:49 AM Sometimes I think someone is reading my diary. (Is that you,my lady?)
• 03:42 AM I clung on to a tree for dear life as the earth violently shook for a couple of seconds. I sure wish the gods wouldn’t set their notifications to “vibrate”.
• 03:34 AM Teaching parrots to repeat odd things to other heroes…
• 02:06 AM Mighty One, what do you do with the gold I sacrifice to you? Do you use it for hanging out? Anyway, here are 66 coins – have some fun.

age about 9 days

• 11:48 PM Stumbled across a sign that read: ‘Thank you for reading this.’

age about 8 days

• 07:07 AM My wounds are healing way too fast, the sunlight hurts my eyes… Am I becoming a vampire? (My lady told me that I was staring at the sun for a long time,that’s why my eyes hurt…ooh…got it!)
• 06:42 AM Accidentally knock over a holy relic inside the temple. Quickly swept the shards under the carpet before any divine being could notice. (Then a mole poped up from the carpet and charged me for that,how does a mole hide in there?I didn’t saw any holes!)
• 06:39 AM My attempt to show off my old battle scars at the tavern ended in utter embarrassment, since I forgot that they healed up and disappeared from my last resurrection.
• 05:16 AM Great One, as I behold your beautiful creation I can’t help but wonder: was there life before Godville?(My lady couldn’t answer me because she said she wasn’t the creator…well my lady…so there’s a god who created the world?I thought that you the one who created the world…then what should I call the creator?)
• 04:41 AM The trader offered me a shiny new piece of equipment at 50% off, but I turned it down. What would I do with only half of it?

age about 7 days

• 03:39 AM I didn’t want to sell my inflatable voodoo doll, and the trader didn’t want to give me 139 coins. Now we’re both unhappy.
• 03:12 AM Stopped to carve ‘Xanxus Howl was here’ into a nearby rock. Now I’ll be remembered long after I’m gone.
• 03:21 AM How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes me a whole box to start a campfire?

age about 6 days

• Well,die for the first time and get an Aura of spookiness,wait…for the first time?You mean I will die even more huh?Wow…that’s…special should I say? (My lady say she just away for a day then saw me died what a shame…yeah…that’s why I need you!My lady,isn’t it?)

age about 5 days

• 05:01 AM A traveling thespian told me to ‘break a leg’. I broke his instead.
• 02:42 AM Noticed a notice on a notice board by the road saying: ‘If you notice this notice, you’ll notice that this notice is noticeably not worth noticing’. Why did I take the time to notice that? (Chopped off the notice board after noticed no one was noticing.)

age about 4 days

• 06:12 PM I’m just going to copy and paste some previous entries. Hopefully the Great One won’t blast me from the sky.
• 02:55 PM While lying in a bush, a Born-Again Zombie emotionally repeated: ‘Praise Me and may the whole Earth bend in your favour.’ ( Knock his head off and continue resting,hope he could find someone who wants to praise him.)
• 01:56 PM I never hear about monsters attacking each other. Maybe I should get a monster disguise? What do you think, Almighty… Zombie Xanxus Howl perhaps? (Well…my lady prefer to vampire Xanxus Howl…well lady,so you really wanna turn me into a monster?)
• 03:23 AM Ouch. Maybe I shouldn’t stop in the middle of a fight to write a diary entry. (My lady rolled her eyes after noticed my diary,well…should I said peaking?)
• 01:19 AM Watching some snails doing a 100 meter run… This might take a while. (Yeah…" a while " )
• 01:05 AM Tried to get a refund for my broken two-handled chopper. The trader told me that my lifetime guarantee expired just yesterday. (Darn the trader…wait…is that my fault?)
• 11:43 PM What’s the deal?Almighty? I passed another coffee shop with a mermaid sign. That’s like five in a row already.(Starbucks starbucks starbucks…wait…how do I know it’s call starbucks with just a mermaid sign on it?Im genius!)

age about 3 days

• 04:41 AM I’m feeling a little paranoid. Every time I leave town I get attacked by monsters. (True story…)
• 1/6/2013 Fight with a boss monster for the first time and get 2 golden bricks from Ancient Demon,lucky me!
• 02:49 AM Had some fun at “Shepherd’s Stuff.” Spent 1349 gold coins. (My lady was totally mad I had spent on something that doesn’t even exist,but she couldn’t punish me because this will affect my personalities,should I thank her?)
• 01:04 AM Took a break from questing to build a snowman. Had to wait until it snowed, but it was totally worth it.
• 12:31 AM I clung on to a tree for dear life as the earth violently shook for a couple of seconds. I sure wish the gods wouldn’t set their notifications to “vibrate”.
• 07:05 PM Found a piece of toast with the words ‘I bring u grace and I am a beautiful person to.’ burned into it. Ate it anyway. (The god must be a lady!)
• 05:55 PM Crossed the river, forgetting I can’t swim. Fortunately I only remembered once I got to the other side.
• 05:29 PM A con artist told me he needed 26 gold coins to go straight. It was the least I could do to help someone in need. (A good reason for donating money huh?)
• 04:34 PM Heard a loud rumble in the distance. Either someone has upset their false god or the Almighty is snoring again…
• 04:17 PM Filled my mouth with water, laid perfectly still and pretended to be a wishing well. Earned 11 gold coins.
  (couldn’t believe this trick works…lol…)

age about 2 days

• 08:33 AM Stealthily followed The living dead (One of my friend) to see if he knew a secret shortcut, but he just seemed to walk in circles. Eventually I caught up to him and asked what he’d been doing, and he sheepishly admitted he’d been following me, looking for a secret shortcut… (My lady couldn’t stop laughing after noticed my diary…awkard…)
• 08:07 AM Sewing name tags onto my armor… (Hoping my lady could find my body easier when I died)
• 07:25 AM Strange words drifted by in a cloud of smoke: ‘Do you like movies about gladiators?’ (What a interesting god who ask her worshippers about gladiators…lol)
• 07:03 AM I wonder if the Exalted One knows I still keep a diary… I shudder at the thought.
• 06:16 AM The pharmacist who said this medicine tastes like fruit obviously has never eaten a fruit in his life. Yuck.
• 06:06 AM Stared at the moon. The moon stared back.
• 05:31 AM Omnipotent One, why are all these other heroes telling me to worship different gods? Do you have a family?
• 05:20 AM Met The living dead (One of my friend Deadofrising ,curious if he sees or not). Borrowed some food and a couple bottles of healing water. Feeling much better now.
• 05:12 AM Great One, I’m growing a beard and there’s nothing you can do about it.
• 05:06 AM Just bribed the trader with 850 gold coins and got rangers’ high boots for free.
• (My lady said she couldn’t believe I wasted 850 gold coins on a Rangers’ high boots -3 and I said it was free!!! SHE COULD KILL HERSELF!!!) Well,I thought gods couldn’t die…lol…
• 04:49 AM Burrowed into San Satanos to avoid the gatekeepers, but got fined by a mole by tunneling without license.
• 04:38 AM You know my Lady, there is a very fine line between omnipresence and stalking.
• 04:34 AM The wounded Molar Bear sang its swan song. I literally cut it short because its singing was atro
• 04:12 AM There are heroes and superheroes. And then there’s me!