Edna the Immortal was the 9603rd Hero to build a temple for her God. This might be considered worthy of little note except for the two years she spent proving the inaptness of her appellation and generally being dead. Some deities put this down to her Lord’s life getting in the way of reviving her, but we know the truth thanks to the Scrolls of Forgetfulness found deep in the blah blah blah something about minarets. She also became the 1737th Hero to build an Ark. All hail the gophers and their wood.
An Elderni in the Knights Who Say Ni guild, Edna has been chopping down mighty trees and fetching shrubberies for most of her questing life.
There are rumours of a flood, but so many other heroes have boats I’m not sure why I should keep building one. No sooner was it completed than the deluge began. I prostrate myself before my all knowing deity.
Since then I’ve built two creations in my lab, have completed writing the sacred tome, have enough compete Arks to lend them to passing travelers and have both saved for and built a shop “The Knight’s Rest”.
Day 4605 : I have returned to the giant throne, lit the grail-shaped beacon, put on the ermine robes of office and spent the guild slush fund on a big knees up.
Day 4573 : Oh my god, can’t believe that I saved all this money! Finally I can have my very own shop!
Day 4564 : dramatic music plays I’m now 69 short. Fifth on the “people who’ve nearly but not quite saved enough for a shop” pantheon.
Day 4415 : I became the 233rd Heroine to complete their book, unlocking twice the diary size and allowing me to claim the souls of monsters. People. Things. Claim them all. Bwahahacoughcough.
Day 3819 : My time as the leader of the Knights is up. 416 days is enough to stabilise the guild, build a massive slush fund and hand it over to another.
Day 3663 : My deeds were finally considered worthy of making the front page of the Godville Times, although I thought I’d silenced all the witnesses to my counterfeit invite enterprise. “Edna The Immortal — 113th-level adventurer, member of the “Knights who say Ni” guild, with the motto “For the loot”, stands at the 75th position in the pantheon of storytellers under the vigilant supervision of the god VonBlade. She was known to distribute counterfeit invites to Godville during her youth.”
Day 3653 : Despite my best efforts to die on a regular basis, I’ve finally made it to 10 years old. Double figures! Do I age like a dog or a person?
Day 3403 : The venerable Knights Who Say Ni have elected me as their leader. Partly by default as our current leader abdicated, but hopefully as a mark of the respect in which my God is held. Hopefully he doesn’t spend so much time on administration he can’t heal encourage me. Don’t abandon me, Great One.
Day 3140 : I hear my God is suffering terribly from his mental illness this week. I’m sending you rainbows and fresh corpses, Great One. Perhaps one of the two will help.
Day 3067 : It’s alive… It’s alive, it’s moving, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, IT’S ALIVE! Ahem. Completed all the parts of my Arrestocrat.
Day 3000 : … pation.
Day 2921 : Finally reached the grand old age of 8. Which in dog years is almost … hmm. Lucky I’m immortal. If death comes I’ll hide under my 1000 pairs, or perhaps even behind the monster in my lab, on the slab, shivering with antici…
Day 1997: Finally completed my ark. Too late to save Pumba, but my level 21 AlphaCentaur Baloo will find a cosy spot.
Day 1883: Pumba has two hours to recover and Edna is short of gold. Oh my level 33 Groundhog. Stay with me friend.
Day 1810: Finally raised a pet to level 30. Pumba, my eternal groundhog.
Day 1507 : Despite frantic efforts, Oy my 26th level Heffalump had died.
Day 1347 : Obtained the final brick for my temple. Now to place it.
Day 1335 : Against my God’s wishes I decided to drink all my money rather than use it to save my beloved Were-Panther, Tige. He will be buried.