Godville

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF HAROLD GROEBAL (unedited version)

09:12: A cute little girl wearing a nekomimi asked me to rewrite the diary in invisible ink. It’s a bit weird, but why not embark upon this quest?08:57: My “brain dilution” skill has been upgraded to level 12! Paid 6440 coins for the training.08:31: Hope that I won’t have to find out exactly who let the dogs out again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!08:57: My “brain dilution” skill has been upgraded to level 12! Paid 6440 coins for the training.22:58: The local sheriff asked me to find out exactly who let the dogs out. I don’t want to go to jail, so I’d better do it.22:10: Somehow I’ve managed to catch a tiger by the tail. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go on a shopping spree.19:07: I met a suspicious stranger in the tavern. He mumbled something about a secret religious organization that needed a brave hero who could catch a tiger by the tail. Here I am!18:17: I’ve managed to paint a mile of the road green. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!00:28: Quest to ‘laugh in the face of danger until it cries’ has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.20:50: My “auto-stopping” skill has been upgraded to level 3! Paid 1873 coins for the training.18:24: Increased the level of my “sword-swallowing” skill after long and arduous training!15:17: Woody just made another notch on his collar. Looks like he got his next level.12:11: Found a new quest written on the billboard near the town hall: laugh in the face of danger until it cries.11:26: I’ve managed to find out where heroes come from. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!08:11: Desperately praying and sacrificing, I made a small miracle and resurrected my pet. Woody, I’m so glad to see you!05:54: The Dust Devil raised its paw for a deadly final strike on me, but suddenly Woody threw himself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, breaking its neck. Woody quietly heaved his last breath under the weight of the monster’s carcass. Oh my Lord, why? He was so young…23:37: Quest to ‘find out how many roads a man must walk down before he admits he is lost’ has been completed! Got a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!20:25: My “scissorhands” skill has been upgraded to level 15! Paid 8048 gold coins for the training.12:11: Notes from the battlefield: Andyboy is defeated. Harold Groebal added 57 coins to his treasury. Harold Groebal now has an essence of awesomeness, a potential energy drink and a lock of Andyboy’s hair at his disposal.13:17: The trader was so surprised to see my lock of Andyboy’s hair, he immediately gave me 4799 coins for the worthless thing. To the tavern!09:54: Somehow I’ve managed to skate on thin ice. Found a chest full of money. Gonna drink heavily.22:05: Placed ten heavy bags of gold on the sacrificial altar. Prayed for a better life… According to my increased exp bar, my plan worked!20:30: An old mage asked me to skate on thin ice. Well, that shouldn’t be too hard.20:14: My “auto-stopping” skill has been upgraded to level 2! Paid 1373 coins for the training.19:36: Quest to ‘educate the village idiot’ was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.12:40: An old mage asked me to educate the village idiot. Well, that shouldn’t be too hard.04:212:03: Quest to ‘sew a stitch in time’ has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.5: My “scissorhands” skill has been upgraded to level 14! Paid 7386 gold coins for the training.02:05: An old sage from the ivory tower asked me to sew a stitch in time. I hope the reward for this will be good.01:18: I successfully completed my quest to ‘observe the way a cookie crumbles’, yet nothing happened.15:58: I was bored to tears, so I decided to observe the way a cookie crumbles. This should be interesting.23:57: My “brain dilution” skill has been upgraded to level 11! Paid 5840 gold coins for the training.21:17: I’ve managed to add insult to injury. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!13:13: Learned a new skill: “auto-stopping”!13:13: Hooray! I’ve reached level 42!08:41: The captain of the city guard ordered me to add insult to injury. Sir, yes, sir!07:57: Quest to ‘catch a fly with chopsticks’ has been completed! Got a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!06:17: Woody idly observed some fleas building him a temple. You know, Exalted One, I’m not surprised.19:49: Increased the level of my “sword-swallowing” skill after long and arduous training!17:58: Couldn’t stand having to fight both fate and the Were-Panther-II.16:26: Crazy scientists have given me another quest to undertake: catch a fly with chopsticks.15:49: Quest to ‘separate the red beans from the green beans’ was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.09:59: My “death by snu-snu” skill has been upgraded to level 16! Paid 8423 coins for the training.11:56: My “sword-swallowing” skill has been upgraded to level 17! Paid 9022 coins for the training.01:46: The captain of the city guard ordered me to pin the tail on the donkey. Sir, yes, sir!01:09: I successfully completed my quest to ‘find the Fountain of Middle Age’, yet nothing happened.18:56: My “forced generosity” skill has been upngraded to level 15! Paid 7913 coins for the training.17:44: Suddenly felt an irresistible desire to take apart the mystery box and found 4073 gold coins inside. Now that’s the intuition of a true hero!14:36: My “death by snu-snu” skill has been upgraded to level 14! Paid 7385 gold coins for the training. 12:29: Crazy scientists have given me another quest to undertake: find the Fountain of Middle Age.12:02: My quest to ‘kill two birds with one stone’ was a triumph! Got a golden brick too.12:04: Suddenly felt a strong desire to examine the mystery box. My senses didn’t let me down — found 4152 gold coins inside!12:02: A Grimoire Reaper fell from the sky right onto my weapon, put a mystery box into my pocket, thanked me for standing there and perished.09:28: My “brain dilution” skill has been upgraded to level 10! Paid 5430 coins for the training.23:33: A strange man with a floating exclamation mark above his head told me to kill two birds with one stone.22:57: I successfully completed my quest to ‘take the little piggy all the way home’, yet nothing happened.14:53: My “selfish interest” skill has been upgraded to level 12! Paid 6519 gold coins for the training.10:35: Increased the level of my “asynchronous swimming” skill after long and arduous training!09:42: Found a new quest written on the billboard near the town hall: take the little piggy all the way home.09:30: My “death by snu-snu” skill has been upgraded to level 13! Paid 6849 coins for the training.00:23: The captain of the city guard ordered me to obtain unobtanium. Sir, yes, sir!13:47: The captain of the city guard ordered me to figure out how time flies. Sir, yes, sir!13:47:3:31: My “sword-swallowing” skill has been upgraded to level 16! Paid 8312 coins for the training.13:00: Quest to ‘convert 360 liters of oxygen into carbon dioxide’ has been completed! Got a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!14:35: Woody is a good companion to me. He even licked my wounds clean after the last battle. Either that or I forgot to feed him.13:47: The captain of the city guard ordered me to figure out how time flies. Sir, yes, sir!13:42: Dreamt I was eating a huge marshmallow. When I awoke, my pillow was gone.13:31: My “sword-swallowing” skill has been upgraded to level 16! Paid 8312 coins for the training.13:00: Quest to ‘convert 360 liters of oxygen into carbon dioxide’ has been completed! Got a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!09:24: Suddenly felt an irresistible desire to take apart the deus ex machina and found 3109 gold coins inside. Now that’s the intuition of a true hero!09:01: My “selfish interest” skill has been upgraded to level 11! Paid 5884 coins for the training.05:58: I placed ten bags of gold on the sacrificial altar and offered a quick prayer to the almighty asking for a better life… It worked! I felt my experience bar slightly increase in size.03:51: Suddenly felt a strong desire to examine the mystery box. My senses didn’t let me down — found 4649 gold coins inside!The hero is playing twister with himself…01:44: Suddenly felt a strong desire to examine the mystery box. My senses didn’t let me down — found 4196 gold coins inside!23:27: My “brain dilution” skill has been upgraded to level 9! Paid 4874 coins for the training.18:19: The local sheriff asked me to convert 360 liters of oxygen into carbon dioxide. I don’t want to go to jail, so I’d better do it.17:41: Quest to ‘walk halfway round the world, then give up and head back’ has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.017:32: Increased the level of my “death by snu-snu” skill after long and arduous training!9:45: Increased the level of my “spontaneous combustion” skill after long and arduous training!06:44: The local sheriff asked me to walk halfway round the world, then give up and head back. I don’t want to go to jail, so I’d better do it.06:17: Quest to ‘replace Adam’s apple with a pear’ has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.02:38: My equipment suddenly began to shine, loose parts of the armor hissed and moved back into place.02:37: Suddenly felt like someone had drilled a hole in my skull and pushed in a huge amount of knowledge about how to replace Adam’s apple with a pear.02:37: After a sudden roar from the heavens, a bold artifact wriggled out of the ground. Wow, I didn’t expect to get a ticket for ‘Godville the Musical’ like this.02:03: An old mage asked me to replace Adam’s apple with a pear. Well, that shouldn’t be too hard.01:13: My quest to ‘build a bridge over troubled water’ was a triumph! Got a golden brick too.23:49: I accidentally stabbed myself with my weapon. Is this what I’ve been doing to others?22:50: I saved a fish from drowning. Did you see that act of kindness, Exalted One?18:09: I placed ten bags of gold on the sacrificial altar and offered a quick prayer to the almighty asking for a better life… It worked! I felt my experience bar slightly increase in size.19:58: My “selfish interest” skill has been upgraded to level 10! Paid 5341 coins for the training.02:09: I met a suspicious stranger in the tavern. He mumbled something about a secret religious organization that needed a brave hero who could apply for a lifetime Godville membership card. Here I am!06:02: Woody glows and his eyes sparkle. It seems that my brute just achieved a new level. 01:53: Quest to ‘find the oldest trick in the book and use it’ has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.01:40: My “selfish interest” skill has been upgraded to level 9! Paid 4920 coins for the training.21:25: Found a new quest written on the billboard near the town hall: find the oldest trick in the book and use it.20:46: Hope that I won’t have to deliver some crisps to the IT-Shaman again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!10:47: Had a nap in my guild’s mansion and found 759 coins in the lunch box.10:04: A dying knight asked me to deliver a green noise generator to his order. Sure. I will do my best.07:47: My “save-load” skill has been upgraded to level 13! Paid 6975 gold coins for the training.04:52: A strange man with a floating exclamation mark above his head told me to deliver some crisps to the IT-Shaman.04:14: My quest to ‘climb every mountain and cross every stream’ was a triumph! Got a gold brick too.13:34: Quest to ‘rub someone the wrong way’ has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.04:11: Attaching freshly buttered toast to the soles of my sandals gave me the power of levitation. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long.01:08: Clear weather and no clouds. Hmm, that must mean there are no gods today.00:10: An old mage asked me to rub someone the wrong way. Well, that shouldn’t be too hard.23:14: Hooray! I’ve reached level 41!22:17: An old mage asked me to become the 233rd member of the guild “legion of doom”. Well, that shouldn’t be too hard.21:41: Hope that I won’t have to follow the golden brick road and ask the wizard for some brains again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!23:37: Suddenly realized that to become the 233rd member of the guild “legion of doom” doesn’t sound heroic enough for my Chronicles. Thank you, Almighty, that could have been a real stain on my reputation!22:17: An old mage asked me to become the 233rd member of the guild “legion of doom”. Well, that shouldn’t be too hard.22:17: An old mage asked me to become the 233rd member of the guild “legion of doom”. Well, that shouldn’t be too hard.21:41: Hope that I won’t have to follow the golden brick road and ask the wizard for some brains again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!19:47: Borrowed a diplomatic immunity while the merchant was talking to another client. Left 4072 coins as compensation.19:47: Borrowed a diplomatic immunity while the merchant was talking to another client. Left 4072 coins as compensation.01:03: My “sword-swallowing” skill has been upgraded to level 15! Paid 7940 coins for the training.21:54: My “scissorhands” skill has been upgraded to level 12! Paid 6464 coins for the training.21:31: Quest to ‘find out if the moon is made of cheese’ has been completed! Got a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!16:29: My “selfish interest” skill has been upgraded to level 8! Paid 4465 gold coins for the training.06:49: The local sheriff asked me to find out if the moon is made of cheese. I don’t want to go to jail, so I’d better do it.06:05: Hope that I won’t have to count the stars in the sky again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!The Called by Duty is holding a Spreading unsubstantiated rumors about rival guilds’ initiation ceremonies…focus group on how the hero should be cooked…

17:11: Desperately praying and sacrificing, I made a small miracle and resurrected my pet. Woody, I’m so glad to see you!I am 40th level and have zero deaths! 20:39: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the deus ex machina. Found a notarized document inside stating that I’ve died fewer times than I thought. Nice.13:09: The Evil Genius raised its paw for a deadly final strike on me, but suddenly Woody threw himself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, breaking its neck. Woody quietly heaved his last breath under the weight of the monster’s carcass. Oh my Lord, why? He was so young…16:19: I’ve managed to defile the Augean stables. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!19:23: My “selfish interest” skill has been upgraded to level 7! Paid 3897 gold coins for the training.10:46: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the mystery box. Found a notarized document inside stating that I’ve died fewer times than I thought. Splendid. Down to 2 deaths again.09:06: My “sword-swallowing” skill has been upgraded to level 14! Paid 7481 coins for the training.06:31: An old sage from the ivory tower asked me to defile the Augean stables. I hope the reward for this will be good.05:55: Quest to ‘paint the grass on this side greener than the other side’ was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.02:29: Suddenly felt the urge to disassemble the deus ex machina in the hopes of finding something useful inside. Bad idea – right in the middle of the process a spiteful gremlin jumped out of it, grabbed 838 gold coins from my pocket and ran away.01:10: Suddenly felt an irresistible desire to take apart the deus ex machina and found 3969 gold coins inside. Now that’s the intuition of a true hero!21:46: My “sword-swallowing” skill has been upgraded to level 13! Paid 6987 gold coins for the training.18:52: The mayor of the town asked me to paint the grass on this side greener than the other side. I sense profit!18:13: Quest to ‘sell some sand to desert nomads’ has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.17:45: My “selfish interest” skill has been upgraded to level 6! Paid 3304 gold coins for the training.08:57: A strange man with a floating exclamation mark above his head told me to sell some sand to desert nomads.08:36: My “sword-swallowing” skill has been upgraded to level 12! Paid 6547 coins for the training.08:09: I successfully completed my quest to ‘avoid doing any work’, yet nothing happened.15:33: Somehow I’ve managed to discover the sound of one hand clapping. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go and bust a move.11:55: My Woody crept up on the monster from behind and roared loudly. Judging by the shocked look on its face, the Chocolate Elemental was not mentally prepared for this.04:21: The captain of the city guard ordered me to discover the sound of one hand clapping. Sir, yes, sir!03:52: Hope that I won’t have to deliver this cookie again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!02:01: Increased the level of my “sword-swallowing” skill after long and arduous training!06:59: My “brain dilution” skill has been upgraded to level 8! Paid 4435 gold coins for the training.21:33: My “selfish interest” skill has been upgraded to level 5! Paid 3007 gold coins for the training.20:28: Suddenly felt the urge to disassemble the deus ex machina in the hopes of finding something useful inside. Bad idea – right in the middle of the process a spiteful gremlin jumped out of it, grabbed 818 coins from my pocket and ran away.13:57: I successfully completed my quest to ‘decide if the hokey pokey is really what it’s all about’, yet nothing happened.12:40: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the mystery box. Found a notarized document inside stating that I’ve died fewer times than I thought. Nice.11:26: Placed ten heavy bags of gold on the sacrificial altar. Prayed for a better life… According to my increased exp bar, my plan worked!11:01: Suddenly felt an irresistible desire to take apart the deus ex machina and found 2478 coins inside. Now that’s the intuition of a true hero!07:55: My “forced generosity” skill has been upgraded to level 14! Paid 7439 coins for the training.The hero is twirling his weapon around in an attempt to impress the Hellaphant…04:56: I was bored to tears, so I decided to write a summary of the dictionary. This should be interesting.04:18: Quest to ‘find someone to agree to disagree with’ has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.21:15: My “selfish interest” skill has been upgraded to level 4! Paid 2338 gold coins for the training.11:55: My “forced generosity” skill has been upgraded to level 13! Paid 6842 coins for the training.07:10: My “spontaneous combustion” skill has been upgraded to level 14! Paid 7358 coins for the training.05:14: My “save-load” skill has been upgraded to level 12! Paid 6372 coins for the training.04:49: My “scissorhands” skill has been upgraded to level 11! Paid 5930 coins for the training.04:27: A full backpack gave me a good excuse to stop hiding milestones from other heroes and head to a warm and comfortable city. Hot baths, here I come!04:22: Just heard a strange rustling coming from my knapsack and found three bold trophies missing, but, fortunately, discovered three golden bricks in their place. Dear Diary, I almost started thinking that there was nothing that could surprise me…23:30: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the continuum transfunctioner. Found a notarized document inside stating that I’ve died fewer times than I thought. Splendid.20:17: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the deus ex machina. Found a notarized document inside stating that I’ve died fewer times than I thought. Splendid.12:36: I met a suspicious stranger in the tavern. He mumbled something about a secret religious organization that needed a brave hero who could convert 360 liters of oxygen into carbon dioxide. Here I am!11:58: Quest to ‘perform an inventory check along the Chosen Ones’ migration route’ has been completed! Got a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!07:12: My “forced generosity” skill has been upgraded to level 12! Paid 6310 gold coins for the training.02:40: Now I have a death’s door. Ho ho ho.07:10: Uh-oh! Spotted one of my biggest stalkers and had to quickly leave the store.09:24: Now I have a full metal jacket. Ho ho ho.07:07: Hooray! I’ve reached level 40!05:03: Sweet, an epic flail! This matches my other gear. Soon I’ll have an entire matching set.03:41: Found a new quest written on the billboard near the town hall: kill a dragon barehanded.03:05: I’ve managed to kill ten boars. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!03:35: Paid 2548 gold coins to the veterinarian for a routine pet checkup. The vet said that Woody will live a long and healthy life.Trying to sober up by drinking light beer…03:05: I’ve managed to kill ten boars. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!23:41: My “brain dilution” skill has been upgraded to level 7! Paid 4024 coins for the training.21:47: Woody glows and his eyes sparkle. It seems that my brute just achieved a new level.21:08: Nearly stepped on an unconscious hero with words imprinted on his whole face: ‘speaking of beer…you never got my 6 pack.’17:48: Was resurrected in a metropolitan temple by the will of the Almighty. Thank you, Great One!17:32: Examined my dead body. Not a very heroic pose, but at least I have a fatal wound on my chest, not my back.17:28: The Postman of the Apocalypse may have killed me, but I got the last laugh. It still has pieces of me stuck in its teeth!09:12: The mayor of the town asked me to kill ten boars. I sense profit!10:53: My “selfish interest” skill has been upgraded to level 2! Paid 1320 coins for the training.Unsuccessfully trying to look cool…10:44: Woody snorts disdainfully and laughs at my futile attempts to kill ten boars. Now he’s making snickering noises and silly faces. If you think it’s so easy, why don’t you try it yourself, you silly firefox?10:37: Spent several minutes staring at the good excuse. Carefully moved it aside and found a new item: a rung from the career ladder.10:35: Spent several minutes staring at the holy smoke generator. Then tried to examine the item, but only ended up breaking it.09:32: Suddenly felt an urge to open the mystery box. There was nothing inside, but I managed to get 1418 experience points in the process.“Oh, how could I have missed the mystery box! Let’s put this guy here…”Arms Santa’s claws +42 08:57: Hallelujah! Just bought a new piece of armor with no holes in it. Come and get me now, monsters!08:47: I’ve managed to replace Adam’s apple with a pear. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!07:55: My “sword-swallowing” skill has been upgraded to level 10! Paid 5508 gold coins for the training.19:03: Begged a higher-level hero in the shop to sell me his old asteroid belt for a mere 4049 gold coins. It looks a little damaged, but the price was really good!15:53: The trader was impressed by my “Slaves to Armok” guild membership card. Received sheep’s clothing as a free gift.14:15: A cute little girl wearing a nekomimi asked me to replace Adam’s apple with a pear. It’s a bit weird, but why not embark upon this quest?13:34: Somehow I’ve managed to clear the skeletons from the closet. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go on a shopping spree.13:44: It turns out that a firefox sure can come in handy! Who knew that I could polish my armor by rubbing it on his coat?11:28: Now I have a chainsaw of dismemberment. Ho ho ho.11:26: My “spontaneous combustion” skill has been upgraded to level 13! Paid 6810 gold coins for the training.10:35: Suddenly felt an irresistible desire to take apart the box with a question mark and found 3817 coins inside. Now that’s the intuition of a true hero!08:00: Suddenly felt a strong desire to examine the box with a question mark. My senses didn’t let me down — found 4194 gold coins inside!04:59: Wow, a universal remote! This thing will match the rest of my body armor perfectly.01:18: An old sage from the ivory tower asked me to clear the skeletons from the closet. I hope the reward for this will be good.01:12: My goodness, what a good deal for a fingertrap! 3872 gold coins is just a bargain.01:11: My “save-load” skill has been upgraded to level 11! Paid 6008 gold coins for the training.00:49: I placed ten bags of gold on the sacrificial altar and offered a quick prayer to the almighty asking for a better life… It worked! I felt my experience bar slightly increase in size.00:35: Somehow I’ve managed to find 100 random objects hidden throughout Godville. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go on a shopping spree.21:19: A fierce rustling in my backpack ended with an aura of abstinence appearing around me. It’s always good to have light when you travel.19:53: A suspicious stranger told me that if I find 100 random objects hidden throughout Godville, I’ll probably get a nice reward, but I have a bad feeling about this…19:03: Quest to ‘pick an ice fleck from the top of Sky Peak’ has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.09:45: My “spontaneous combustion” skill has been upgraded to level 12! Paid 6457 coins for the training.06:08: Increased the level of my “brain dilution” skill after long and arduous training!06:08: A suspicious stranger told me that if I pick an ice fleck from the top of Sky Peak, I’ll probably get a nice reward, but I have a bad feeling about this…23:46:05:25: Hope that I won’t have to find a black cat in a dark room again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick! Notes from arena battle: Cowrot is on his knees. Harold Groebal salutes to the heavens! The winner got richer by 942 coins and a golden brick.16:58: Somehow I’ve managed to walk halfway round the world, then give up and head back. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go and bust a move.15:44: The local sheriff asked me to walk halfway round the world, then give up and head back. I don’t want to go to jail, so I’d better do it.15:30: Wow, a hall pass! This thing will match the rest of my body armor perfectly.15:11: Hope that I won’t have to find the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!14:12: Notes from arena battle: Randomicus begs for mercy. Harold Groebal definitely fulfilled his god’s expectations today! The winner receives a gold brick and 1286 coins.14:09: Randomicus suddenly found himself desperately dangling upside down in the air. His trophies are falling on the ground and break into pieces.12:37: My “asynchronous swimming” skill has been upgraded to level 14! Paid 7303 gold coins for the training.05:01: Begged a higher-level hero in the shop to sell me his old spacemarine’s battle armor for a mere 3609 coins. It looks a little damaged, but the price was really good!03:34: A strange man with a floating exclamation mark above his head told me to find the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything.09:22: My life seems repetitive. I have to change something, maybe [my breakfast cereal;my underwear;my barber;my haircut]?03:13: Quest to ‘deliver some crisps to the IT-Shaman’ has been completed! Got a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!05:01: Begged a higher-level hero in the shop to sell me his old spacemarine’s battle armor for a mere 3609 coins. It looks a little damaged, but the price was really good!03:19: The trader was impressed by my “Slaves to Armok” guild membership card. Received executioner’s mask as a free gift.21:22: Nice Godville citizen’s badge! It will look great on me.02:42: Notes from arena battle: Shire Berk surrenders. Harold Groebal definitely fulfilled his god’s expectations today! The winner got richer by 3269 gold coins and a golden brick.10:06: Placed ten heavy bags of gold on the sacrificial altar. Prayed for a better life… According to my increased exp bar, my plan worked!18:32: “It’s dangerous to go unarmed! Take this protective pentagram!” said the trader, as he took 3375 gold coins from me.00:54: My goodness, what a good deal for Christmas stockings! 3765 coins is just a bargain.09:00: Notes from arena battle: Deirdre is unconscious. Harold Groebal successfully fulfilled the goal of praising his deity! The winner receives a gold brick and 3786 gold coins.02:27: Bought some new stuff – a dwarf bread for just 3164 coins.02:07: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the continuum transfunctioner. Found a notarized document inside stating that I’ve died fewer times than I thought. Nice.01:16: Learned a new skill: “selfish interest”!01:16: Hooray! I’ve reached level 39!01:15: Quest to ‘find a snow angel with no footprints around it’ has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.00:58: The Godvillain raised its paw for a deadly final strike on me, but suddenly Woody threw himself at his feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, breaking its neck. Woody quietly heaved his last breath under the weight of the monster’s carcass. Oh my Lord, why? He was so young…21:02: I ran out of space to write, so I bought a new diary.20:46: Felt a burning desire to examine the continuum transfunctioner. Sadly, my notarized death certificate was inside. Strange, I don’t recall that particular death, but it’s simply impossible to appeal a notarized certificate.14:55: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the deus ex machina. Found a notarized document inside stating that I’ve died fewer times than I thought. Nice.Age about 5 monthsBricks for Temple 100%11:34: Found 3401 coins in a pot near the construction site. Wow, my temple already has some followers!11:16: Somehow I’ve managed to find something that duct tape won’t fix. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go on a shopping spree! 11:44: Felt a burning desire to examine the mystery box. Sadly, my notarized death certificate was inside. It’s funny that I don’t recall that particular death, but it’s simply impossible to appeal a notarized certificate.

No brick. Gold instead. Time to melt the final one!Bricks for Temple 99.9%Level 38 (48%)8/18/2011. Thursday. Bricks for Temple 99.5%Level 38 (46%)The hero is being a gentleman and is letting the Son of a Witch attack out of turn...01:07: Suddenly wanted to examine the deus ex machina and make something useful out of it. Bad luck - an angry gremlin jumped out of it, snatched 758 gold coins out of my pockets and vanished.22:58: Felt a burning desire to examine the continuum transfunctioner. Sadly, my notarized death certificate was inside. Strange, I don't recall that particular death, but it's simply impossible to appeal a notarized certificate.18:26: Quest to 'rip out a feather from a bald eagle's tail' has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.23:08: Hooray! I've reached level 38!Looking for any mention of himself in the latest issue of the 'Godville Times'...08:02: Suddenly felt like I had to make use of the mystery box. Shook it as hard as I could and out came a new, shiny golden brick!03:03: I guess I'm lucky! Found a treasure chest containing 2474 gold coins.02:59: I can't dig here, there is a golden brick in the way. Oh well, I'll simply take it.12:48: Met a nice tramp and gave him the flux incapacitor - he needs it more than I do.12:57: Hope that I won't have to increase the Quest total by one again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!09:32: Browsed the pantheons to find a good candidate for slaughter.13:59: Suddenly felt an urge to open the deus ex machina. There was nothing inside, but I managed to get 1217 experience points in the process.11:37: Following a sudden desire, I peeked into my knapsack and couldn’t find two bold trophies, but found two golden bricks instead. That's what I call a true miracle!08:31: Felt adventurous and took the path less traveled, but turned back after encountering serious trouble walking through the tall grass and weeds.13:35: Somehow I've managed to collect some pegasus feathers for a pillow. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go and bust a move.13:33: Suddenly felt an irresistible desire to take apart the mystery box and found 3573 coins inside. Now that's the intuition of a true hero!10:28: I guess I'm lucky! Found a treasure chest containing 2404 gold coins.10:15: My quest to 'discover who sits at the head of the Round Table' was a triumph! I'm making a note here: it was a huge success. Got a golden brick too.00:06: A mysterious voice whispered gently in my ear: 'Examine!' 00:05: Tossed the essence of awesomeness up in the air, but caught a token of friendship instead. Weird but true.11:29: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the mystery box. Found a notarized document inside stating that I've died fewer times than I thought. Splendid. Woody is running around, marking his territory...00:41: I can't dig here, there is a golden brick in the way. Oh well, I'll simply take it.18:36: Quest to 'learn to walk in a straight line' has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.02:36: I can't dig here, there is a golden brick in the way. Oh well, I'll simply take it.07:35: Quest to 'replace Adam's apple with a pear' was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.01:25: Notes from arena battle: Harold Groebal is unconscious. Paluva Pussyfoot successfully fulfilled the goal of praising her deity! The winner receives a gold brick and 1533 coins.11:17: Trampled out a mysterious square in a field of crops.19:44: Suddenly felt a strong desire to examine the mystery box. My senses didn't let me down — found 3582 gold coins inside!Exhausted, finishing construction...The Silent Knight unnerves the hero by humming the theme to Jaws...01:56: Hope that I won't have to figure out why the person in the mirror is such a copycat again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!Quest #167 Figure out why the person in the mirror is such a copycat (1%)11:47: I met a suspicious stranger in the tavern. He mumbled something about a secret religious organization that needed a brave hero who could figure out why the person in the mirror is such a copycat. Here I am!The hero is being a gentleman and is letting the Tyrannosaurus-Ex attack out of its turn...12:09: Sorry Almighty, I'm just admiring my places in the pantheons at the moment and can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.08:01: It seems that 'spontaneous combustion' is just the right skill for killing the Blade Runner.12:32: Notes from arena battle: Sissy1 is on her knees. Harold Groebal salutes to the heavens! The winner receives a gold brick and 2132 coins. As a sign of heroic solidarity, the winner returned 236 gold coins to his rival for medicine.22:58: Hope that I won't have to deliver some crisps to the IT-Shaman again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!20:47: My “spontaneous combustion” skill has been upgraded to level 9! Paid 4921 coins for the training.20:01: Stopped to feed and groom my pet. Woody purred excitedly in anticipation of a delicious lunch.16:02: Quest to 'win second prize in a beauty contest' was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.15:32: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the mystery box. Found a notarized document inside stating that I've died fewer times than I thought. Nice.The hero and the Godville Administrator are talking through their issues...23:19: No opponent dared to challenge my superior combat abilities. Got 2159 gold coins for trying and returned to doing real heroic deeds.12:04: Quest to 'teach the insomniac sheep to count jumping humans' was a triumph! I'm making a note here: huge success. Got a golden brick.11:12: It's good to be good. Right, my Lord?'Am I good? Sure, I am...'23:37: The trader suddenly gave me a big smile, winked and gave me a portable photon generator. I'm sure this huckster has something on his mind.08:19: Felt a burning desire to examine the mystery box. Sadly, my notarized death certificate was inside. It's funny that I don't recall that particular death, but it's simply impossible to appeal a notarized certificate.012:33: Just heard a strange rustling coming from my knapsack and found one golden brick where a bold trophy used to be.1:12: Felt a burning desire to examine the box with a question mark. Sadly, my notarized death certificate was inside. It's funny that I don't recall that particular death, but it's simply impossible to appeal a notarized certificate.14:59: Woody knocked over some candles in the temple. What a clumsy oaf! We hid behind a curtain and watched as a priest put out the flames with some holy water from a basin. Don’t worry, my Lord, it was a public temple and they don’t pray to you anyway...17:34: Following a sudden desire, I peeked into my knapsack and couldn’t find two bold trophies, but found two golden bricks instead. That's what I call a true miracle!14:03: Somehow I've managed to increase Quest total by one. Found a chest full of money. Gonna drink heavily.The Santa Claws is trying to assess the amount of damage taken...12:49: The strange radiance around me has finally disappeared. It looks like my aura of reviving has expired.11:36: Suddenly felt an urge to examine the continuum transfunctioner. There was nothing inside, but I managed to get 2006 experience points in the process.“Oh, how could I have missed the continuum transfunctioner! Let's put this guy here...”Death Count 1  05:30: Suddenly felt like I had to find a use for the continuum transfunctioner. Shook it as hard as I could and out came two shiny new golden bricks!12:55: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the mystery box. Found a notarized document inside stating that I've died fewer times than I thought. Nice.09:41: Was rewarded with a deus ex machina and a box of chocolates for active promotion of my guild with some cheap street magic.09:48: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the deus ex machina. Found a notarized document inside stating that I've died fewer times than I thought. Splendid.06:53: Suddenly, there was news about a golden calf grazing in a field near Godville. Mighty One, was that your handiwork? I took this opportunity and declared it a sacred symbol of the “Slaves to Armok” guild.09:32: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the deus ex machina. Found a notarized document inside stating that I've died fewer times than I thought. Splendid.17:56: Scraped together 5237 coins and managed to persuade the priests to revive my pet. Oh, Woody, I missed you so much!12:52: Quest to 'find x' was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.18:53: Felt a burning desire to examine the mystery box. Found inside something unbelievable — a scroll with instructions how to get a premature level up!07:23: Entered a bamboo grove to get some rest, but met Bluemane there. We built a little field altar and prayed to our gods. Maybe we should build a pantheon next time.21:43: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the box with a question mark. Found a notarized document inside stating that I've died fewer times than I thought. Nice.21:11: Suddenly, there was news about a golden calf grazing in a field near Godville. Mighty One, was that your handiwork? I took this opportunity and declared it a sacred symbol of the “Slaves to Armok” guild.15:59: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the continuum transfunctioner. Found a notarized document inside stating that I've died fewer times than I th21:10: I was trying to spread the word at Godville's main square, informing the people about my guild, when suddenly thunder struck and amplified my voice a hundredfold. People here are going to remember the “Slaves to Armok” guild for a long time.ought. Splendid.09:22: Paid 1042 coins to the veterinarian for a routine pet checkup. The vet collected a box of tamed fleas from his fur and told him not to do that again.00:11: Nee Nee complains of a severe hangover. Harold Groebal nods s08:26: This Trojan Horse is such a nuisance! He's following me everywhere and asking for my autograph. It seems that a good beating is the only way to stop him from stalking me.ympathetically and thrusts his giant wasp stinger right into his rival's ear.16:23: Well done, clever firefox! He stopped, dug into the ground and found 80 gold coins. I'll use it to buy him a mobile kennel and some tasty treats.15:43: My wily firefox jumped on the monster from behind. The Hellish Tofu Golem seems embarrassed about falling for such an old trick.11:27: A goofy person with a stew pot on his head whispered to me: 'You have not been acting right, behave or be punished.' Is he a member of some kind of secret society?11:10: Hmm, where did Woody get a crumb of wisdom? I tried to take it away, but he bit me. Bad firefox!10:47: Oh man, this place is plagued by the Terror Bull and its relatives! The toughest one has spotted me and is ready to fight. Well, so am I.13:21: It seems that Woody just tried to use them “cri de coeur” skill. O00:30: Woody viciously rubbed against the enemy, striking him with high voltage discharges of static electricity.f course he failed. What a noob.02:08: I've managed to disperse the herd of bad animals. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!08:35: Woody spent half an hour chasing his own tail. He didn't chew it off, but it's looking a bit frayed now.00:56: They say that a Sabertooth Fairy is a formidable opponent. Alas, battle is imminent.00:56: The Sabertooth Fairy was shocked by the power of my 'spontaneous combustion'.00:56: Gained a new level in my “spontaneous combustion” skill after long and painful training!18:15: Just heard a strange rustling coming from my knapsack and couldn’t find two bold trophies, but found two golden bricks instead.17:08: Met my dear friend Kalen. Hung out with him for a while, telling each other stories about our youth.21:58: While lying in a bush, Slithy Tove exhaustedly repeated: 'Learn from my thunderous wisdom! Let bright red knowledge flow from your ears!'. Weird.19:58: Kira-kira happened to be standing next to me in the shop, and prevented the trader from cheating me. It's good to have friends.16:33: Oh, the loot bag is so heavy... Hey, Woody, get out of there!15:54: Shouted 'Go Mavs, slay the Dragon!' so loudly that even the distant echo scared me.10:56: What a coincidence! Capt coolsville stopped by to visit me. We talked over a few drinks of iodine solution.07:46: I can't dig here, there is a golden brick in the way. Oh well, I'll simply take it.Wide-eyed, trying to use the death by snu-snu skill...10:39: Note to self: Don't join dangerous cults - practice safe sects!09:03: Paid 171 gold coins to give my little animal a bath before starting a tough campaign. Woody's coat now shines with exuberance and he is happily hiccuping soap bubbles.07:36: My “death by snu-snu” skill has been upgraded to level 5! Paid 2865 coins for the training.02:11: The trader suddenly collapsed to the floor and started sobbing. He mumbled something about deceiving hundreds of heroes and carrying the soul-crushing burden of a guilty conscience. I nodded sympathetically while sneaking 343 coins from the register.12:21: My wily Woody just attacked the monster from behind. Smooth Criminal let out a girlish scream. Now he looks pretty embarrassed...03:07: Woody yelps mournfully as trouble approaches... Good gracious! A terrifying Postman Of The Apocalypse is coming straight at me!03:04: While the enemy was taking a time-out, RALPH helped me cleanse my wounds and fed me some delicious fresh buns.02:49: Neophyte happened to be standing next to me in the shop, and prevented the trader from cheating me. It's good to have friends.00:03: A Tyrannosaurus-Ex jumped out of a bush with a wide, wicked smile and said: 'Well, well, we finally meet, Harold Groebal!'.23:58: Called my pet over and tried fastening the un-magnifying glass to his collar. Poor Woody whined skeptically, but let me try it anyway.17:04: Strange words came in a puff of smoke: 'You're lucky I'm merciful. Adopt a new pet soon, and if you let it die too...'17:04: Strange words came in a puff of smoke: 'You're lucky I'm merciful. Adopt a new pet soon, and if you let it die too...'17:04: Hooray! I've reached level 25!10:34: Suddenly felt like I had to find a use for the box with a question mark. Shook it as hard as I could and out came two shiny new golden bricks!01:25: Just heard a strange rustling coming from my knapsack and found three bold trophies missing, but, fortunately, discovered three golden bricks in their place.19:49: Following a sudden desire, I peeked into my knapsack and couldn’t find two bold trophies, but found two golden bricks instead. That's what I call a true miracle!07:49: Woody wagged his tail and looked fondly at my laughing stock. I went ahead and gave it to him. Let the brute play.02:53: My “spontaneous combustion” skill has been upgraded to level 4! Paid 2459 gold coins for the training.13:02: My wily firefox just attacked the monster from behind. Book Wyrm began to teeter, and didn't look good in general.12:56: During our last rest stop, Woody performed some gothic dances in honor of the god of monsters. Please forgive him, Almighty.11:27: I heard some strange rattling and rumbling noises coming from my backpack, then a glowing rainbow aura of huckstering spread around me. It's always good to have light when you travel.09:47: I guess I'm lucky! Found a treasure chest containing 1493 gold coins.11:31: Quest to 'avoid doing any work' is completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.11:31: My plan of doing no work has finally paid off. There's so much paperwork piled up to be done that no one dares to fire me - no one will ever want my job.11:23: Stopped to feed and groom my pet. Woody purred excitedly in anticipation of the combing.10:44: Gained a new level in my “asynchronous swimming” skill after long and painful training!21:37: A priestess told me that my god wants me to 'go forth and multiply'. It's a shame I was never good at math...13:23: My wily Woody just attacked the monster from behind. Octopuss in Boots sat on the ground and gave the pet a hateful stare.10:35: Woody suddenly stood to attention and purred. Then he rushed into the bushes and pulled out a welding ring. What a clever pet!10:28: My Woody crept up on the monster from behind and roared loudly. Judging by the shocked look on its face, Hateful Knight-Mare was not mentally prepared for this.04:57: Parrots in the main square declared: 'You should revive Boo!  He was good to you.'11:26: Was resurrected in a metropolitan temple by the will of the Almighty. Thank you, Great One!11:29: Woody refuses to pull the cart that I found in a ravine. Naughty firefox! Now I have to leave a perfectly good cart on the road.21:12: I've seen things people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. And all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain... Time to wake up.09:56: Something good and nice-smelling poured from the sky over my pet. Woody is smiling happily.08:35: I guess I'm lucky! Found a treasure chest containing 1558 gold coins.08:24: Hooray! I've reached level 23!20:27: Patiently waited until Woody finished marking the area.20:06: With my head still spinning from a powerful blow, I accidentally used the essence of health on the monster. Judging by the girlish shriek that followed, the Terminator T-34 usually heals in some other way.19:22: A sold-out trader quickly set up sweepstakes. Latest bets on Harold Groebal — 3 to 1.18:37: RALPH ran out of the bushes shouting, “Harold Groebal, I'm coming!”, tripped and rolled head over heels into the gully. Well, you know what they say - if you want something done right, do it yourself.18:21: My Woody puffs out his muscular chest and jumps around, confusing the monster. Just like I do!Head Monomolecular bandana +24 15:57: Suddenly noticed Woody gnawing on my new tin of chewing tar! Fortunately, I took it away just in time. Bad firefox!15:52: Well done, clever firefox! He stopped, dug into the ground and found 136 coins. I'll use it to buy him some anti-flea treatment.11:16: It seems that Woody just tried to use the “splinter removal” skill. Of course he failed. What a noob.02:38: Hope that I won't have to pick an ice fleck from the top of Sky Peak again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!02:24: I guess I'm lucky! Found a treasure chest containing 2020 gold coins.02:14: It seems that 'spontaneous combustion' is just the right skill for killing the Gold Farmer.Rival: Molotov Cockatrice 22%21:24: It's raining cats and dogs. There are poodles all over the road.19:20: Taught my pet to perform some simple tricks. It seems that Woody has already mastered the “Eat” command.13:24: Stopped to feed and groom my pet. Woody purred excitedly in anticipation of causing property damage.08:15: A fully clad but armless knight in black armor challenged me to a duel. What a nut.08:06: Called my pet over and tried fastening the banana bomb to his collar. I hope that the little creature will not lose my trophy.07:45: The Blind Weresquirrel shouted 'My nuts!' and descended into Hell. Acquired 32 coins.12:17: A wandering monk saw my pet and said something about training, carrots and sticks... Woody became anxious. I wonder why?11:15: Woody desperately signals that a Sumo Ninja is near.10:57: Ran into RALPH. He distracted the monster with some magic tricks, giving me time for a quick prayer.10:54: My Woody crept up on the monster from behind and cried loudly. Judging by the shocked look on its face, Herbivorous Plant might need a new pair of pants now.09:27: My wily Woody just attacked the monster from behind. Sumo Ninja called for a timeout, complaining that the blow was struck during its turn.03:15: Woody growled at the trader. The trader swallowed nervously and gave us a generous discount.13:27: Ran into Xellos13. He distracted the monster with some magic tricks, giving me time for a quick prayer.12:30: Clouds in the sky suddenly formed into the words: ' Resurrect "Woody"!'12:29: I suddenly heard a thunderous voice in my head: 'Bring "Woody" the Firefox back Harold!' That was stunning.12:30: Desperately praying and sacrificing, I made a small miracle and resurrected my pet. Woody, I'm so glad to see you!11:00: I can't dig here, there is a golden brick in the way. Oh well, I'll simply take it.Rival: Possessed Exorcist 0%08:04: Heroes waiting in the arena queue were about to start complaining over the too long-drawn fight, when one of them remembered that this is a fight with the terribly vicious Drendari, causing the line to get silent.14:02: Woody, where are you? Without you I feel sad and lonely.Status DeadAge about 13 daysLevel 7Class firefoxName Woody «Snoopy»Name Woody «Snoopy»09:11: Locating a bucket of mercury wasn't the hard part. Fortunately, I met a few more heroes on the same quest, and we lent each other a hand.Quest “fetch a bucket full of mercury for the local alchemist” has been completed!08:47: I was trying to spread the word at Godville's main square, informing the people about my guild, when suddenly thunder struck and amplified my voice a hundredfold. People here are going to remember the “Slaves to Armok” guild for a long time.00:52: Notes from arena battle: Earendil begs for mercy. Harold Groebal definitely fulfilled his god's expectations today! The winner receives a golden brick and 246 gold coins. The loser cadged 94 gold coins back.The hero landed a 11 hp martial arts combo on the enemy...11:03: It turns out that a firefox sure can come in handy! Who knew they were so good at fetching beers?11:03: It turns out that a firefox sure can come in handy! Who knew they were so good at fetching beers?04:24: A suspicious stranger told me that if I hang out for a while in the Hanging Gardens, I'll get a nice reward. Probably. I have a bad feeling about this...04:25: Did someone just say, 'ABANDON the quest NOW!!!!!, Harold! OR I WILL PUNISH YOUR SORRY ASS!!!!!', to me or not? Either way, I don't care.Quest Hang out for a while in the Hanging Gardens (cancelled) (0%)Quest Become the 251st member of “Marshmallow Clouds” guild (cancelled) (0%)04:07: I ate a fortune cookie and the note inside said: 'Abandon the "Become the 251st member of the "Marshmallow Clouds" guild!'04:09: I just heard a voice in my head say: 'ABANDON the quest NOW!!!!!, Harold! OR I WILL PUNISH YOUR SORRY ASS!!!!!' My god, is that you or am I going crazy?04:09: Screw this quest. If you didn't try, did you really fail?11:34: Hmm, Woody the firefox... Not the catchiest name I could've come up with. Maybe I should have called him Lufciaga?09:40: Quest to 'check if a phoenix will resurrect in a barrel of wine' is completed! Got a pot of gold. Let's go on a shopping spree!08:47: Woody buried the “guild” guild membership card that he found. Is that his way of showing contempt for that guild?08:13: Tried to lift the shop and pulled a muscle. Great One, will I ever be strong enough to shoplift?10:52: Carefully examined my pet as I tried to figure out how he heals so quickly. Woody happily wagged his tail and yawned in my face.01:09: It is said that pets are like their owners. I'm watching mine and don't want to believe that.00:39: Had a nap in our guild's mansion and found 759 gold coins in a donation box.00:38: Doctor saw my guild badge, measured 50cc of living water, and poured it onto my head.00:08: The Loan Ranger croaked to my pet “Traitor...” and turned up his nose. Woody hid behind his ears in embarrassment.23:56: Woody suddenly stood at attention and barked. Then he rushed into the bushes and pulled out a fool's gold brick. What a clever pet!23:35: The Santa Claws fell before my might. I wonder if its spirit will haunt me... I received 5 gold coins and a Santa Claws bag.23:31: My wily firefox just attacked the monster from behind. Santa Claws sat on the ground and gave the pet a hateful stare.23:24: Woody yelps mournfully as trouble approaches... Good gracious! A terrifying Santa Claws is coming straight at me!01:45: Put my “forced generosity” skill into practice and got a 28% discount.01:45: Sweet, a crystal diadem! This matches my other gear. Soon I'll have an entire matching set.22:48: Wow, a pair of cavalryman's bracers! This thing will match the rest of my body armor perfectly.21:49: Notes from arena battle: The Hulk is on his knees. Harold Groebal salutes to somewhere above! The winner got richer by 1208 coins and a golden brick.12:07: During our last rest stop, Woody performed some gothic dances in honor of the god of monsters. Please forgive him, Almighty.09:00: Greatly decreased my travel time by using my “asynchronous swimming” skill.07:51: Parrots in the main square declared: 'Continue you amazing work I will watch over you.'14:03: Nice face plant! It will look great on me.11:27: It seems I'd better quit drinking... and start puffing.11:27: A voice from the skies shouted: 'Do not drink alcohol Harold! Not on this day!' Funny.11:12: What a solid guild following we have here in this town! Collected 673 coins as my share of guild profit.10:54: Saw a group of magical insects escape a flood in a tiny ship of their own creation. Could this be the fabled Ark of the Coven-Ants?10:38: My wily Woody just attacked the monster from behind. Lost Viking begs for mercy, but my pet has none. Get him, boy!02:42: Oh, The Plateau of Low Gravity... It's a bit cold here, and I don't like the way that Rathing Mome is grinning at me. I'd better get moving. Fast.01:07: Sometimes I wonder if my god has too much control over me, but I'm afraid this thought will get me punished.00:21: Meticulously went through the list picking out possible duel opponents, giving a preference to weak and inexperienced heroes.17:18: Nearly stepped on an unconscious hero with words imprinted on his forehead: 'the answer to life the universe and everything is 42.'12:19: What a solid guild following we have here in this town! Collected 593 gold coins as my share of guild profit.11:43: Felt a burning desire to examine the box with a question mark. Sadly, my notarized death certificate was inside. It's funny that I don't recall that particular death, but it's simply impossible to appeal a notarized certificate.10:55: Woody viciously rubbed against the enemy, striking him with high voltage discharges of static electricity.06:23: Sorry, Almighty. I'm just admiring my places in the pantheons at the moment and can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.05:35: A voice from the skies thundered: 'Find a merchant , Harold Groebal, and buy superior equipment!' Hey, turn the volume down!05:37: Hallelujah! Just bought a new piece of armour with no holes. Come and get me now, monsters!05:19: Called my pet over and tried fastening the fight data recorder to his collar. I hope that the little creature will not lose my trophy.04:35: The Leeroy Jenkins has been slain. Woody was fed with some fresh meat.23:59: Sadly, the Blue Occult Öyster didn't carry anything special. At least it had 29 gold coins in its wallet.23:28: Woody spun around under the monster's feet and chewed on its heels. Not bad!21:30: My Woody crept up on the monster from behind and roared loudly. Judging by the shocked look on its face, Lochness Lobster isn't in such a hurry to kill me anymore.20:45: My pet Woody rushed forward and slashed the enemy's face, giving me a chance to catch my breath.09:57: Woody is hanging onto my leg and begging for food. Sorry. Now is not a good time. There’s a Firefox ahead.04:36: My “forced generosity” skill has been upgraded to level 5! Paid 2899 gold coins for the training.04:27: Woody snorts disdainfully and seems to enjoy watching my futile attempts to find a guildmaster and beg him to enroll me into the “Slaves to Armok” guild. Now he is making snickering noises. If you think it's so easy, why don't you do it yourself, you silly firefox?02:16: Woody enthusiastically attacked the enemy's purse. Silly creature! He should have carefully removed it instead of tearing it to shreds and throwing all the coins around...03:18: Hmm, Woody the firefox... What a strange combination. Maybe I should have called him Dungeon Keeper?03:16: I feel that being a member of the 'Slaves to Armok' guild is a better choice.03:07: Woody growled at the trader. The trader swallowed nervously and gave us a generous discount.02:10: Tried to prove the Sandwich law while resting on the side of the road. Woody now has enough food to last for two days.00:55: 'I am Harold Groebal, Save the Whales Raaaaaaaargh!' Great One, what do you think? Does it sound impressive?00:53: My Woody crept up on the monster from behind and meowed loudly. Judging by the shocked look on its face, Chesthugger isn't in such a hurry to kill me anymore.00:25: My brave Woody nimbly jumped on the monster's head. The enemy became disoriented and flailed his arms wildly, trying to figure out what the heck was happening.00:26: It seems that the Robot Chicken has never fought a beast as amazing as my firefox. Come on Woody, give him hell!00:16: I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Firefox, you'll be my pet! And I'll call you Woody. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a bone and fastened the leash.22:51: Lauriston was removed from my potential threats list. He will remember not to stand in my way again.09:12: I woke up in a cold sweat. Had a nightmare that my life was someone else's game...07:10: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the box with a question mark. Found a notarized document inside stating that I've died fewer times than I thought. Nice.09:24: Took time out from my busy schedule of death and destruction for a spot of knitting.09:20: Entered a bamboo grove to get some rest and met RALPH there. Drank from a mug to celebrate the lucky meeting and smoked a peace-pipe. Lost track of time.13:38: Hooray! I've reached level 18!13:38: Learned new skill: “forced generosity”!04:49: As I was shopping, a random person came in, walked past the merchant and opened a conveniently located chest. Then, while holding something over his head, he yelled: 'OBTAINED PHOENIX DOWN!'.02:15: Met Matrim. He tried to teach me “smack of the bribe”, but I failed miserably. Apparently, this is not my thing.16:24: Skywalkerman happened to be standing next to me in the shop, and prevented the trader from cheating me.13:48: Suddenly realized that to cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring doesn't sound heroic enough for my Chronicles. Thank you, Almighty, that could have been a real stain on my renown!11:47: I just woke up in the middle of the street with some little kid poking me with a stick. He said I was snoring...21:42: Tattooed 'Save the Whales' on my butt cheek. Nice.09:22: Тhе last thing the Godville Administrator saw was me putting its invite to Godville into my bag.08:12: Ran into Bhawklove. She distracted the monster with some magic tricks, giving me time for a quick prayer. Now I have a power ranger's armor. Ho ho ho.16:46: The Card Shark said that 'Save the Whales' is a lame motto and vanished. What a rude fellow!06:18: Hooray! I've reached level 16!18:47: My dark matter hat was damaged by a strong blow. Dang that Romanticore.16:47: Ran out of ink for my pen. My Lord, you don't want to know what this was written with...08:44: Suddenly realized that to defile the Agean stables doesn't sound heroic enough for my Chronicles. Thank you, Almighty08:44: Found a floating bottle with a message inside that read 'Abandon the defile the Augen stables quest!' Odd, considering I was nowhere near a body of water. Great One, is that you? 09:12: Met Capt coolsville. He tried to teach me “falcon punch”, but I failed miserabely.16:25: Does my god wear pants? Should I?15:25: Heard someone shouting “Die, Urlic!” and rushed to the rescue. Yeah, Goddle-eyed Dead Ringer brutally smashing a scarecrow is indeed very scary.14:26: Chevalier De Bruyere has been defeated. And so it will be with all the others!08:56: Borrowed a chicken suit while the merchant was talking to another client. Left 1171 coins as compensation.03:02: Entered a bamboo grove to get some rest, but met Urlic there. We built a little field altar and prayed to both our gods. Maybe we should build a pantheon next time.02:49:The Knight-Mare was eliminated. Found a lovely bunch of coconuts!10:00: Seized an opportunity and stole au doughnut from the counter.19:47: RALPH took the monster aside, giving me plenty of time to get away. Don't worry, Gummy Wyrm, I'll get you next time!